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forgive yourself

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Celebrating Women's History Month | DOWNLOAD Your FREE eBOOK

Are You Faithfully Celebrating Women's History Month? Yes! We celebrate all successful women, but not because they are greater than we are.

“I’m old. I have cellulite. I’m 10 lbs overweight. My husband doesn’t look at me the way he used to. I don’t love him the way I did before. What happened to my life?”

I listened to a friend of mine tell me about how she just didn’t feel like waking up to go to work because she hated life. “This is not the life I planned. I’m successful, but I’m not happy. Nothing makes me happy.”

As we celebrate Women’s History Month in March, I thought it would be interesting to look at the contrast between what women want and what we actually get.

For many years, women have been celebrated during the month of March to highlight their extraordinary contributions to their countries. Both here in the U.S. and internationally, women have left a mark in history that deserves celebration, and this year, the theme for Women’s History Month is "Honoring Trailblazing Women in Labor and Business.”

As a businesswoman, I am very much aware of the challenges that threaten success. The greatest struggles that kept me from wanting to get out of bed, like my friend, were financial challenges, uncertainty, lack of confidence, strong competitors, and my inability to find “loyal” staff members. All of the areas were extremely challenging, however, the greatest struggle I had was establishing work/life balance consistently.

Day after Day, I work with women who feel unworthy, devalued, uncelebrated, and insecure. Interestingly enough, if you walked past one of them on the street, you would never know that they’ve thrown in the towel on happiness, contentment, and peace. Why? Because she looks amazing! She drives a luxury car (or something close to it). Her makeup is flawless. Her children are adorable and well dressed. She works hard. People love her. She is successful. She is all that; but, she’s dying inside. I just described the clients that I work with, but I also described me. My passion to help others came from a long, hard look in the mirror. When each of us looks into the mirror we should see one thing: HUMANITY. We are all HUMAN. This means that we all struggle. We all have insecurities. We all want to be loved. We all want to be valued. We all want success.

 

Are You Faithfully Celebrating This Month?

We Celebrate Successful Women; But, Not Because They’re Greater Than Us.

 

This month, we celebrate Women’s History in the United States…but many women harbor deep pain and problems.

Beneath the passion, behind all of the great success we find ourselves also motivated by a deep, painful guilt I, myself, know a great deal about. You may even question the importance of celebrating someone's life that doesn't quite model yours. Maybe women's history means nothing to you.

Well, it really doesn’t matter if you’re in the beginning phase of history making or not. False comparisons are made when you’ve no personal success as a point of reference.  

When March comes around, we ironically invite “the comparison trip” into our heads. Guilt floods in when you want the success that you find in another person.

Don’t feel embarrassed by it. This particular battle is a hard one to fight. And maybe it’s not just during the month of March, maybe it every month of the year that you struggle with illegitimate comparisons to your friends, coworkers, societal icons, or your sister.

 

- There’s Only One Way To Being You

 

Wherever you are; no matter how you’re going to “get there,” you’re not fulfilled until you arrive at your destination. The truth is, I don’t have a remedy or cure for the guilt you deal with.

I do, however, have a solution to enable you to walk the happy road to being you. The manifestation of who you are means you’ll be celebrated this month. There’s no need to wait.

I’m calling it my “positive step approach.” Instead of working on your guilt trip, I’m going to work on your final destination. This isn’t the place you’re at, at the moment.

Let me take you on the journey to become you! This is the same journey that the women we celebrate this month took to ultimate success. It was never an overnight success, and I won’t make it one for you. The journey ahead is a serious commitment that you have to make to achieve your personal goals.

-----------Once you’re in the rightful place, there will be no one else to compare with.

To do that for you, I’m releasing my book for free this month. At the cost of nothing, it’s put directly into your hands. Your final commitment, to end the guilt, is to read it. I’ve never given something so valuable away for free.

I Will Not Put A Price Tag On What’s Rightfully Yours. I can only do it during this month.

You have an entire celebration to go through. And we’re now walking you past the emptiness, anxiety and void. Embrace the fullness that’s yours.

Do it now. Open your copy, and discover how powerful success becomes when you become you. We’re ready to celebrate Women’s History Month, but this time it’s for you to make YOUR MARK and success this time. I know…you already have it in you!

- J.J.

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5 Things Every Woman Should Know About Self-Esteem

1)            You marry and engage in relationships at the level of YOUR self-esteem.

2)            YOU teach people how to treat you based on how you treat yourself.

3)            YOUR success is based on how much YOU believe in YOU.

4)            Self-esteem is an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY commodity.

5)            YOUR individual expectations can ONLY be fulfilled when you embrace a   HEALTH self-concept.

You marry and engage in relationships at the level of YOUR self-esteem.  If you are unhappy in your marriage or your relationship, it is probably because you are disappointed that your partner is unsatisfactory. I am working with a client that is very angry that she is married to a man that didn’t tell her the truth about his financial struggles. She is now paying the bills to provide for the household and she has taken on the complete role of provider. Well, what should she do in a situation like this? Should she leave? Should she shame him into doing better financially? These situations are never easy and clear-cut. At best, she must decide how much she is willing to take and develop a strategy for her future. Remember, if you are in a draining relationship, I encourage you to take a long, good look in the mirror and examine YOUR self-esteem.

YOU teach people how to treat you based on how you treat yourself. Whether it is verbally or nonverbally, we are the sole instructors for how others treat us. Remember, what you tolerate…you ALLOW. Finding a happy balance of advocacy for our happiness is an important first step to healthier self-esteem. When we do not speak up or when we refuse to set healthy boundaries, others will take advantage. Did you know that ALL human beings are opportunists? YES, we are! That is the downside of human nature. Maybe some are more predator-like than others, but the truth is, if we do not establish healthy boundaries in our relationships, even those who love us most will take advantage of us. We can only blame OURSELVES for how people treat us. Food for thought.

YOUR success is based on how much YOU believe in YOU. Do you know that entrepreneurs who believe in themselves have a higher success rate in their businesses than those who are insecure about their abilities? It’s great to have a support system that believes in you, but if you don’t believe in yourself then no one else will buy into your vision or dream. Again, bad-breaks or bad-luck is not the demise of your success…but, it is how much you believe or do not believe in YOU. If your skill-set or knowledge-base needs a makeover, pursue options for continued education or personal development. Self-esteem in developed through increased competence, academic nurturing, family support, social engagement, physical acceptance and how you feel about your accomplishments. Take time to consider your strengths in each of these areas and make a commitment to do something about it.

Self-esteem is an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY commodity.  The great thing about self-esteem is the SELF-component. Yes, exactly, to develop healthy self-esteem begins and ends with SELF. Regardless of your ethnicity, race, socioeconomic background or your failures in life, YOU still have the power to make a change. Personal development NEVER ends. We are continuously growing and developing regardless of our age. I have a 55-year-old client, who is still working to build healthy relationships with family members and coworkers. This doesn’t mean that the client is deficient in any way, it just means that we ALL have the opportunity to continue our pursuit of happiness and healthy relationships. Therapy has been the best way for this client to grow and embrace a healthier self-concept.

YOUR individual expectations can ONLY be fulfilled when you embrace a HEALTHY self-concept.  Most of us are disappointed when our expectations go unfulfilled. Remember, we cannot control others, but we can control ourselves. As simple and this concept is, many of us spend a lifetime attempting to force others to change and to do things that will make our lives happy. News Flash: ONLY YOU CAN FULFILL YOUR EXPECTATIONS! Now, of course, others can contribute to your happiness, but at the end of the day, YOU are at the helm of the ship. How you allow others to treat you, the decisions YOU make, and YOUR belief in yourself will determine how fulfilled and happy your life with be.

Final Thought: It takes 21-days to change a bad habit. It takes 90 days to make it stick. It takes a lifetime to create your own happiness and it begins with embracing a healthier self-concept.

 

Respectfully yours,

Jada Jackson, LMHC-3.png


Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

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JADA'S PERSONALS: GRIEF & BOBBI KRISTINA BROWN

The news of Bobbi Kristina’s accident was sudden and some might say shocking. As the daughter of 2 well known entertainers, Whitney Houston and Bobbi Brown, life for Bobbi wasn’t always easy. The pressure of the spotlight, the long drug history in the family, and the co-dependent relationship with her husband Nick Gordon, all played a role.

Was there anything anyone could have done to stop her? Were there any signs that lead up to this? We have the potential warning signs of someone at risk and the tips to help them get through it.

The potential warning signs of self-destruction or suicide:

  • Talking about feeling hopeless or have no reason to live.
  • Discusses feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
  • Feels like a burden to others.
  • Increase use of alcohol or drugs.
  • Behaves impulsively or reckless (acting abnormally anxious)
  • Change in sleep patterns
  • Displays extreme mood swings
  • Begin to give sentimental things away.

It’s important to not only know how to spot these warning signs, you need to know what to do once you have. These tips will give you a good grasp on what someone needs and what role you need to play if there are contemplating self-harm of any kind.

Open the conversation: A lot of times when someone is in a dark place or contemplating suicide, it’s difficult for him or her to seek help. If you notice a loved one’s behavior changing and becoming a concern, ask them what’s going on. It’s imperative you do it with compassion to avoid projecting feelings of shame or guilt onto the person.

Take action on potential danger. We can sometimes dismiss the cues leading up to a suicide because we don’t want to overreact, or we avoid sharing someone’s personal information so we don’t disrespect or offend him or her. But that is a mistake. Suicide is a dangerous and permanent decision a person cannot take back. If you know someone that is a potential threat to his or her self, tell someone. They will thank you later.

Try to understand their situation. One of the most common reasons a person commits suicide is because they feel alone and like a burden. So it’s crucial you try your best not to trivialize their situation and try to understand what they’re going through, even if you can’t relate to it.

Authors: Jada Jackson and Dani James (Intern)

Join the conversation. Leave your respectful and thoughtful comments below. Please share this conversation with others by clicking on the Share button below.

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Forgive and Set Boundaries--5 Steps to Protect Yourself

Forgive and Set Boundaries--5 Steps to Protect Yourself

“Forgiveness allows us to let go of the pain in the memory and if we let go of the pain in the memory we can have the memory but it does not control us. When memory controls us we are then the puppets of the past.” – Alexandra Asseily. I love this quote because it is so true in the process of forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you automatically forget everything that happened, it means you are making a conscious decision to let go of the pain and anger that is bringing you down, and learn for the memory.

Forgiving someone that has damaged your trust and security in the relationship, whether it is a fight with your siblings, other family members, or friends, the way you handle it is all the same. I recommend these 5 stages to help forgive and let go in difficult circumstances.

Give yourself permission. Wanting to forgive and actually embracing the processes of forgiveness are two very different concepts. Allowing yourself to do so is the first step in the process because it can sometimes be the hardest. Having to let go and allow yourself to be vulnerable in a situation you were once hurt can be scary. But it can build your confidence, courage, and self-esteem knowing you can get through some tough experiences EVEN IF the situation does repeat itself. It builds your confidence knowing that whatever life brings, you have the strength to overcome it. Holding on to resentment and anger won’t make the other person or the situation any better and it will only hurt you.

Be self-aware. Tune into your feelings and identify why you’re upset. Avoidance is never a good long-term approach because it will come out in the relationship in other destructive ways.

Consider the past and present. Look at the (offending) persons past behavior. If they have done this numerous times in the past, you will probably want to keep your guard a little closer until that pattern starts to disappear. But if this was a one time thing and their past behavior gives no real indication that it will happen again, then their prior years of consistent stability should stand for something.

Set a healthy baseline. Don’t be afraid to be honest when something is bothering you. The only way people will know which lines they can cross, is if you allow them to do so. Be assertive and confront the situation levelheaded but direct, and you will set a healthy baseline of your expectations.

Start small. When healing from a damaged relationship trying to go back and pretend that everything is normal is just avoiding the reality, which is only a short-term solution. Start small so you can build the confidence and trust back. Being self-aware is very important at this stage too, so you can determine the appropriate pace that works for you and discuss it.

Being angry and holding on to pain uses a lot of physical and emotional energy. Releasing yourself of that turmoil will allow you to having more energy that you can focus towards things that make you happy. Keeping that resentment with you is only forcing yourself to live the painful moment, every single day. Who is that really helping? Forgive and allow yourself to be happy.

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Danielle James, Intern

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Let Go of a Grudge! 4 Tips to get started Today

It's time to cover yet another challenge we all seem to battle: holding on to grudges. Now most grudges are constructed in order to help us cope with being wronged, but why do we tend to hold on to them longer than we'd like to? Before we cross that bridge, it's important to know why we hold on to grudges. Here are a few common reasons:

Protection. Sometimes we have an unconscious belief that holding onto resentment from a former problem will protect you from ever being taken advantage of in the future. But its actually counterproductive and prevents you from learning from experiences.

Revenge. People sometimes feel that if they let go of the anger or resentment too quickly that the other person is getting off too easily. But holding on to a grudge allows someone else's behavior and actions affect your happiness.

Fear. We fear that if we let go of what hurt us, it will only happen again. And if we forgive the person that hurt us they will only do it again.

Need closure. A lot of times it's hard for people to let go of events or situations because there’s no resolution to it. They may feel like they need an apology or answers in order to move on.

Even though most of us would never deliberately wish harm or bad fortune on another person, it’s sometimes difficult to loosen the grip we have on our negative thoughts. Negative energies, even just being in a bad mood, tend to exhibit through ones body language and tone of voice. This just goes to show that holding grudges isn't just toxic for the mind in which it resides in, but to those around you as well. Here's a few tips on how to get let go of grudges.

How to let go of Grudges?

Acknowledge what took place. Acknowledge your hurt feelings and the situation itself. Bringing the issues to light is very important if you want to truly let the situation go. Trying to “brush it under the rug” will only hurt you and prevent you from processing your emotions.

Step into his or her shoes. Looking at the situation from the other persons point of view may help you understand. Its important to view the situation from their perspective to see what their intentions were and try understand where they are coming from. Sometimes people who have grown up in a lot of pain and anger will exhibit those characteristics and it has nothing to do with you or your friendship.

Choose to commit to forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t really have to do with the other person as much as it has to do with you. Forgiving the other person means your just letting the past be the past and not carrying the ill feelings with you. It does not mean that you will allow what happened to repeat itself it just means you are willing to let it go for yourself. During this process say it aloud, either to yourself or to whoever involved because verbalizing it makes it an action and will make it “real” in your brain.

Move on. Once you have forgave the incident, don't dwell on it. Don't go back and think of what-if situations. Just allow the situation to be what it is and move forward. You can't change a situation by living in the past, focus your energy on building your future.

What would it be like to live in a world where we wished well upon everyone, even those who have done wrong to us? While some see it as perhaps science fiction, others see it as a movement that begins, and perpetuates, with each and every one of us. I, personally, am inclined to firmly believe in the latter, as a world filled with love and compassion seems like a much more appealing place to live than one ran by vengeance and greed. So let go of the vengeful malicious intent, abandon the negative thoughts and adopt a much healthier lifestyle and mindset.

Have faith. Stay focused. Remember to breath.

Emotional Mojo Talk Show RECAP:

Benefits of Letting Go of a Grudge

Healthier relationships
Stronger emotional wellbeing
Minimize anxiety and depression
Lower your blood pressure
Lower risk of addictive behaviors

How do we let go of Grudges?

ACKNOWLEDGE what took place. (be honest with yourself)

STEP into HIS or HER shoes. (can you see the other side?)

Choose to COMMIT to forgiveness (for yourself)

MOVE ON. (an intentional action)

One thing to do today: CHOOSE one person and see if you can put yourself in their shoes to embrace empathy.

 

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC, Danielle James and Ricardo Mogo (Interns)

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Forgiving Unfaithfulness and Betrayal--Tips to help let go

Forgiving Unfaithfulness and Betrayal--Tips to help let go

Many couples find themselves asking the unfortunate but common question, how do we survive my spouses affair.Most couples want to make the relationship work but dont know how to go about doing so, especially when major events happen that completely disrupt their connection. First things first, turning away from the marriage is never the answer, but if you find yourself in that position and want to change it, its important to understand why and how you got there.

In order to list all the reasons why people cheat, I would need to dedicate a whole other article to it and a good span of the afternoon. Its important to understand why this happens so as a couple you can make sure it doesn't happen again. It is a painful process but the only way to strengthen your relationship is to deal with the truth.

 High sex drive. These individuals have a hard time managing monogamy, and most often have that entitled personawhere they feel that they work hard and should be able to have the freedom to do what they want. Women can exhibit this trait, but its most often seen in men.

Sexually bored. This is contributes to both sexes, if the passion and spark are missing and there are no efforts to spice it back up, you or your partner may start to find yourself having desires that fall outside the relationship. If this is the case, work with your partner to see how you both can liven things up. No matter how long youve been in a relationship its never too late to add some excitement.

Revenge for partners infidelity. The majority of these instances happen out of spite when the first affair wasnt handled properly. If there is an affair during the relationship, one of the worst was to handle it in terms of saving your relationship, is getting even. It will just drive you further apart.

Self-abandonment. Oftentimes, this is a huge reason that motivates individuals to cheat. This leads to inner emptiness that results in a person seeking to be filled up externally. They use the outside achievements and material things to validate them. This could be having an affair with a hot, young girlfriend or boyfriend to rationalize to themselves that they are still young and attractive.

Emotional Connection. Some relationships can grow apart so much that the individuals in them can feel more like roommates than they do partners. Typically, affairs dont result in lasting relationships but if the reason they are is because they are receiving emotional gratification from someone else, this puts the relationship at a high-risk for failure. Feeling emotionally fulfilled with someone that is not your partner is the number one reason why cheaters usually leave the relationship for their affair. Generally, more women say that they cheated for an emotional connection.

After you discover why there was infidelity in the marriage, the next step is working together to start forgiving. This takes effort from both sides, even though it may seem like the one who had the affair should be responsible for fixing relationship, its actually not the case. Since there are two people in the relationship, it takes two people to fix it. 

Ask yourself, are they worth another chance? This means looking back at past behavior. Have they cheated in past relationships before? Have they cheated on you before? Was this a one time thing or an ongoing affair? The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.

Give each other some space. Most peoplesinitial feeling is to hold onto their partner even tighter and make sure they don't leave their sight. But holding on to the relationship even tighter actually shows an level acceptance of their behavior. By getting away you are proving a point that this not acceptable and helps your partner realize the consequences of his her actions

Find a time to meet. Establish that this is a meeting where questions need to be answered. There is one purpose for this meeting and that is to decide whether or not the relationship can be salvage and if both partners are willing to work at it. Honesty needs to be top focus no matter how painful it may be. You cant change whats not acknowledged.

Build a new relationship. Because the old relationship is damaged, it needs to be let go of. Its important to look at this as a new beginning of the two of you, which can be an exciting journey if you make it one. That doesn't mean the feelings of trust are automatically restored, but it means setting new expectations in place so it can be. Go on dates again and regain the spark that brought the relationship together. And be prepared to make some changes yourself and do your part in making sure your partner feels fulfilled.

Nothing is impossible in terms of the strength of a human relationship. There are 3 components that lead to a long lasting and happy connection: Commitment, Intimacy, and Passion and finding a balance of the three. Its like riding a tricycle, you need all three wheels to function properly in order to ride smoothly, if one wheel is missing or loose or there is too much weight on one side, it’ll be a struggle to ride it for long distances. The same goes for your relationship. If both people work to keep all 3 elements existing and balanced, it can survive through even the toughest terrain.

Emotional Mojo Talk Show RECAP: Additional Tips

Believe it or not, Attachment Styles will determine if we will be unfaithful. Here are the types of attachment styles:

Secure Attachment

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment 

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Remember: The attachment style we developed as children is based on our relationship with our parents or early caretaker.

Who’s most likely to be unfaithful? The “anxiously attached” person is more likely to “betray” in a relationship.

So, How can we forgive when we’ve been betrayed?

  Ask yourself, are they worth another chance (is it worth the investment)

 Give each other some space (take time to clear your head)

  Find a time to meet (acknowledge the pain, explore the facts, be honest)

  Build a new relationship (the old relationship must be a thing of the past)

One thing to do TODAY: COMMIT to making a choice to forgive and call your loved one today!

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Danielle James, Intern

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Forgive Yourself! | You are NOT Perfect

 

Forgive Yourself! | You are NOT Perfect

We are ALL human! We are NOT perfect! So, why is it that we can forgive others so easily, but when it comes to ourselves it seems, basically futile? I constantly tell others that forgiveness is a CHOICE and we have the power to choose whether we will or will not forgive. This concept is not rocket science and it is as simple as 1, 2, 3. So, what’s the problem?

During my amazing career as a runway model, I realized I learned a vicious pattern of behavior that proved destructive to myself.  As I started to pay attention to how I talked to myself, I realized I was not only brutal, but counter productive to the success pursued. When it came to making even the simplest of mistakes, I would tear myself apart. It was during that time of self-evaluation I realized it all starts with recognizing that NO ONE IS PERFECT; not even me. It’s the understanding that you are who are and you don’t have to be perfect, actually you’re not meant to be, was a hard pill to swallow for me. Then as I learned more about myself and started liking who I am, flaws and all, the impossibly high standards began to disappear. And a new standard arose, to just do my best and be the best ME I can be.

My experience of self-forgiveness sounds so simple when summed up in couple sentences, but there is a lot more to it than that, such as understanding WHY we have trouble forgiving ourselves. Some of the most common reasons are:

 Self-punishment. Some people believe they aren’t worthy of forgiveness. They will mentally replay painful moments and keep themselves trapped in that event because they believe they deserve it. It’s important to remember that making mistakes is an inevitable part of life, and you can either learn from it and grow, or run from it and allow it to prevent you from the success you deserve. You have the power of choice.

 “All or nothing” thinking. This is when people believe that if they don't complete something with absolute precision, it’s a waste of time. This black and white thinking pattern will cause you to function in concrete thinking that may ultimately rob you of your happiness, contentment and success. I encourage you to embrace a new perspective by exploring the opposite of what you think.

 Acceptance. A lot of people have a hard time accepting themselves and until we learn to love and accept ourselves for who we are, forgiveness can almost seem impossible. Accepting who you are is one of the primary foundations of happiness.

Identify. Identifying why you are having trouble forgiving yourself is an extremely important step in this process. The next step is to retrain your brain and embrace a different pattern of thinking. I recommend the following tips:

 Perspective. Put the situation in perspective. Try and think of the situation you’re working on forgiving yourself for, and now try and think of it from an objective point of view. Are you thinking about this problem rationally?

 Best friend method. Picture your best friend playing your role and making the same mistakes that you did. You’ll probably say things to them such as, “you did your best” and “it was just one mistake.” Now repeat those phrases back to yourself with full conviction. If you can commit and believe what you’re saying, a feeling of relief will overcome you.

 Believe. Believe that you are worth it. If you have a shattered and broken view of yourself, the thought     of forgiving yourself may even make you feel even more guilty. But in order to reclaim your life, it is an imperative first step. Forgiving yourself does not mean your disregarding and forgetting the event, actually quite the opposite, it means that you won’t allow that moment in your life to define you, and that you are a continually evolving person learning from your mistakes along the way. No matter how big or small they may be, taken a lesson from it and leave the rest behind.

Love. Learn to love yourself. Probably to best way to achieve self-forgiveness is to love yourself. Love your flaws and learn that they are what make you unique and you were given them for a reason. Embrace every part of yourself with love and compassion, and forgiveness will take over.

 

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EMOTIONAL MOJO SHOW QUICK RECAP:

Tips to forgive yourself:

Why can’t we forgive ourselves for being a PERFECTIONIST?

1)             Insecure

2)             Self-punishment, Self-hatred

3)             Distorted thought patterns

4)             Dysfunctional family-of-origin issues

Quick Quiz:

Do you feel like an imposter?

Are you terrified of failure?

Are you very successful and still very unhappy?

Are you overly anxious about your professional or personal performance?

Do you become angry when others joke or laugh with you?

If you answered YES to at least 3 of these questions, you may be a PERFECTIONIST and the first step to facing this problem is to FORGIVE YOURSELF!

 

How to forgive yourself:

 

1)             IDENTIFY why you must be perfect (look at the list)

2)            CONSIDER consequences of not forgiving (anger, resentment, fear, 

                sadness, self-hatred)

3)             UNDERSTAND that most perfectionism is rooted in poor self-concept

4)             EMBRACE your mistakes as perfection (YOU are human!)

One thing to do today: Admit to yourself and to an accountability partner that you are a perfectionist; and CHOOSE to laugh at your mistakes.

If you fully carry out these steps and allow yourself to realize you are worthy of forgiveness, the changes that take place can be unimaginable.

Let me know what you think!

 

Sincerely Be-You-Tiful,

Jada Jackson, LMHC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Talk Show Host of Emotional Mojo

Author of Be-You-Tiful: The Threefold Process to Becoming You

Blogger and Author of Jada Jackson: My Story, My Life

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My Domestic Violence Survivor Story | Emotional Mojo on WE Tv | Jada Jackson

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This week I crossed another emotional threshold…a huge step toward emotional freedom on Emotional Mojo!

It was a little over a year ago when I joined the Emotional Mojo Talk Show team and I had no idea the impact this decision would have on my life. As a therapist, I am accustomed to listening to the challenges of others and developing treatment plans to assist in the healing process. On the other hand, as a talk show host, I have the unique challenge of looking into our society’s hot topics and current events to understand the psychology behind the headlines and unusual behavior. What I did not anticipate was the distinct opportunity I would have to share my “personal” experiences, fears, beliefs and strategies. This was “terrifying” for me because as a therapist, I am trained to be non-biased and never project my personal beliefs or opinions onto my clients. So, when I met our Emotional Mojo producers (especially RC) for the first time they wanted to know about “ME!” However, I wasn’t quite ready to reveal the "real Jada” to the viewing audience because I couldn’t decide how to balance the “Therapist-Jada” and the “Talk Show Host-Jada.” It was certainly a complicated journey and even though I wrote a book about my challenges with domestic violence, I’ve never openly discussed my pain and personal life on national television. Well, that has changed and I’ve been triggered to open up.

The trigger for me to open up and share my domestic violence story again reignited during the Ray and Janay Rice elevator incident. When the second video was released and we saw the confrontation unfold “inside” of the elevator many were outraged. One of our producers sent out an email about Twitter’s trending #whyistayed. I clicked the link and was moved by most of the Tweets, but horrified by others. The hurtful ones were the scathing name-calling Tweets that suggested domestic violence victims are crazy and stupid for staying in a situation that was clearly dysfunctional. Well, maybe it was not stated in those exact words but you get the idea; so I was compelled to blog about it.  Then it hit me. One of the reasons I stopped talking about my challenges was because of people like that! The condemnation, the judgment, the ridicule and the insensitivity were too much for me to deal with; so, I began to silence my voice. After all, I’m a therapist and I should just get over it! However, the truth remains constantly in my mind and although the physical and some of the mental pains have subsided, the emotional scars continue to need attention (especially in intimate relationships).

If you did not get a chance to read my first article about the Ray Rice incident and domestic violence CLICK HERE.

ALSO, On Monday morning, tune in or set your DVRs to here our personal testimonies of domestic violence and how you can help.  If you or someone you know is facing a painful domestic violence situation, tune into WE Tv at 6am EST to watch our compelling stories on Emotional Mojo and contact a therapist to assist in your healing process.

Sincerely Be-You-Tiful,

 

Jada Jackson, LMHC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Talk Show Host of Emotional Mojo

Author of Be-You-Tiful: The Threefold Process to Becoming You

Blogger and Author of Jada Jackson: My Story, My Life

The Official Facebook Fan Page: Jada Jackson Life Coach

jadajackson.com

 

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