Viewing entries tagged
domestic violence survivor

Comment

CRAZY-IN-LOVE: 3 Tips for Common Relationship Problems

“Who’s singing that song?” I asked the girls at the front desk. The lyrics were clearly Beyonce’s “Crazy in love,” but the voice and music were very soft, smooth and lullaby-like. It was amazing. I could actually hear the lyrics clearly. It was Daniella Andrade…

Crazy-in-love is a term I hear from some of my clients that feel they are stuck between insane love and painful rage. Maybe Beyonce was on to something. Maybe she crawled into the heads of some of my crazy-in-love clients who couldn’t explain WHY their hearts pounded when a certain someone walked by; or HOW they put up with emotional abuse by a certain someone that only called after midnight and wouldn’t call again until two weeks later. WHY?

What did Beyonce’ mean when she said, “Got me lookin’ so crazy right now?"

Have you ever asked yourself why you put up with certain negative behaviors in a relationship? Have you ever wondered why you couldn’t get a certain person out of your mind?  Well, maybe it has everything to do with YOU and not necessarily them. Maybe we are crazy in love because we are in search of our deepest, most intimate desires in the form of a person. Once we believe we've found that person, we find ourselves lost in the sea of disappointment because our expectations were shattered. Well, whatever your "crazy-in-love" may be, we've all been there!

Remember, most of us are in search of that special someone that we can spend the rest of our lives with and grow old together. Unfortunately, most of us that find ourselves saying, “I do,” also find ourselves saying, “I don’t!” That’s right, over 50% of all marriages end in divorces and dreams are shattered. Lives are changed and hearts are broken when we fail to address our "crazy-in-love" issues; and whether we believe it or not, ALL relationships experience conflict and challenges.

Here are the 3 most common relationship problems and possible solutions.

Communication:

This is the #1 conflict couples have and the basis for many arguments. It results in a lack of understanding that causes even further distance. There is a misconception that poor communication means a lack of verbal dialogue. But it really means that somewhere along the line the conversation has become guarded and there isn’t the openness necessary to have the discussions needed to stay connected and make the relationships last.

Communication Solutions:

o   Speak your mind: This means trusting yourself enough to be vulnerable in the relationship and share with your partner what is on your mind. It’s essential you speak up so you and your partner can be on the same page.

o   Be receptive: When a person speaks their mind and it isn’t received well, it can be discouraging for open communication in the future. Even in difficult situations its important to maintain respect and listen to what the other has to say. This gives you the ability to have a full understanding so you can work as a team to solve them.

Problem Solving:

Different personality types can create a wide range of responses when it comes to solving problems. Some people cope with avoidance, anger defensiveness, blame, etc. The method in which problems are handled can either strengthen or weaken the relationship.

Problem Solving Solutions:

o   Stay on topic: When problems arise they can often trigger past conflicts and create a bigger problem. Discuss the present issue with the intentions of resolving it and instead of strengthening your argument.

o   Agree to disagree: There will be things that you and your partner have different views on. You don’t have to sacrifice your values or what you think is right. Accept the difference in opinion so you can reach an emotional closure.

o   Work together: An argument shouldn’t become a battle of who wins or loses. Work together and encourage yourself to grow to a point where obstacles become lessons and problems in your relationship become a signal for teamwork.

Poor Sex Life:

Even couples that have a great emotional relationship can have completely different needs when it comes to sex. A good sex life is open to discussion and meets the needs of both people. Studies have shown that a good sex life is considered to contribute to about 20% of a happy relationship. But a bad sex life is said to contribute about 70% of an unhappy relationship. Meaning that a bad sex life has a much bigger impact on the connection.

Solutions For a Better Sex Life:

o   Express your needs: If you’re not feeling fulfilled in your sexual relationship with your partner, that void will just increase. Express what you’re needs and have a continuous open dialogue.

o   Be open-minded: Sex someone you love is a very intimate and vulnerable experience that allows you to love your partner in a physical way. Be open to new experiences, this helps foster the spark in your connection and keep the excitement alive.

o   Seek a therapist. A bad sex life could have an underlying problem that may need the help of a therapist or sex counselor to help discover what it is.

Relationships can bring the greatest joy you’ve ever known, but they take work.  If you consider the tips above, tune into your partner, and allow yourself to be vulnerable; you have the formula for what it takes to make your relationship last. 

Still feeling a little "Crazy-in-love?" Contact a therapist and book a session TODAY!

Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

Comment

Comment

My Domestic Violence Survivor Story | Emotional Mojo on WE Tv | Jada Jackson

P1000746.jpg

This week I crossed another emotional threshold…a huge step toward emotional freedom on Emotional Mojo!

It was a little over a year ago when I joined the Emotional Mojo Talk Show team and I had no idea the impact this decision would have on my life. As a therapist, I am accustomed to listening to the challenges of others and developing treatment plans to assist in the healing process. On the other hand, as a talk show host, I have the unique challenge of looking into our society’s hot topics and current events to understand the psychology behind the headlines and unusual behavior. What I did not anticipate was the distinct opportunity I would have to share my “personal” experiences, fears, beliefs and strategies. This was “terrifying” for me because as a therapist, I am trained to be non-biased and never project my personal beliefs or opinions onto my clients. So, when I met our Emotional Mojo producers (especially RC) for the first time they wanted to know about “ME!” However, I wasn’t quite ready to reveal the "real Jada” to the viewing audience because I couldn’t decide how to balance the “Therapist-Jada” and the “Talk Show Host-Jada.” It was certainly a complicated journey and even though I wrote a book about my challenges with domestic violence, I’ve never openly discussed my pain and personal life on national television. Well, that has changed and I’ve been triggered to open up.

The trigger for me to open up and share my domestic violence story again reignited during the Ray and Janay Rice elevator incident. When the second video was released and we saw the confrontation unfold “inside” of the elevator many were outraged. One of our producers sent out an email about Twitter’s trending #whyistayed. I clicked the link and was moved by most of the Tweets, but horrified by others. The hurtful ones were the scathing name-calling Tweets that suggested domestic violence victims are crazy and stupid for staying in a situation that was clearly dysfunctional. Well, maybe it was not stated in those exact words but you get the idea; so I was compelled to blog about it.  Then it hit me. One of the reasons I stopped talking about my challenges was because of people like that! The condemnation, the judgment, the ridicule and the insensitivity were too much for me to deal with; so, I began to silence my voice. After all, I’m a therapist and I should just get over it! However, the truth remains constantly in my mind and although the physical and some of the mental pains have subsided, the emotional scars continue to need attention (especially in intimate relationships).

If you did not get a chance to read my first article about the Ray Rice incident and domestic violence CLICK HERE.

ALSO, On Monday morning, tune in or set your DVRs to here our personal testimonies of domestic violence and how you can help.  If you or someone you know is facing a painful domestic violence situation, tune into WE Tv at 6am EST to watch our compelling stories on Emotional Mojo and contact a therapist to assist in your healing process.

Sincerely Be-You-Tiful,

 

Jada Jackson, LMHC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Talk Show Host of Emotional Mojo

Author of Be-You-Tiful: The Threefold Process to Becoming You

Blogger and Author of Jada Jackson: My Story, My Life

The Official Facebook Fan Page: Jada Jackson Life Coach

jadajackson.com

 

Comment

1 Comment

Twitter's #WhyIStayed | I Needed Daddy's Love | Jada Jackson

Jada Jackson: Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Emotional Mojo Talk Show Host and Domestic Violence Survivor #WhyIStayed

Jada Jackson: Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Emotional Mojo Talk Show Host and Domestic Violence Survivor #WhyIStayed

Twitter’s #WhyIStayed got our Emotional Mojo producers thinking about domestic violence victims and I had to jump in and share my story…

So, here are my questions...Have you ever been in a relationship where you were punched in the face? Have you ever loved someone that brutally abused you? Have you ever stayed in a relationship after someone broke your back by tossing you down a flight of stairs? If so, there is a strong possibility you are being abused once again as the Raven’s Ray Rice saga continues. Why are you victimized yet again? Because there are those who are being verbally abusive (#whyistayed) and cruel because they cannot understand how you could be so “stupid” to stay in a brutal domestic violent situation. What they don’t understand is that YOU were a victim long before you entered into an abusive relationship. Remember, the opposite-sex parent develops positive and healthy self-esteem. So, there is a possibility that your were not equipped with the necessary skills and tools needed to navigate intimate relationships (this is NOT an excuse, but a fact). Not only have fathers failed female victims, but victims have been failed by a society of leaders that “look the other way.”

hi-res-181681807-running-back-ray-rice-of-the-baltimore-ravens-watches_crop_north.jpg

After NFL superstar Ray Rice was give a two-game suspension for striking his then fiancé Janayn Palmer in an elevator fight, many were outraged when Palmer married him and refused to press charges. Since the marriage, new footage of the attack was released by TMZ showing Rice throwing a single punch that knocked Palmer unconscious.

So, why do women (or men) stay in abusive relationships? Here are the simple answers with the understanding that abuse is much more complicated than a list of reasons for staying.

1)             Humiliation

2)             Financial/Socioeconomic benefits or status

3)             Generational belief that abuse is normal

4)             Fear

5)             Poor self-concept or poor self-esteem

6)             Warped love

7)             Children

8)             Religious Beliefs

9)             Emotional manipulation

 

We should all understand that victims stay for various reasons. So, since I am a domestic survivor, I will share with you “why I stayed.” As a childhood survivor of domestic violence, I did not know anything else. Unfortunately, I was accustomed to seeing my mother hit, kicked, slapped around and tossed around. I became used to yelling, screaming and broken glass. Is this an “excuse?” NO! It’s just a simple reality. I’d never seen a healthy marriage or intimate relationship. So, naturally I grew up and stayed in several physically and emotionally abusive relationships. It was my mother who called the police several times hoping I would come to my senses and leave the abusive relationship. So, why didn’t I leave? Humiliation, Religious Beliefs and poor self-esteem.

Today, as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, I work with men and women that have suffered physical, psychological, emotionally and spiritual abuse at the hands of someone they love. I fully understand the frustrations of non-victims and non-survivors. However, I plead with you to have mercy and extend grace to those that still struggle to embrace freedom from a domestic violent relationship. Here’s how you can help according to womenshealth.gov:

Here are some ways to help a friend who is being abused:

  • Set up a time to talk. Try to make sure you have privacy and won't be distracted or interrupted.
  • Let your friend know you're concerned about her safety. Be honest. Tell her about times when you were worried about her. Help her see that what she's going through is not right. Let her know you want to help.
  • Be supportive. Listen to your friend. Keep in mind that it may be very hard for her to talk about the abuse. Tell her that she is not alone, and that people want to help.
  • Offer specific help. You might say you are willing to just listen, to help her with childcare, or to provide transportation, for example.
  • Don't place shame, blame, or guilt on your friend. Don't say, "You just need to leave." Instead, say something like, "I get scared thinking about what might happen to you." Tell her you understand that her situation is very difficult.
  • Help her make a safety plan. Safety planning includes picking a place to go and packing important items.
  • Encourage your friend to talk to someone who can help. Offer to help her find a local domestic violence agency. Offer to go with her to the agency, the police, or court.
  • If your friend decides to stay, continue to be supportive. Your friend may decide to stay in the relationship, or she may leave and then go back many times. It may be hard for you to understand, but people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Be supportive, no matter what your friend decides to do.
  • Encourage your friend to do things outside of the relationship. It's important for her to see friends and family.
  • If your friend decides to leave, continue to offer support. Even though the relationship was abusive, she may feel sad and lonely once it is over. She also may need help getting services from agencies or community groups.
  • Keep in mind that you can't "rescue" your friend. She has to be the one to decide it's time to get help. Support her no matter what her decision.
  • Let your friend know that you will always be there no matter what.

If you or someone you know are struggling in a domestic violent relationship, contact a therapist today!

Sincerely Be-You-Tiful,

 

Jada Jackson, LMHC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Talk Show Host of Emotional Mojo

Author of Be-You-Tiful: The Threefold Process to Becoming You

Blogger and Author of Jada Jackson: My Story, My Life

The Official Facebook Fan Page: Jada Jackson Life Coach

1 Comment