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Celebrating Women's History Month | DOWNLOAD Your FREE eBOOK

Are You Faithfully Celebrating Women's History Month? Yes! We celebrate all successful women, but not because they are greater than we are.

“I’m old. I have cellulite. I’m 10 lbs overweight. My husband doesn’t look at me the way he used to. I don’t love him the way I did before. What happened to my life?”

I listened to a friend of mine tell me about how she just didn’t feel like waking up to go to work because she hated life. “This is not the life I planned. I’m successful, but I’m not happy. Nothing makes me happy.”

As we celebrate Women’s History Month in March, I thought it would be interesting to look at the contrast between what women want and what we actually get.

For many years, women have been celebrated during the month of March to highlight their extraordinary contributions to their countries. Both here in the U.S. and internationally, women have left a mark in history that deserves celebration, and this year, the theme for Women’s History Month is "Honoring Trailblazing Women in Labor and Business.”

As a businesswoman, I am very much aware of the challenges that threaten success. The greatest struggles that kept me from wanting to get out of bed, like my friend, were financial challenges, uncertainty, lack of confidence, strong competitors, and my inability to find “loyal” staff members. All of the areas were extremely challenging, however, the greatest struggle I had was establishing work/life balance consistently.

Day after Day, I work with women who feel unworthy, devalued, uncelebrated, and insecure. Interestingly enough, if you walked past one of them on the street, you would never know that they’ve thrown in the towel on happiness, contentment, and peace. Why? Because she looks amazing! She drives a luxury car (or something close to it). Her makeup is flawless. Her children are adorable and well dressed. She works hard. People love her. She is successful. She is all that; but, she’s dying inside. I just described the clients that I work with, but I also described me. My passion to help others came from a long, hard look in the mirror. When each of us looks into the mirror we should see one thing: HUMANITY. We are all HUMAN. This means that we all struggle. We all have insecurities. We all want to be loved. We all want to be valued. We all want success.

 

Are You Faithfully Celebrating This Month?

We Celebrate Successful Women; But, Not Because They’re Greater Than Us.

 

This month, we celebrate Women’s History in the United States…but many women harbor deep pain and problems.

Beneath the passion, behind all of the great success we find ourselves also motivated by a deep, painful guilt I, myself, know a great deal about. You may even question the importance of celebrating someone's life that doesn't quite model yours. Maybe women's history means nothing to you.

Well, it really doesn’t matter if you’re in the beginning phase of history making or not. False comparisons are made when you’ve no personal success as a point of reference.  

When March comes around, we ironically invite “the comparison trip” into our heads. Guilt floods in when you want the success that you find in another person.

Don’t feel embarrassed by it. This particular battle is a hard one to fight. And maybe it’s not just during the month of March, maybe it every month of the year that you struggle with illegitimate comparisons to your friends, coworkers, societal icons, or your sister.

 

- There’s Only One Way To Being You

 

Wherever you are; no matter how you’re going to “get there,” you’re not fulfilled until you arrive at your destination. The truth is, I don’t have a remedy or cure for the guilt you deal with.

I do, however, have a solution to enable you to walk the happy road to being you. The manifestation of who you are means you’ll be celebrated this month. There’s no need to wait.

I’m calling it my “positive step approach.” Instead of working on your guilt trip, I’m going to work on your final destination. This isn’t the place you’re at, at the moment.

Let me take you on the journey to become you! This is the same journey that the women we celebrate this month took to ultimate success. It was never an overnight success, and I won’t make it one for you. The journey ahead is a serious commitment that you have to make to achieve your personal goals.

-----------Once you’re in the rightful place, there will be no one else to compare with.

To do that for you, I’m releasing my book for free this month. At the cost of nothing, it’s put directly into your hands. Your final commitment, to end the guilt, is to read it. I’ve never given something so valuable away for free.

I Will Not Put A Price Tag On What’s Rightfully Yours. I can only do it during this month.

You have an entire celebration to go through. And we’re now walking you past the emptiness, anxiety and void. Embrace the fullness that’s yours.

Do it now. Open your copy, and discover how powerful success becomes when you become you. We’re ready to celebrate Women’s History Month, but this time it’s for you to make YOUR MARK and success this time. I know…you already have it in you!

- J.J.

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The Perfect Guy | Is Your Partner a Sociopath? | Jada Jackson, LMHC

Is your partner a sociopath?

From time to time, Hollywood gives us an opportunity to discussion real life mental health and relationship issues by releasing major feature films like “the perfect guy.”

After its debut, many questioned the behaviors of their boyfriends, girlfriends, partners or spouses…why? Because sociopathic behavior begins charming and often ends destructive.

“The Perfect Guy” with Sannaa Lathan, Michael Ealy and Morris Chessnut, did not disappoint us, as the thriller captured all of the conflict, drama and romance of relationships at various stages. If you haven’t seen the movie, I will not spoil it for you…but, what I will do, is give you a step by step blow of how you can spot sociopathic behavior in your love life…

So, how many of us are actually faced with the sociopathic aggression of our exes after a breakup? And, How do you know if your partner has sociopathic tendencies?
Here are a few things to look out for:
But first, let me just say that ALL of us have some form of CRAZY…so, don’t take my list to the extreme. As a LMHC, I assess my clients for Duration, Intensity and Frequency of symptoms. This means that before I even think about diagnosing a patient with a disorder, I want to ensure that the DIF are significant enough to consider.

With that said, according to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders….this is what to look for if you believe you are dating a sociopath…
•    Superficial charm
•    Grandiose sense of self-worth
•    Prone to boredom
•    Pathological lying
•    Manipulative
•    Lack of remorse
•    Shallow
•    Lack of empathy
•    parasitic lifestyle
•    poor behavior control
•    unrealistic goals
•    impulsive
•    irresponsible
•    unreliable
•    impersonal sex life

If you are dating someone that fits the criteria of a sociopath, consider whether or not your life is negatively effected by their behavior. Remember, it is important to trust your gut and make sure that you are not in danger. If you are second guessing your situation, contact a relationshiop counselor that can help you sort though your confusiton.
And if you haven’t seen the movie, click on trailors listed below.
If you’ve seen the movie, I want to know your thoughts. Share your comments and thoughts below.
I’m Jada Jackson, LMHC and I’ll see you next time.

Please Comment! Let me know what you think.

 

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BACK TO SCHOOL: Let the Games Begin! | 3 Tips PARENTS need to know

BACK TO SCHOOL: Let the Games Begin! | 3 Tips PARENTS need to know

It’s that time again! Anxiety and stress are crouched at the door! Your child is both excited and nervous; and you are holding your breath in anticipation of your teen’s next emotional roller-coaster ride.

As we approach a new school year, many parents are wondering if things will ever change. Well, the quick answer is, “No!” Of course, your child will still have butterflies on the first day of school. Your child may not want to go to school on the first day. She may have anxiety because she has the second-lunch period and her best friend has the first-lunch period. She may have fears about fitting in and being accepted. So, of course, she will be a little anxious and nervous.

But, how do you know if your child falls within the normal behavioral guidelines for back-to-school anxiety? Answer “YES” or “NO” to the following questions:

Does your child usually complain of stomachaches or body pains the night before or the morning of school?

Does your child suddenly seem quiet or withdrawn?

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Has your child become more angry and/or irritable than usual?

Has your child’s eating or sleeping patterns changed?

Does your child seem to worry more than usual?

If you’ve answered, “YES” to three or more of these questions, it is possible that your child is experiencing back-to-school anxiety. Remember, life changes may cause a variety of emotional and somatic symptoms as your child learns to adjust to new classes, new students, a new environment, new teachers, and new expectations. This is normal. The real question is, “How can you help?”

Unfortunately, parents mistake their child’s anxious behavior as disrespect or “having an attitude.” It is important that you are able to recognize your child’s symptoms.

TIP #1: PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR

It is important to recognize slight behavioral changes in your child. If your child is cranky and irritable most of the time, you should seek help from a physician or mental health counselor. However, if your child is usually jovial and carefree, but you notice that she is angry and withdrawn…take this seriously. Here are a few symptoms to look for:

Psychological/Emotional Symptoms may include:

·      Excessive worry

·      Fear or panic

·      Irritability, anger

·      Dread

·      Obsessive thoughts

·      Difficulty concentrating

Physical symptoms:

·      Nausea or vomiting

·      Rapid heartbeat

·      Body aches

·      Muscle tension

·      Changes in eating and/or sleeping patterns

·      Sweating, hands and palms

·      Butterflies in stomach

 

TIP #2: DO NOT ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE

Your child may struggle with communicating exactly what she is feeling. When children are faced with change, their first reaction will be anger. It is important to understand that ANGER is a secondary emotion and usually there is a primary emotion lurking beneath anger. Those primary emotions may include the following:

·      Fear

·      Confusion

·      Unworthiness

·      Envy or Jealousy

·      Devalued

·      Helplessness

·      Inferior

·      Overwhelmed

·      Lonely

·      Hurt

·      Sad

·      Uncomfortable

·      Awkward

·      Distrusting

If your child displays angry or irritable emotions, refrain from adding fuel to the fire. Instead of chastising your child for acting out, attempt to understand. Here are a few questions you can ask your child:

·      How do you feel about your first week of school?

·      I know your feel angry, but what else are you feeling right now?

·      What can I do to help you?

·      What else will help you deal with what you are feeling?

In moments of distress, it is necessary to become your child’s ally and not her adversary.

TIP #3: SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IN A LIFE-COACH OR COUNSELOR

Choosing to work with a Coach or Counselor is not an admission of weakness for your child or your family. When you decide to team up with a coach, you are giving your child an opportunity to embrace personal, social and academic success!

Coaching and Counseling will provide your child with emotional benefits that will strengthen her confidence, self-esteem and overall success. Here are a few benefits of adolescent or teen therapy:

·      Learn self-awareness skills to recognize emotional distress

·      Understand the difference between perceived and actual fears

·      Explore social anxiety triggers and learn to let go of fears

·      Understand and process relational conflicts and/or challenges

·      Learn to REFRAME negative emotions, thoughts and experiences.

·      Learn to create strategic plans to achieve attainable goals

·      Learn to embrace hope and positivity

·      Develop healthy decision-making skills

·      Learn the art of emotional management

As a Teen Self-Esteem Specialist, I encourage parents to take an active role in the emotional development of their children. As I work with my teen clients, I also work with the parents. It is necessary that the parent learn just as much as the child. Understanding your Parenting Style is the first step to helping your child succeed. Over the past 15 years, I've worked with teens girls challenged with low self-esteem and poor decision-making skills. My NEW Self-Esteem POWER approach to working with teen girls has proven both successful and necessary for building healthy self-concept. This 6-step approach to counseling teen girls through self-esteem issues will help your child achieve greater success!

I you want more information about back to school anxiety or parenting styles, contact a therapist near you. Or you can click the button below for a free consultation to learn more about Jada's Self-Esteem POWER Kit for Teen Girls!



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CRAZY-IN-LOVE: 3 Tips for Common Relationship Problems

“Who’s singing that song?” I asked the girls at the front desk. The lyrics were clearly Beyonce’s “Crazy in love,” but the voice and music were very soft, smooth and lullaby-like. It was amazing. I could actually hear the lyrics clearly. It was Daniella Andrade…

Crazy-in-love is a term I hear from some of my clients that feel they are stuck between insane love and painful rage. Maybe Beyonce was on to something. Maybe she crawled into the heads of some of my crazy-in-love clients who couldn’t explain WHY their hearts pounded when a certain someone walked by; or HOW they put up with emotional abuse by a certain someone that only called after midnight and wouldn’t call again until two weeks later. WHY?

What did Beyonce’ mean when she said, “Got me lookin’ so crazy right now?"

Have you ever asked yourself why you put up with certain negative behaviors in a relationship? Have you ever wondered why you couldn’t get a certain person out of your mind?  Well, maybe it has everything to do with YOU and not necessarily them. Maybe we are crazy in love because we are in search of our deepest, most intimate desires in the form of a person. Once we believe we've found that person, we find ourselves lost in the sea of disappointment because our expectations were shattered. Well, whatever your "crazy-in-love" may be, we've all been there!

Remember, most of us are in search of that special someone that we can spend the rest of our lives with and grow old together. Unfortunately, most of us that find ourselves saying, “I do,” also find ourselves saying, “I don’t!” That’s right, over 50% of all marriages end in divorces and dreams are shattered. Lives are changed and hearts are broken when we fail to address our "crazy-in-love" issues; and whether we believe it or not, ALL relationships experience conflict and challenges.

Here are the 3 most common relationship problems and possible solutions.

Communication:

This is the #1 conflict couples have and the basis for many arguments. It results in a lack of understanding that causes even further distance. There is a misconception that poor communication means a lack of verbal dialogue. But it really means that somewhere along the line the conversation has become guarded and there isn’t the openness necessary to have the discussions needed to stay connected and make the relationships last.

Communication Solutions:

o   Speak your mind: This means trusting yourself enough to be vulnerable in the relationship and share with your partner what is on your mind. It’s essential you speak up so you and your partner can be on the same page.

o   Be receptive: When a person speaks their mind and it isn’t received well, it can be discouraging for open communication in the future. Even in difficult situations its important to maintain respect and listen to what the other has to say. This gives you the ability to have a full understanding so you can work as a team to solve them.

Problem Solving:

Different personality types can create a wide range of responses when it comes to solving problems. Some people cope with avoidance, anger defensiveness, blame, etc. The method in which problems are handled can either strengthen or weaken the relationship.

Problem Solving Solutions:

o   Stay on topic: When problems arise they can often trigger past conflicts and create a bigger problem. Discuss the present issue with the intentions of resolving it and instead of strengthening your argument.

o   Agree to disagree: There will be things that you and your partner have different views on. You don’t have to sacrifice your values or what you think is right. Accept the difference in opinion so you can reach an emotional closure.

o   Work together: An argument shouldn’t become a battle of who wins or loses. Work together and encourage yourself to grow to a point where obstacles become lessons and problems in your relationship become a signal for teamwork.

Poor Sex Life:

Even couples that have a great emotional relationship can have completely different needs when it comes to sex. A good sex life is open to discussion and meets the needs of both people. Studies have shown that a good sex life is considered to contribute to about 20% of a happy relationship. But a bad sex life is said to contribute about 70% of an unhappy relationship. Meaning that a bad sex life has a much bigger impact on the connection.

Solutions For a Better Sex Life:

o   Express your needs: If you’re not feeling fulfilled in your sexual relationship with your partner, that void will just increase. Express what you’re needs and have a continuous open dialogue.

o   Be open-minded: Sex someone you love is a very intimate and vulnerable experience that allows you to love your partner in a physical way. Be open to new experiences, this helps foster the spark in your connection and keep the excitement alive.

o   Seek a therapist. A bad sex life could have an underlying problem that may need the help of a therapist or sex counselor to help discover what it is.

Relationships can bring the greatest joy you’ve ever known, but they take work.  If you consider the tips above, tune into your partner, and allow yourself to be vulnerable; you have the formula for what it takes to make your relationship last. 

Still feeling a little "Crazy-in-love?" Contact a therapist and book a session TODAY!

Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

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3 Beauty Tips to Improve Your Mood: Get BRAIN-SMART!

3 Beauty Tips to Improve Your Mood: Get BRAIN-SMART!

If you look like a MESS, you will FEEL like a mess! With the hustle and bustle of today's pop culture, it seems harder and harder to keep up with beauty and fashion trends. This article is designed to give you three simple tips to LOOK better and improve your MOOD at the same time.

I spent ten years as a fashion and print model; and I've walked over 2,000 runways! Now, I want to take the time to combine my "beauty-knowledge" with my "brain-power."

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Remember, the definition of MOOD is a "temporary state of mind." That means that your mood may change from day to day or from month to month. One of the most important skills that I teach my clients is the technique of "managing emotions" from hour to hour throughout the day. Maintaining emotional stability throughout the day will give you greater focus, improve relationships and help you make more effective decisions. Additionally, you can also manage your emotions by choosing to LOOK better. Yes! That's right! Regardless of your age, profession or physical attributes, you can FEEL better about yourself TODAY when you embrace these three simple beauty tips:

1. GROOMING

2. ACCESSORIZING

3. PAMPERING

Let's get started!

GROOMING is the first step to a more "manicured" appearance. Do you ever wonder why some women look flawless even when casually hanging out or shopping? Oftentimes it's because they pay attention to details! Your eye brows, nails (fingers and toes), and hair must be maintained at all times! For me, I believe the brows are the most important aspect of the face. I spend a great deal of time making sure that my brows are groomed perfectly. This is my most important tip! If you want, you can stop reading here because if you focus on your eye brows only, you will begin to look and feel better!

Remember, it is so important to keep your brows waxed, plucked and manicured at all times. Even if you do not wear makeup…KEEP YOUR EYE-BROWS FLAWLESS!!! The video below will help you get started if you are a beginner, and give you some additional tips if you are already a brow-pro!

 

Also, when it come to grooming, it is necessary to keep your finger and toe nails manicured. You do not have to wear colored polish or acrylics to look groomed and flawless; but, you must pay attention to detail. If you wear your nails short, keep them filed and clean; and always keep hand lotion with you. There is nothing worse than shaking hands with someone that has rough, dry hands.

Another grooming must is to keep your hair NEAT! No matter what hairstyle you choose, make sure that it compliments your face and it looks neat. You always can tell a well-put-together person by how they maintain their hair.

If you make intentional upgrades in these grooming areas, you will certainly begin to feel better about yourself.

 

ACCESSORIZING is the second step to a more “put-together” YOU! Remember, accessories are the glue that holds an outfit together. Whether you are headed to the office or walking around the park, pay close attention to your accessories…and don’t forget that less is more. A simple pair of sunglasses, a simple bracelet, or earring can add just the right touch to make a statement and upgrade your mood. Look better...feel better! The video below is simple and to the point. There are some great tips to get you started. You may agree or disagree with some of the options, however, take a a risk and be creative!

Final tip...

PAMPERING is the third beauty step to boost your mood! Life is crazy, the kids are busy with activities, work is demanding and everyone needs YOU! Well, tell them to WAIT! Take an hour and a half to PAMPER you! Applying a little love and care to your chaotic world will not only boost your mood, but you will begin to feel better about yourself. Remember, you do not have to spend a lot of time on pampering...again, less is more!

Here are a few Ideas for pampering yourself...keep an open mind and be willing to be CREATIVE! Click the button below.

 

 

Respectfully yours,

Jada Jackson, LMHC-3.png


Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

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UPENN Suicide

The death of Madison Holleran in January 2014 made national news at the time, and has recently resurfaced in a big way. Her suicide made waves, and it stands out for important reasons. It brings to surface the significance of mental health and the potentially detrimental effects unnoticed or unattended cries of help, or state of well being, can have. It also sheds light on the fact that college can be a breeding ground for depression, anxiety and other serious mental health problems that often go ignored. Many see one’s moodiness or unhappiness when first in college as adjusting or having a hard time making friends. Though often that is the case, the University of Pennsylvania tragedy shows that for some, mental declines are more than just stress, getting used to a new atmosphere, and a big change in life. Madison’s sadness and feelings of depression may have stemmed from her grades or feeling that she wasn’t meeting self-set expectations, but it is clear to me that an underlying mental health condition was at play.  

She was an Ivy League track star, seemingly happy and presenting a front of having everything together. A popular athlete can’t get depressed or have a mental illness, one may say. After the tragedy, everyone was shocked because by all appearances—on social media—Madison seemed too happy and “perfect” to be afflicted. The masking of social media unintentionally contributes to cases of depression and suicides, gone unaddressed before it’s too late. I think there are important lessons to take away from this tragic situation.

·      Don’t assume that because someone’s social media accounts appear to portray him/her as perfectly okay, that everything really is okay—it is easy to hide one’s true feelings or state of mind in that way.  

·      If someone asks for help, a courageous and hard thing to do when feeling depressed or coping with a mental health problem, do not make light of it or push the situation to the side expecting it to go away.

·      Push for the wellbeing of the person struggling; they are probably in a state of mind of not being concerned, or unable to care about their own health. Get them into treatment! If you see signs of serious issues, be persistent in getting the individual to a physician and/or therapy.

·      Assure your loved one that it’s okay to be sick. It is not their fault, a weakness, or a sign of imperfection. It is okay to have a health problem and get help. In Madison’s case, her depression and mental health crisis felt like a burden to her, and she saw it as a burden for her family. She did not want to cause her loved ones any inconvenience with the things she was going through. So she took matters into her own hands, in the only way that she felt she could.

Madison’s father James said, “We knew she needed help. She knew she needed help.” Depression overcame Madison, and its severity came as a shock to her family, who cared deeply and did all they knew how to do to help her. Sadly, no one could see or predict the strength of the monster she was fighting. Madison’s story is unfortunately not unique; too many other cases happen nearly every day of college students—people in general— succumbing to depression or mental illness and taking their own life. As I am sure Madison would want, her story can be an example to others struggling with depression, a glimmer of the harsh reality that mental illness can bring, and a warning— which families of one in such a situation should take to heart.

 

Author: Emily Simpson (Intern)

 

References:

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2542641/UPenn-shocked-freshman-track-star-Madison-Holleran-19-jumps-death.html

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5 Things Every Woman Should Know About Self-Esteem

1)            You marry and engage in relationships at the level of YOUR self-esteem.

2)            YOU teach people how to treat you based on how you treat yourself.

3)            YOUR success is based on how much YOU believe in YOU.

4)            Self-esteem is an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY commodity.

5)            YOUR individual expectations can ONLY be fulfilled when you embrace a   HEALTH self-concept.

You marry and engage in relationships at the level of YOUR self-esteem.  If you are unhappy in your marriage or your relationship, it is probably because you are disappointed that your partner is unsatisfactory. I am working with a client that is very angry that she is married to a man that didn’t tell her the truth about his financial struggles. She is now paying the bills to provide for the household and she has taken on the complete role of provider. Well, what should she do in a situation like this? Should she leave? Should she shame him into doing better financially? These situations are never easy and clear-cut. At best, she must decide how much she is willing to take and develop a strategy for her future. Remember, if you are in a draining relationship, I encourage you to take a long, good look in the mirror and examine YOUR self-esteem.

YOU teach people how to treat you based on how you treat yourself. Whether it is verbally or nonverbally, we are the sole instructors for how others treat us. Remember, what you tolerate…you ALLOW. Finding a happy balance of advocacy for our happiness is an important first step to healthier self-esteem. When we do not speak up or when we refuse to set healthy boundaries, others will take advantage. Did you know that ALL human beings are opportunists? YES, we are! That is the downside of human nature. Maybe some are more predator-like than others, but the truth is, if we do not establish healthy boundaries in our relationships, even those who love us most will take advantage of us. We can only blame OURSELVES for how people treat us. Food for thought.

YOUR success is based on how much YOU believe in YOU. Do you know that entrepreneurs who believe in themselves have a higher success rate in their businesses than those who are insecure about their abilities? It’s great to have a support system that believes in you, but if you don’t believe in yourself then no one else will buy into your vision or dream. Again, bad-breaks or bad-luck is not the demise of your success…but, it is how much you believe or do not believe in YOU. If your skill-set or knowledge-base needs a makeover, pursue options for continued education or personal development. Self-esteem in developed through increased competence, academic nurturing, family support, social engagement, physical acceptance and how you feel about your accomplishments. Take time to consider your strengths in each of these areas and make a commitment to do something about it.

Self-esteem is an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY commodity.  The great thing about self-esteem is the SELF-component. Yes, exactly, to develop healthy self-esteem begins and ends with SELF. Regardless of your ethnicity, race, socioeconomic background or your failures in life, YOU still have the power to make a change. Personal development NEVER ends. We are continuously growing and developing regardless of our age. I have a 55-year-old client, who is still working to build healthy relationships with family members and coworkers. This doesn’t mean that the client is deficient in any way, it just means that we ALL have the opportunity to continue our pursuit of happiness and healthy relationships. Therapy has been the best way for this client to grow and embrace a healthier self-concept.

YOUR individual expectations can ONLY be fulfilled when you embrace a HEALTHY self-concept.  Most of us are disappointed when our expectations go unfulfilled. Remember, we cannot control others, but we can control ourselves. As simple and this concept is, many of us spend a lifetime attempting to force others to change and to do things that will make our lives happy. News Flash: ONLY YOU CAN FULFILL YOUR EXPECTATIONS! Now, of course, others can contribute to your happiness, but at the end of the day, YOU are at the helm of the ship. How you allow others to treat you, the decisions YOU make, and YOUR belief in yourself will determine how fulfilled and happy your life with be.

Final Thought: It takes 21-days to change a bad habit. It takes 90 days to make it stick. It takes a lifetime to create your own happiness and it begins with embracing a healthier self-concept.

 

Respectfully yours,

Jada Jackson, LMHC-3.png


Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

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JADA'S PERSONALS: GRIEF & BOBBI KRISTINA BROWN

The news of Bobbi Kristina’s accident was sudden and some might say shocking. As the daughter of 2 well known entertainers, Whitney Houston and Bobbi Brown, life for Bobbi wasn’t always easy. The pressure of the spotlight, the long drug history in the family, and the co-dependent relationship with her husband Nick Gordon, all played a role.

Was there anything anyone could have done to stop her? Were there any signs that lead up to this? We have the potential warning signs of someone at risk and the tips to help them get through it.

The potential warning signs of self-destruction or suicide:

  • Talking about feeling hopeless or have no reason to live.
  • Discusses feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
  • Feels like a burden to others.
  • Increase use of alcohol or drugs.
  • Behaves impulsively or reckless (acting abnormally anxious)
  • Change in sleep patterns
  • Displays extreme mood swings
  • Begin to give sentimental things away.

It’s important to not only know how to spot these warning signs, you need to know what to do once you have. These tips will give you a good grasp on what someone needs and what role you need to play if there are contemplating self-harm of any kind.

Open the conversation: A lot of times when someone is in a dark place or contemplating suicide, it’s difficult for him or her to seek help. If you notice a loved one’s behavior changing and becoming a concern, ask them what’s going on. It’s imperative you do it with compassion to avoid projecting feelings of shame or guilt onto the person.

Take action on potential danger. We can sometimes dismiss the cues leading up to a suicide because we don’t want to overreact, or we avoid sharing someone’s personal information so we don’t disrespect or offend him or her. But that is a mistake. Suicide is a dangerous and permanent decision a person cannot take back. If you know someone that is a potential threat to his or her self, tell someone. They will thank you later.

Try to understand their situation. One of the most common reasons a person commits suicide is because they feel alone and like a burden. So it’s crucial you try your best not to trivialize their situation and try to understand what they’re going through, even if you can’t relate to it.

Authors: Jada Jackson and Dani James (Intern)

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Laws of Attraction | 3 Steps to Use the Laws to Your Advantage | Jada Jackson LMHC

Laws of Attraction | 3 Steps to Use the Laws to Your Advantage | Jada Jackson LMHC

We can all point out the “beautiful” people in a room, but that doesn’t guarantee we’re all going to be 100% attracted to them. For example, your friend can be completely love-struck by someone you think resembles a blend between Carrot Top and Quasimodo, why is that? Why are we attracted to one person over another? What draws us to certain people, aside from the obvious physical appearance?

This can be explained by the “Law of Attraction,” the concept that ‘like attracts like’. Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. The reciprocity principal and the uncertainty principle also play a part in our attraction toward potential partners. 

There are 2 elements in the law of attraction that makes it a bit complicated. In the reciprocity principle there are clear signs of interest from both sides, the attraction progresses and things go on from there. In the uncertainty principle a person finds out another ‘might’ like them and become focused on the discovering the answer. They begin to interpret actions as explanations to support the possibility. This focus begins to translate as desire and longing without truly knowing them.

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Those dealing with the reciprocity principle felt happier, more content, and made a smoother transition into a relationship. Those dealing with the uncertainty principle felt higher levels of attraction but lower levels of happiness. The uncertainty can become emotionally draining.

As far as “like attract like,” the attitude we have can determine the type of people we attract. A positive or negative attitude can be picked up on from across the room. It can be from our posture, hand movements, tone of voice, facial expressions, and so on. We make unconscious leaks in our attitude that are picked up and pursued by those who can relate. Which is why we often find ourselves in the same type of relationship.

Use the Law of Attraction in your favor to start attracting the best partners for you.

1.     Stay true to yourself. You can’t attract the right person if you’re sending out false signals. Be authentic and let the real you come out.

2.     Love who you are. If you need someone else to make you feel great about yourself, you’re going to attract the wrong person. Acknowledge your greatness and lead with it.

3.     Maintain a positive attitude. If you accept yourself and love all that you are, it’s hard not to have a positive attitude. This will not only attract more positive relationships but it will also increase your respect and standard for yourself to help in selecting the right person for you.

By understanding the power in the laws of attraction, you understand that you have control in who you attract by controlling what you put out, and always presenting your best self. If you work with the laws of attraction, positive attractions and relationships are bound to follow.

Author: Dani James (Intern)

 

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National Mentoring Month | Thank Your Mentor Day: January 15th 2015 (Click Here)

 The key to improving your business, achieving your goals and maximizing your potential is…COACHING! Did you know that people with coaches or mentors are more productive and more successful? Yep! Here I am spending a little time with my coach, Les Brown! 2015 is the year for GREATER SUCCESS!

The key to improving your business, achieving your goals and maximizing your potential is…COACHING! Did you know that people with coaches or mentors are more productive and more successful? Yep! Here I am spending a little time with my coach, Les Brown! 2015 is the year for GREATER SUCCESS!

 

Please click the "Share" button above and also PLEASE leave a comment!

January is National Mentoring Month (NMM)! If you are not familiar with NMM, the movement began in 2002 and was developed by the Harvard School of Public Health. More specifically, NMM focuses on encouraging “individuals, government agencies, schools, faith communities and nonprofits” to work together to pair mentors and mentees. Additionally, well-known individuals that have worked with NMM include the U.S. President, members of Congress, Maya Angelou, for President Bill Clinton, Clint Eastwood, Senator John McCain, Quincy Jones, General Colin L. Powell, Cal Ripken, Jr., Bill Russell and Usher.

Mentoring WORKS! Children and teens with effective mentor relationships are more likely to have higher grades, healthier social relationships and personal success. Additionally, professionals with

I am excited because January 15th is National Thank Your Mentor Day and I want you to join me in celebrating mentors and coaches! Do you have a mentor? Do you have a coach? Have these people inspired you? If so, take time to acknowledge your mentor and coach today. Post a pic, send a text or invite them to lunch. A small gesture of gratitude will let them know just how thankful you are for their support and guidance.

As a licensed mental health counselor and life coach, I’ve mentored and coached many, many clients throughout the years. I believe mentorship is an important part of development for thriving professionals, entrepreneurs and students. So, I want to take time to acknowledge my AMAZING mentors and coaches, who have walked with me through the good and bad. Thanks to all of you! Especially Les Brown and Dr. Stacia Pierce!



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Tips For Parents: Understanding Parenting Styles

Here are some common conflicts most, if not all, parents face:

Common conflicts for parents:
-Disruptive children (making a scene it public)
-Communication (not knowing what children are doing)
-Demanding your attention
-Messy children (won’t clean up after themselves)
-Picky eating (getting them to eat healthy foods)

Co-Parenting after Separation Conflicts:
-Resentment from previous relationship (disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing)
-Difficult time communicating
-Disagreements with discipline
-Time with children (having to split)

Blended Family Conflicts:
-Children not accepting new family (can cause tension in relationship)
-Confusion for kids (identity confusion)
-Can create rivalry between new and old siblings.
- Competing for attention

While assessing the conflicts we each endure, in order to best assist the consummation of this metaphorical bridge, we must first identify what type of parenting style we fall into:

Authoritarian Parenting: Parents set strict rules that have to be followed, failure to do so will result in harsh punishment. These parents typically have high demands, but don’t tune into their children. This style is generally obedience and status based and expects their order to be obeyed without explanation. Referred to as the “because I said so” parents.  

 Impact on child:
  -Tend to associate obedience and success with love.
  -May display more aggressive behavior outside home.
  -May act fearful or overly shy around others.
  -Have difficulty in social situations.
  -Often have lower self-esteem.

 
Authoritative Parenting:
Like Authoritarian, these parents establish rules that their children are expected to follow. But with this style parents are more responsive to their children and are open to listening to questions from them. When children make mistakes these parents are more nurturing and forgiving. They monitor and impact clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive or restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self regulated as well as cooperative.

 Impact on child:
  -Have good emotional control and regulation
  -Tend to have happier dispositions
  -Develop good social skills
  -Are self-confident about their abilities to learn new skills.

 
Permissive Parenting:
Permissive parents are generally known for rarely disciplining their children due to their expectations in the maturity and control of the child. They are more responsive then they are demanding, they do not require mature behavior and avoid confrontation. This often leads to being more of a friend then a parent.

 Impacts on child:
  -Lack self-discipline.
  - Sometimes have poor social skills.
  -May be self-involved and demanding.
  -May feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance.

Uninvolved Parenting: An uninvolved parent has few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. These parents fulfill the child’s basic needs, like food and shelter, but then are generally detached from their child’s life. They are typically emotionally distant from their children, offer little or no supervision, show little warmth, love and affection towards their children, don’t attend school events and parent-teacher conferences, and are often overwhelmed by their own problems.

 Impact on child:
  -Must learn to provide for themselves.
  -Fear becoming dependent on other people.
  -Are often emotionally withdrawn.
  -Tend to exhibit more delinquency during adolescence.
  -Feel fear, anxiety or stress due to the lack of family support.
  -Have an increased risk of substance abuse.
 
It's often the case, that as adults we belittle and minimize the personality of kids, deeming them and their opinions trivial and unimportant and while although some kids say the darnest things, unconditional support and love, go a very, very long way. Next, are some tips an hour to better bridge the generation gap. But before we move on, it's important to keep in mind two points I've mentioned previously: having a sincere and open line of communication and finding a unique bond with every child.

Tips to help resolve parenting conflict:

Know kids will make mistakes. It’s a guarantee. No one is perfect and accepting mistakes are a learning process makes it so much easier to roll with the punches. As children develop they test boundaries, it’s a part of their nature. Instead of getting angry or avoiding it, confront the situation from a compassionate and guided perspective and the children will respond.

Be open to communication. You want your children to feel like they can come to you when they do make a mistake, instead of not telling you and the problem potentially getting worse.

Support the others discipline. If your children observe disagreements on how to discipline the situation, it makes the immediately disrespect. If there are disagreements take the issue aside and try to find a discipline that can work for both parents and that both are willing to continuously carry out.

Provide a constant form of consistency. In order for a child to positively grow, they need a solid stable form to start from. Whatever changes being made or stage they are going through in life, there needs to be a consistent source of love and support. You don’t have to love and support some of the behavior, but you have to consistently love and support the child.

Find a unique bond with each child. It’s important as the parent or stepparent, you create a unique bond with each child. Having a special connection helps them find their individuality and create an attachment. Its important to make each child feel just as important as the other.

Use mistakes as teaching tools. When kids inevitably do make mistakes, its important to use that time as a teaching moment and show the child the mistakes behind made so they can better recognize how to solve it next time. Simply solving the problem yourself, avoiding it, or getting angry with them wont help them grow. Kids that are taught to use mistakes as lessons were shown to adjust to change more successfully.

I sincerely hope these tips have benefitted you, the reader, and have provided some insight on how to curb one's own desires and habits. Kids are our future and, as stated earlier, although sometimes they can be a handful and overwhelming, how we treat them today, shapes the people they become,and consequently the world we live in, tomorrow.

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC, Dani James and Ricardo Mojo (Interns)

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Forgive and Set Boundaries--5 Steps to Protect Yourself

Forgive and Set Boundaries--5 Steps to Protect Yourself

“Forgiveness allows us to let go of the pain in the memory and if we let go of the pain in the memory we can have the memory but it does not control us. When memory controls us we are then the puppets of the past.” – Alexandra Asseily. I love this quote because it is so true in the process of forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you automatically forget everything that happened, it means you are making a conscious decision to let go of the pain and anger that is bringing you down, and learn for the memory.

Forgiving someone that has damaged your trust and security in the relationship, whether it is a fight with your siblings, other family members, or friends, the way you handle it is all the same. I recommend these 5 stages to help forgive and let go in difficult circumstances.

Give yourself permission. Wanting to forgive and actually embracing the processes of forgiveness are two very different concepts. Allowing yourself to do so is the first step in the process because it can sometimes be the hardest. Having to let go and allow yourself to be vulnerable in a situation you were once hurt can be scary. But it can build your confidence, courage, and self-esteem knowing you can get through some tough experiences EVEN IF the situation does repeat itself. It builds your confidence knowing that whatever life brings, you have the strength to overcome it. Holding on to resentment and anger won’t make the other person or the situation any better and it will only hurt you.

Be self-aware. Tune into your feelings and identify why you’re upset. Avoidance is never a good long-term approach because it will come out in the relationship in other destructive ways.

Consider the past and present. Look at the (offending) persons past behavior. If they have done this numerous times in the past, you will probably want to keep your guard a little closer until that pattern starts to disappear. But if this was a one time thing and their past behavior gives no real indication that it will happen again, then their prior years of consistent stability should stand for something.

Set a healthy baseline. Don’t be afraid to be honest when something is bothering you. The only way people will know which lines they can cross, is if you allow them to do so. Be assertive and confront the situation levelheaded but direct, and you will set a healthy baseline of your expectations.

Start small. When healing from a damaged relationship trying to go back and pretend that everything is normal is just avoiding the reality, which is only a short-term solution. Start small so you can build the confidence and trust back. Being self-aware is very important at this stage too, so you can determine the appropriate pace that works for you and discuss it.

Being angry and holding on to pain uses a lot of physical and emotional energy. Releasing yourself of that turmoil will allow you to having more energy that you can focus towards things that make you happy. Keeping that resentment with you is only forcing yourself to live the painful moment, every single day. Who is that really helping? Forgive and allow yourself to be happy.

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Danielle James, Intern

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Let Go of a Grudge! 4 Tips to get started Today

It's time to cover yet another challenge we all seem to battle: holding on to grudges. Now most grudges are constructed in order to help us cope with being wronged, but why do we tend to hold on to them longer than we'd like to? Before we cross that bridge, it's important to know why we hold on to grudges. Here are a few common reasons:

Protection. Sometimes we have an unconscious belief that holding onto resentment from a former problem will protect you from ever being taken advantage of in the future. But its actually counterproductive and prevents you from learning from experiences.

Revenge. People sometimes feel that if they let go of the anger or resentment too quickly that the other person is getting off too easily. But holding on to a grudge allows someone else's behavior and actions affect your happiness.

Fear. We fear that if we let go of what hurt us, it will only happen again. And if we forgive the person that hurt us they will only do it again.

Need closure. A lot of times it's hard for people to let go of events or situations because there’s no resolution to it. They may feel like they need an apology or answers in order to move on.

Even though most of us would never deliberately wish harm or bad fortune on another person, it’s sometimes difficult to loosen the grip we have on our negative thoughts. Negative energies, even just being in a bad mood, tend to exhibit through ones body language and tone of voice. This just goes to show that holding grudges isn't just toxic for the mind in which it resides in, but to those around you as well. Here's a few tips on how to get let go of grudges.

How to let go of Grudges?

Acknowledge what took place. Acknowledge your hurt feelings and the situation itself. Bringing the issues to light is very important if you want to truly let the situation go. Trying to “brush it under the rug” will only hurt you and prevent you from processing your emotions.

Step into his or her shoes. Looking at the situation from the other persons point of view may help you understand. Its important to view the situation from their perspective to see what their intentions were and try understand where they are coming from. Sometimes people who have grown up in a lot of pain and anger will exhibit those characteristics and it has nothing to do with you or your friendship.

Choose to commit to forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t really have to do with the other person as much as it has to do with you. Forgiving the other person means your just letting the past be the past and not carrying the ill feelings with you. It does not mean that you will allow what happened to repeat itself it just means you are willing to let it go for yourself. During this process say it aloud, either to yourself or to whoever involved because verbalizing it makes it an action and will make it “real” in your brain.

Move on. Once you have forgave the incident, don't dwell on it. Don't go back and think of what-if situations. Just allow the situation to be what it is and move forward. You can't change a situation by living in the past, focus your energy on building your future.

What would it be like to live in a world where we wished well upon everyone, even those who have done wrong to us? While some see it as perhaps science fiction, others see it as a movement that begins, and perpetuates, with each and every one of us. I, personally, am inclined to firmly believe in the latter, as a world filled with love and compassion seems like a much more appealing place to live than one ran by vengeance and greed. So let go of the vengeful malicious intent, abandon the negative thoughts and adopt a much healthier lifestyle and mindset.

Have faith. Stay focused. Remember to breath.

Emotional Mojo Talk Show RECAP:

Benefits of Letting Go of a Grudge

Healthier relationships
Stronger emotional wellbeing
Minimize anxiety and depression
Lower your blood pressure
Lower risk of addictive behaviors

How do we let go of Grudges?

ACKNOWLEDGE what took place. (be honest with yourself)

STEP into HIS or HER shoes. (can you see the other side?)

Choose to COMMIT to forgiveness (for yourself)

MOVE ON. (an intentional action)

One thing to do today: CHOOSE one person and see if you can put yourself in their shoes to embrace empathy.

 

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC, Danielle James and Ricardo Mogo (Interns)

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