What does it mean to lose? According to merriam-webster.com, the first definition is “to bring to destruction.” For those of us who have found ourselves constantly losing in life (personally, professionally, relationally, parentally, etc.), it’s time to change the game. Winning in the game of life means we must change. Change begins with acceptance.
How many losses have you had to overcome?
For me, there were many! How did I overcome extreme loss? Here are 3 steps to stop losing and start winning:
Step ONE: Understand the grieving process. Everyone knows there are stages of grief, however, I want to encourage you to understand each stage as you go through them in your daily life. For example, when I lost a job I loved deeply, I lost more than my job.
The stages of grief are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Each day after my loss, I vacillated between Denial and Anger. I bounced back and forth from Depression to Bargaining to Denial. I soon concluded that going through the grieving process does not happen in a straight line. It’s messy. It’s painful. It feels like it will never end. After I lost my job, I soon went through a divorce. I started the grieving process all over again. Actually, I don’t think I ever really resolved the job loss before I was slapped in the face with the reality of a divorce.
Here’s my point. We must understand what it means to grieve as individuals. We are all different and grieve differently. I had to sit in the pain and just let it hurt. I journaled and prayed. I spent hours sitting on my patio looking out across the lake. I spent time with ME. I spent time with myself. This was part of my acceptance stage.
Step TWO: Stop the cycle of losing. Sometimes we lose people, jobs, relationships and sometimes ourselves. I lost myself when I lost my job and my marriage. However, I eventually realized it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Here’s an important principle: breaking the cycle may mean breaking your heart. We are creatures of habit. We will do what feels comfortable. Stepping outside of your comfort zone (change) is the first step toward winning.
Just as we grieve differently, we also WIN differently. Winning means something different to everyone. Once I cleared the “acceptance” stage, I was ready to start my life again. Starting over meant forgiveness, determination, hope and love.
Step THREE: How do you define winning? What does it mean to win? For me, it meant finding the time to learn about and love ME. Winning meant that I needed to embrace those that loved me and stop running from those who wanted to help me. Today, winning means that I stay true to what I believe and embrace my core beliefs.
For the last three years, I’ve continued to grow as a person, a professional, and a therapist. I’ve learned to be authentic, vulnerable and true to me. I win!
How do you win? Only you can answer this question. Only YOU can answer the questions about who you are, what you want, and how you are going to get there. Unfortunately, many women harbor deep pain and problems. Beneath the passion, behind all of the great success we find ourselves also motivated by a deep, painful loss I, myself, know a great deal about.
- There’s Only One Way To Being You
Wherever you are; no matter how you’re going to “get there,” you’re not fulfilled until you arrive at your destination. The truth is, I don’t have a remedy or cure for the guilt you deal with. I do, however, have a solution to enable you to walk the happy road to being you.
I’m calling it my “positive step approach.” Instead of focusing on your pain trip, I’m going to work on your final destination…to WIN.
Let me take you on the journey to become you!
-----------Once you’re in your rightful place, there will be no more losing…just winning!
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