In most relationships, disagreements will happen. The problem comes in the way couples disagree, which often leads to a fight or severe conflict. If you enter a fight with the intentions of vengeance, control, or prove you’re right, the disagreement has turned into a competition with a winner and a loser. This means in order for you to win your spouse or partner has to lose, and that’s no win. It's important to form a partnership in a relationship where you and your Honey work together through conflict, even if you disagree.
There are many types of arguments couples have, below are the most common and ways to helps deal with them.
· The Money Fight: Money is generally a representation of values, priorities, security, freedom, and lifestyle. If you differ without any willingness to compromise many arguments can and will occur.
o Have a clear and open discussion about money and be willing to negotiate your expectations to avoid letting the differences negatively affect the relationship.
· The Division of Labor Fight: When one person feels like they are contributing more and the relationship feels unequal, resentments start to build and it can begin to hinder the relationship.
o Have a solid path of communication to allow you to work together instead of apart.
· Power in the Relationship. When a partner feel dominated and lacks a participating voice, typically they will try to be heard by being louder. Resulting in verbal arguments and a progressive deterioration in the relationship.
o Ensure you and your partner are voicing your concerns and needs and be open to hearing the other. When your partner has a need, you have a job and vise versa.
· Disagreements about Sex, Touch, and Affection. As time goes by and things change, peoples sexual needs and desires change as well. Sometimes couples won’t discuss their sex life and intimacy needs because they’re shy, embarrassed, or think their partner should just already know. But that’s impossible, as things like libido fluctuate.
o The key is to get real and have a continuous open discussion about your sex life. The talk will not only benefit your sex life but other areas of communication as well.
· The Extended Family Fight. This could be the meddling in-law or how to process of blending a new formed family should go, or even relationships you have with best friends. This usually happens when extended family matters are disrupting the expecting a partner has with how time, money, discipline, etc. should be handled.
o To prevent these conflicts have a discussion with your partner on what they expect from the extended family and keep the conversation open.
· The Parenting Styles Fight. Our past often shapes the way we parent. This could mean you are your partner could have significantly different parenting styles resulting in some possible conflict. Your partner could be a strict disciplinarian while you are more laid back.
o There are a number of parenting styles, so one of the crucial first things you should do is find some common ground, things you agree on and go from there. Once there is an understanding of the other the problem can begin to be solved using compromising and negotiations.
Arguments should be temporary, don’t let the ugliness stretch out and taint your view of the relationship.
Additional Tips to Productive Arguing:
· Keep it relevant. Don’t bring up old grudges or sore points when they don’t belong in a particular in a particular argument. Put boundaries around the arguments so they don’t become a free for all and nothing will get resolved.
· Avoid character assassination. Stay focused on the issues and argue with the intent of enlightening you partner instead of tearing them down. It doesn’t make your argument or your relationship any stronger.
· Rate the Argument. Use a 1-10 scale to judge your feelings about an argument. If your feeling is a 3 and your partners feeling about the subject is 7, then it’s something you can probably let go of and support your partner. If the opposite happens and your feeling is a 10 and theirs is a 4 then they should be willing compromise. Very rarely in an argument are both people at a 10.