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3 Beauty Tips to Improve Your Mood: Get BRAIN-SMART!

3 Beauty Tips to Improve Your Mood: Get BRAIN-SMART!

If you look like a MESS, you will FEEL like a mess! With the hustle and bustle of today's pop culture, it seems harder and harder to keep up with beauty and fashion trends. This article is designed to give you three simple tips to LOOK better and improve your MOOD at the same time.

I spent ten years as a fashion and print model; and I've walked over 2,000 runways! Now, I want to take the time to combine my "beauty-knowledge" with my "brain-power."

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Remember, the definition of MOOD is a "temporary state of mind." That means that your mood may change from day to day or from month to month. One of the most important skills that I teach my clients is the technique of "managing emotions" from hour to hour throughout the day. Maintaining emotional stability throughout the day will give you greater focus, improve relationships and help you make more effective decisions. Additionally, you can also manage your emotions by choosing to LOOK better. Yes! That's right! Regardless of your age, profession or physical attributes, you can FEEL better about yourself TODAY when you embrace these three simple beauty tips:

1. GROOMING

2. ACCESSORIZING

3. PAMPERING

Let's get started!

GROOMING is the first step to a more "manicured" appearance. Do you ever wonder why some women look flawless even when casually hanging out or shopping? Oftentimes it's because they pay attention to details! Your eye brows, nails (fingers and toes), and hair must be maintained at all times! For me, I believe the brows are the most important aspect of the face. I spend a great deal of time making sure that my brows are groomed perfectly. This is my most important tip! If you want, you can stop reading here because if you focus on your eye brows only, you will begin to look and feel better!

Remember, it is so important to keep your brows waxed, plucked and manicured at all times. Even if you do not wear makeup…KEEP YOUR EYE-BROWS FLAWLESS!!! The video below will help you get started if you are a beginner, and give you some additional tips if you are already a brow-pro!

 

Also, when it come to grooming, it is necessary to keep your finger and toe nails manicured. You do not have to wear colored polish or acrylics to look groomed and flawless; but, you must pay attention to detail. If you wear your nails short, keep them filed and clean; and always keep hand lotion with you. There is nothing worse than shaking hands with someone that has rough, dry hands.

Another grooming must is to keep your hair NEAT! No matter what hairstyle you choose, make sure that it compliments your face and it looks neat. You always can tell a well-put-together person by how they maintain their hair.

If you make intentional upgrades in these grooming areas, you will certainly begin to feel better about yourself.

 

ACCESSORIZING is the second step to a more “put-together” YOU! Remember, accessories are the glue that holds an outfit together. Whether you are headed to the office or walking around the park, pay close attention to your accessories…and don’t forget that less is more. A simple pair of sunglasses, a simple bracelet, or earring can add just the right touch to make a statement and upgrade your mood. Look better...feel better! The video below is simple and to the point. There are some great tips to get you started. You may agree or disagree with some of the options, however, take a a risk and be creative!

Final tip...

PAMPERING is the third beauty step to boost your mood! Life is crazy, the kids are busy with activities, work is demanding and everyone needs YOU! Well, tell them to WAIT! Take an hour and a half to PAMPER you! Applying a little love and care to your chaotic world will not only boost your mood, but you will begin to feel better about yourself. Remember, you do not have to spend a lot of time on pampering...again, less is more!

Here are a few Ideas for pampering yourself...keep an open mind and be willing to be CREATIVE! Click the button below.

 

 

Respectfully yours,

Jada Jackson, LMHC-3.png


Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

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Understanding Self-Esteem and the Brain | 4-Tips to Help

We all have those days when we feel like we just can’t rise to the challenge, or when we may feel that we aren’t good enough. It’s normal to feel down on ourselves sometimes. But why is that? This matter of mental health has to do with self-esteem. Self-esteem is defined as “confidence in one’s abilities or worth.” There are various ways self-esteem can be impacted, and several things one can do to maintain a positive self-image.

To better understand this important aspect of life,  self-esteem must be examined from a neurological perspective.

A recent Dartmouth study reveals a possible source of self-esteem within the brain. It appears that internal locus of control—how much control over our lives we believe we have, which is directly correlated with self-esteem—is related to how well regions of the brain connect. This finding could help with future treatments for depression and anxiety disorders. The study found that people with stronger white matter connection from their medial prefrontal cortex (responsible for self-knowledge) to their ventral striatum (involved in reward sensation) showed high long-term self-esteem.

Understanding how the brain works in regards to this topic will help improve self-esteem when necessary. The way you think about yourself is developed in the same type of process as learning how to ride a bike. The more practice with the bike, the stronger rider you are. Eventually you can ride without thinking about it. A strong pathway in the brain has been created. When we are children, our thoughts about ourselves are created by the messages from those who we believe are important, such as family members, schoolmates, and friends. For example, if you were constantly picked on in school, this most likely led to the formation of low self-esteem and a negative self-image. Now as an adult, your thoughts repeatedly revert back to the messages engrained in your mind. If you went to a party, your self-esteem and pattern of negative thinking could kick in and lead to social anxiety and the belief that no one likes you; the reality is that the others at the party have not even met you yet! The default to pessimism is a dominant thought pattern. It is automatic, just like riding a bike after lots of practice. Circumstances trigger thoughts that, even unconsciously, cause the reactions— based on your established self-esteem. The good news is that these thought processes can be changed and self-esteem can certainly be improved! Here a few solutions to promoting a healthier self-image, based on cognitive behavioral therapy.

·      Be aware of what you are thinking and feeling.

Once you are aware, you can practice new, positive, thought/behavior patterns.

·      Identify difficult situations that may decrease your self-esteem ahead of time.

Anticipate the negative and inaccurate thinking and challenge initial thoughts that revert back to a negative concept of yourself.

·      Focus on the positive!

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Remind yourself of all the good things about your life, all the things that have gone your way in the past week, and the skills and talents you have. You truly are more amazing than you may realize.

·      Re-label thoughts that upset you.

Instead of jumping to the conclusion that you must react negatively and beat yourself up, step back and ask yourself, “What can I do to make this situation less stressful on myself?”

Self-esteem is a product of unconscious and unconscious processes that occur within the brain. It is a common problem among all people to develop a negative self-view, or sometimes underestimate one’s own self worth. However, there is no need to feel stuck in a negative mindset. Adhering to a few simple changes and recognizing your thought pattern can make a world of difference. So, before you automatically think negatively about yourself or a situation, take a deep breath, step back, and realize that these feelings are not facts.

Respectfully yours,

Jada Jackson, LMHC-3.png


Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

Author: Emily Simpson (Intern)

References:

http://www.self-esteem-experts.com/how-the-brain-works.html

http://www.dartmouth.edu/~opa/statements/brainselfesteem061614.html

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374



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UPENN Suicide

The death of Madison Holleran in January 2014 made national news at the time, and has recently resurfaced in a big way. Her suicide made waves, and it stands out for important reasons. It brings to surface the significance of mental health and the potentially detrimental effects unnoticed or unattended cries of help, or state of well being, can have. It also sheds light on the fact that college can be a breeding ground for depression, anxiety and other serious mental health problems that often go ignored. Many see one’s moodiness or unhappiness when first in college as adjusting or having a hard time making friends. Though often that is the case, the University of Pennsylvania tragedy shows that for some, mental declines are more than just stress, getting used to a new atmosphere, and a big change in life. Madison’s sadness and feelings of depression may have stemmed from her grades or feeling that she wasn’t meeting self-set expectations, but it is clear to me that an underlying mental health condition was at play.  

She was an Ivy League track star, seemingly happy and presenting a front of having everything together. A popular athlete can’t get depressed or have a mental illness, one may say. After the tragedy, everyone was shocked because by all appearances—on social media—Madison seemed too happy and “perfect” to be afflicted. The masking of social media unintentionally contributes to cases of depression and suicides, gone unaddressed before it’s too late. I think there are important lessons to take away from this tragic situation.

·      Don’t assume that because someone’s social media accounts appear to portray him/her as perfectly okay, that everything really is okay—it is easy to hide one’s true feelings or state of mind in that way.  

·      If someone asks for help, a courageous and hard thing to do when feeling depressed or coping with a mental health problem, do not make light of it or push the situation to the side expecting it to go away.

·      Push for the wellbeing of the person struggling; they are probably in a state of mind of not being concerned, or unable to care about their own health. Get them into treatment! If you see signs of serious issues, be persistent in getting the individual to a physician and/or therapy.

·      Assure your loved one that it’s okay to be sick. It is not their fault, a weakness, or a sign of imperfection. It is okay to have a health problem and get help. In Madison’s case, her depression and mental health crisis felt like a burden to her, and she saw it as a burden for her family. She did not want to cause her loved ones any inconvenience with the things she was going through. So she took matters into her own hands, in the only way that she felt she could.

Madison’s father James said, “We knew she needed help. She knew she needed help.” Depression overcame Madison, and its severity came as a shock to her family, who cared deeply and did all they knew how to do to help her. Sadly, no one could see or predict the strength of the monster she was fighting. Madison’s story is unfortunately not unique; too many other cases happen nearly every day of college students—people in general— succumbing to depression or mental illness and taking their own life. As I am sure Madison would want, her story can be an example to others struggling with depression, a glimmer of the harsh reality that mental illness can bring, and a warning— which families of one in such a situation should take to heart.

 

Author: Emily Simpson (Intern)

 

References:

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2542641/UPenn-shocked-freshman-track-star-Madison-Holleran-19-jumps-death.html

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5 Things Every Woman Should Know About Self-Esteem

1)            You marry and engage in relationships at the level of YOUR self-esteem.

2)            YOU teach people how to treat you based on how you treat yourself.

3)            YOUR success is based on how much YOU believe in YOU.

4)            Self-esteem is an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY commodity.

5)            YOUR individual expectations can ONLY be fulfilled when you embrace a   HEALTH self-concept.

You marry and engage in relationships at the level of YOUR self-esteem.  If you are unhappy in your marriage or your relationship, it is probably because you are disappointed that your partner is unsatisfactory. I am working with a client that is very angry that she is married to a man that didn’t tell her the truth about his financial struggles. She is now paying the bills to provide for the household and she has taken on the complete role of provider. Well, what should she do in a situation like this? Should she leave? Should she shame him into doing better financially? These situations are never easy and clear-cut. At best, she must decide how much she is willing to take and develop a strategy for her future. Remember, if you are in a draining relationship, I encourage you to take a long, good look in the mirror and examine YOUR self-esteem.

YOU teach people how to treat you based on how you treat yourself. Whether it is verbally or nonverbally, we are the sole instructors for how others treat us. Remember, what you tolerate…you ALLOW. Finding a happy balance of advocacy for our happiness is an important first step to healthier self-esteem. When we do not speak up or when we refuse to set healthy boundaries, others will take advantage. Did you know that ALL human beings are opportunists? YES, we are! That is the downside of human nature. Maybe some are more predator-like than others, but the truth is, if we do not establish healthy boundaries in our relationships, even those who love us most will take advantage of us. We can only blame OURSELVES for how people treat us. Food for thought.

YOUR success is based on how much YOU believe in YOU. Do you know that entrepreneurs who believe in themselves have a higher success rate in their businesses than those who are insecure about their abilities? It’s great to have a support system that believes in you, but if you don’t believe in yourself then no one else will buy into your vision or dream. Again, bad-breaks or bad-luck is not the demise of your success…but, it is how much you believe or do not believe in YOU. If your skill-set or knowledge-base needs a makeover, pursue options for continued education or personal development. Self-esteem in developed through increased competence, academic nurturing, family support, social engagement, physical acceptance and how you feel about your accomplishments. Take time to consider your strengths in each of these areas and make a commitment to do something about it.

Self-esteem is an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY commodity.  The great thing about self-esteem is the SELF-component. Yes, exactly, to develop healthy self-esteem begins and ends with SELF. Regardless of your ethnicity, race, socioeconomic background or your failures in life, YOU still have the power to make a change. Personal development NEVER ends. We are continuously growing and developing regardless of our age. I have a 55-year-old client, who is still working to build healthy relationships with family members and coworkers. This doesn’t mean that the client is deficient in any way, it just means that we ALL have the opportunity to continue our pursuit of happiness and healthy relationships. Therapy has been the best way for this client to grow and embrace a healthier self-concept.

YOUR individual expectations can ONLY be fulfilled when you embrace a HEALTHY self-concept.  Most of us are disappointed when our expectations go unfulfilled. Remember, we cannot control others, but we can control ourselves. As simple and this concept is, many of us spend a lifetime attempting to force others to change and to do things that will make our lives happy. News Flash: ONLY YOU CAN FULFILL YOUR EXPECTATIONS! Now, of course, others can contribute to your happiness, but at the end of the day, YOU are at the helm of the ship. How you allow others to treat you, the decisions YOU make, and YOUR belief in yourself will determine how fulfilled and happy your life with be.

Final Thought: It takes 21-days to change a bad habit. It takes 90 days to make it stick. It takes a lifetime to create your own happiness and it begins with embracing a healthier self-concept.

 

Respectfully yours,

Jada Jackson, LMHC-3.png


Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

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JADA'S PERSONALS: GRIEF & BOBBI KRISTINA BROWN

The news of Bobbi Kristina’s accident was sudden and some might say shocking. As the daughter of 2 well known entertainers, Whitney Houston and Bobbi Brown, life for Bobbi wasn’t always easy. The pressure of the spotlight, the long drug history in the family, and the co-dependent relationship with her husband Nick Gordon, all played a role.

Was there anything anyone could have done to stop her? Were there any signs that lead up to this? We have the potential warning signs of someone at risk and the tips to help them get through it.

The potential warning signs of self-destruction or suicide:

  • Talking about feeling hopeless or have no reason to live.
  • Discusses feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
  • Feels like a burden to others.
  • Increase use of alcohol or drugs.
  • Behaves impulsively or reckless (acting abnormally anxious)
  • Change in sleep patterns
  • Displays extreme mood swings
  • Begin to give sentimental things away.

It’s important to not only know how to spot these warning signs, you need to know what to do once you have. These tips will give you a good grasp on what someone needs and what role you need to play if there are contemplating self-harm of any kind.

Open the conversation: A lot of times when someone is in a dark place or contemplating suicide, it’s difficult for him or her to seek help. If you notice a loved one’s behavior changing and becoming a concern, ask them what’s going on. It’s imperative you do it with compassion to avoid projecting feelings of shame or guilt onto the person.

Take action on potential danger. We can sometimes dismiss the cues leading up to a suicide because we don’t want to overreact, or we avoid sharing someone’s personal information so we don’t disrespect or offend him or her. But that is a mistake. Suicide is a dangerous and permanent decision a person cannot take back. If you know someone that is a potential threat to his or her self, tell someone. They will thank you later.

Try to understand their situation. One of the most common reasons a person commits suicide is because they feel alone and like a burden. So it’s crucial you try your best not to trivialize their situation and try to understand what they’re going through, even if you can’t relate to it.

Authors: Jada Jackson and Dani James (Intern)

Join the conversation. Leave your respectful and thoughtful comments below. Please share this conversation with others by clicking on the Share button below.

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Tips For Parents: Understanding Parenting Styles

Here are some common conflicts most, if not all, parents face:

Common conflicts for parents:
-Disruptive children (making a scene it public)
-Communication (not knowing what children are doing)
-Demanding your attention
-Messy children (won’t clean up after themselves)
-Picky eating (getting them to eat healthy foods)

Co-Parenting after Separation Conflicts:
-Resentment from previous relationship (disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing)
-Difficult time communicating
-Disagreements with discipline
-Time with children (having to split)

Blended Family Conflicts:
-Children not accepting new family (can cause tension in relationship)
-Confusion for kids (identity confusion)
-Can create rivalry between new and old siblings.
- Competing for attention

While assessing the conflicts we each endure, in order to best assist the consummation of this metaphorical bridge, we must first identify what type of parenting style we fall into:

Authoritarian Parenting: Parents set strict rules that have to be followed, failure to do so will result in harsh punishment. These parents typically have high demands, but don’t tune into their children. This style is generally obedience and status based and expects their order to be obeyed without explanation. Referred to as the “because I said so” parents.  

 Impact on child:
  -Tend to associate obedience and success with love.
  -May display more aggressive behavior outside home.
  -May act fearful or overly shy around others.
  -Have difficulty in social situations.
  -Often have lower self-esteem.

 
Authoritative Parenting:
Like Authoritarian, these parents establish rules that their children are expected to follow. But with this style parents are more responsive to their children and are open to listening to questions from them. When children make mistakes these parents are more nurturing and forgiving. They monitor and impact clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive or restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self regulated as well as cooperative.

 Impact on child:
  -Have good emotional control and regulation
  -Tend to have happier dispositions
  -Develop good social skills
  -Are self-confident about their abilities to learn new skills.

 
Permissive Parenting:
Permissive parents are generally known for rarely disciplining their children due to their expectations in the maturity and control of the child. They are more responsive then they are demanding, they do not require mature behavior and avoid confrontation. This often leads to being more of a friend then a parent.

 Impacts on child:
  -Lack self-discipline.
  - Sometimes have poor social skills.
  -May be self-involved and demanding.
  -May feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance.

Uninvolved Parenting: An uninvolved parent has few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. These parents fulfill the child’s basic needs, like food and shelter, but then are generally detached from their child’s life. They are typically emotionally distant from their children, offer little or no supervision, show little warmth, love and affection towards their children, don’t attend school events and parent-teacher conferences, and are often overwhelmed by their own problems.

 Impact on child:
  -Must learn to provide for themselves.
  -Fear becoming dependent on other people.
  -Are often emotionally withdrawn.
  -Tend to exhibit more delinquency during adolescence.
  -Feel fear, anxiety or stress due to the lack of family support.
  -Have an increased risk of substance abuse.
 
It's often the case, that as adults we belittle and minimize the personality of kids, deeming them and their opinions trivial and unimportant and while although some kids say the darnest things, unconditional support and love, go a very, very long way. Next, are some tips an hour to better bridge the generation gap. But before we move on, it's important to keep in mind two points I've mentioned previously: having a sincere and open line of communication and finding a unique bond with every child.

Tips to help resolve parenting conflict:

Know kids will make mistakes. It’s a guarantee. No one is perfect and accepting mistakes are a learning process makes it so much easier to roll with the punches. As children develop they test boundaries, it’s a part of their nature. Instead of getting angry or avoiding it, confront the situation from a compassionate and guided perspective and the children will respond.

Be open to communication. You want your children to feel like they can come to you when they do make a mistake, instead of not telling you and the problem potentially getting worse.

Support the others discipline. If your children observe disagreements on how to discipline the situation, it makes the immediately disrespect. If there are disagreements take the issue aside and try to find a discipline that can work for both parents and that both are willing to continuously carry out.

Provide a constant form of consistency. In order for a child to positively grow, they need a solid stable form to start from. Whatever changes being made or stage they are going through in life, there needs to be a consistent source of love and support. You don’t have to love and support some of the behavior, but you have to consistently love and support the child.

Find a unique bond with each child. It’s important as the parent or stepparent, you create a unique bond with each child. Having a special connection helps them find their individuality and create an attachment. Its important to make each child feel just as important as the other.

Use mistakes as teaching tools. When kids inevitably do make mistakes, its important to use that time as a teaching moment and show the child the mistakes behind made so they can better recognize how to solve it next time. Simply solving the problem yourself, avoiding it, or getting angry with them wont help them grow. Kids that are taught to use mistakes as lessons were shown to adjust to change more successfully.

I sincerely hope these tips have benefitted you, the reader, and have provided some insight on how to curb one's own desires and habits. Kids are our future and, as stated earlier, although sometimes they can be a handful and overwhelming, how we treat them today, shapes the people they become,and consequently the world we live in, tomorrow.

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC, Dani James and Ricardo Mojo (Interns)

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Forgive and Set Boundaries--5 Steps to Protect Yourself

Forgive and Set Boundaries--5 Steps to Protect Yourself

“Forgiveness allows us to let go of the pain in the memory and if we let go of the pain in the memory we can have the memory but it does not control us. When memory controls us we are then the puppets of the past.” – Alexandra Asseily. I love this quote because it is so true in the process of forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you automatically forget everything that happened, it means you are making a conscious decision to let go of the pain and anger that is bringing you down, and learn for the memory.

Forgiving someone that has damaged your trust and security in the relationship, whether it is a fight with your siblings, other family members, or friends, the way you handle it is all the same. I recommend these 5 stages to help forgive and let go in difficult circumstances.

Give yourself permission. Wanting to forgive and actually embracing the processes of forgiveness are two very different concepts. Allowing yourself to do so is the first step in the process because it can sometimes be the hardest. Having to let go and allow yourself to be vulnerable in a situation you were once hurt can be scary. But it can build your confidence, courage, and self-esteem knowing you can get through some tough experiences EVEN IF the situation does repeat itself. It builds your confidence knowing that whatever life brings, you have the strength to overcome it. Holding on to resentment and anger won’t make the other person or the situation any better and it will only hurt you.

Be self-aware. Tune into your feelings and identify why you’re upset. Avoidance is never a good long-term approach because it will come out in the relationship in other destructive ways.

Consider the past and present. Look at the (offending) persons past behavior. If they have done this numerous times in the past, you will probably want to keep your guard a little closer until that pattern starts to disappear. But if this was a one time thing and their past behavior gives no real indication that it will happen again, then their prior years of consistent stability should stand for something.

Set a healthy baseline. Don’t be afraid to be honest when something is bothering you. The only way people will know which lines they can cross, is if you allow them to do so. Be assertive and confront the situation levelheaded but direct, and you will set a healthy baseline of your expectations.

Start small. When healing from a damaged relationship trying to go back and pretend that everything is normal is just avoiding the reality, which is only a short-term solution. Start small so you can build the confidence and trust back. Being self-aware is very important at this stage too, so you can determine the appropriate pace that works for you and discuss it.

Being angry and holding on to pain uses a lot of physical and emotional energy. Releasing yourself of that turmoil will allow you to having more energy that you can focus towards things that make you happy. Keeping that resentment with you is only forcing yourself to live the painful moment, every single day. Who is that really helping? Forgive and allow yourself to be happy.

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Danielle James, Intern

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Let Go of a Grudge! 4 Tips to get started Today

It's time to cover yet another challenge we all seem to battle: holding on to grudges. Now most grudges are constructed in order to help us cope with being wronged, but why do we tend to hold on to them longer than we'd like to? Before we cross that bridge, it's important to know why we hold on to grudges. Here are a few common reasons:

Protection. Sometimes we have an unconscious belief that holding onto resentment from a former problem will protect you from ever being taken advantage of in the future. But its actually counterproductive and prevents you from learning from experiences.

Revenge. People sometimes feel that if they let go of the anger or resentment too quickly that the other person is getting off too easily. But holding on to a grudge allows someone else's behavior and actions affect your happiness.

Fear. We fear that if we let go of what hurt us, it will only happen again. And if we forgive the person that hurt us they will only do it again.

Need closure. A lot of times it's hard for people to let go of events or situations because there’s no resolution to it. They may feel like they need an apology or answers in order to move on.

Even though most of us would never deliberately wish harm or bad fortune on another person, it’s sometimes difficult to loosen the grip we have on our negative thoughts. Negative energies, even just being in a bad mood, tend to exhibit through ones body language and tone of voice. This just goes to show that holding grudges isn't just toxic for the mind in which it resides in, but to those around you as well. Here's a few tips on how to get let go of grudges.

How to let go of Grudges?

Acknowledge what took place. Acknowledge your hurt feelings and the situation itself. Bringing the issues to light is very important if you want to truly let the situation go. Trying to “brush it under the rug” will only hurt you and prevent you from processing your emotions.

Step into his or her shoes. Looking at the situation from the other persons point of view may help you understand. Its important to view the situation from their perspective to see what their intentions were and try understand where they are coming from. Sometimes people who have grown up in a lot of pain and anger will exhibit those characteristics and it has nothing to do with you or your friendship.

Choose to commit to forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t really have to do with the other person as much as it has to do with you. Forgiving the other person means your just letting the past be the past and not carrying the ill feelings with you. It does not mean that you will allow what happened to repeat itself it just means you are willing to let it go for yourself. During this process say it aloud, either to yourself or to whoever involved because verbalizing it makes it an action and will make it “real” in your brain.

Move on. Once you have forgave the incident, don't dwell on it. Don't go back and think of what-if situations. Just allow the situation to be what it is and move forward. You can't change a situation by living in the past, focus your energy on building your future.

What would it be like to live in a world where we wished well upon everyone, even those who have done wrong to us? While some see it as perhaps science fiction, others see it as a movement that begins, and perpetuates, with each and every one of us. I, personally, am inclined to firmly believe in the latter, as a world filled with love and compassion seems like a much more appealing place to live than one ran by vengeance and greed. So let go of the vengeful malicious intent, abandon the negative thoughts and adopt a much healthier lifestyle and mindset.

Have faith. Stay focused. Remember to breath.

Emotional Mojo Talk Show RECAP:

Benefits of Letting Go of a Grudge

Healthier relationships
Stronger emotional wellbeing
Minimize anxiety and depression
Lower your blood pressure
Lower risk of addictive behaviors

How do we let go of Grudges?

ACKNOWLEDGE what took place. (be honest with yourself)

STEP into HIS or HER shoes. (can you see the other side?)

Choose to COMMIT to forgiveness (for yourself)

MOVE ON. (an intentional action)

One thing to do today: CHOOSE one person and see if you can put yourself in their shoes to embrace empathy.

 

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC, Danielle James and Ricardo Mogo (Interns)

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Forgiving Unfaithfulness and Betrayal--Tips to help let go

Forgiving Unfaithfulness and Betrayal--Tips to help let go

Many couples find themselves asking the unfortunate but common question, how do we survive my spouses affair.Most couples want to make the relationship work but dont know how to go about doing so, especially when major events happen that completely disrupt their connection. First things first, turning away from the marriage is never the answer, but if you find yourself in that position and want to change it, its important to understand why and how you got there.

In order to list all the reasons why people cheat, I would need to dedicate a whole other article to it and a good span of the afternoon. Its important to understand why this happens so as a couple you can make sure it doesn't happen again. It is a painful process but the only way to strengthen your relationship is to deal with the truth.

 High sex drive. These individuals have a hard time managing monogamy, and most often have that entitled personawhere they feel that they work hard and should be able to have the freedom to do what they want. Women can exhibit this trait, but its most often seen in men.

Sexually bored. This is contributes to both sexes, if the passion and spark are missing and there are no efforts to spice it back up, you or your partner may start to find yourself having desires that fall outside the relationship. If this is the case, work with your partner to see how you both can liven things up. No matter how long youve been in a relationship its never too late to add some excitement.

Revenge for partners infidelity. The majority of these instances happen out of spite when the first affair wasnt handled properly. If there is an affair during the relationship, one of the worst was to handle it in terms of saving your relationship, is getting even. It will just drive you further apart.

Self-abandonment. Oftentimes, this is a huge reason that motivates individuals to cheat. This leads to inner emptiness that results in a person seeking to be filled up externally. They use the outside achievements and material things to validate them. This could be having an affair with a hot, young girlfriend or boyfriend to rationalize to themselves that they are still young and attractive.

Emotional Connection. Some relationships can grow apart so much that the individuals in them can feel more like roommates than they do partners. Typically, affairs dont result in lasting relationships but if the reason they are is because they are receiving emotional gratification from someone else, this puts the relationship at a high-risk for failure. Feeling emotionally fulfilled with someone that is not your partner is the number one reason why cheaters usually leave the relationship for their affair. Generally, more women say that they cheated for an emotional connection.

After you discover why there was infidelity in the marriage, the next step is working together to start forgiving. This takes effort from both sides, even though it may seem like the one who had the affair should be responsible for fixing relationship, its actually not the case. Since there are two people in the relationship, it takes two people to fix it. 

Ask yourself, are they worth another chance? This means looking back at past behavior. Have they cheated in past relationships before? Have they cheated on you before? Was this a one time thing or an ongoing affair? The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.

Give each other some space. Most peoplesinitial feeling is to hold onto their partner even tighter and make sure they don't leave their sight. But holding on to the relationship even tighter actually shows an level acceptance of their behavior. By getting away you are proving a point that this not acceptable and helps your partner realize the consequences of his her actions

Find a time to meet. Establish that this is a meeting where questions need to be answered. There is one purpose for this meeting and that is to decide whether or not the relationship can be salvage and if both partners are willing to work at it. Honesty needs to be top focus no matter how painful it may be. You cant change whats not acknowledged.

Build a new relationship. Because the old relationship is damaged, it needs to be let go of. Its important to look at this as a new beginning of the two of you, which can be an exciting journey if you make it one. That doesn't mean the feelings of trust are automatically restored, but it means setting new expectations in place so it can be. Go on dates again and regain the spark that brought the relationship together. And be prepared to make some changes yourself and do your part in making sure your partner feels fulfilled.

Nothing is impossible in terms of the strength of a human relationship. There are 3 components that lead to a long lasting and happy connection: Commitment, Intimacy, and Passion and finding a balance of the three. Its like riding a tricycle, you need all three wheels to function properly in order to ride smoothly, if one wheel is missing or loose or there is too much weight on one side, it’ll be a struggle to ride it for long distances. The same goes for your relationship. If both people work to keep all 3 elements existing and balanced, it can survive through even the toughest terrain.

Emotional Mojo Talk Show RECAP: Additional Tips

Believe it or not, Attachment Styles will determine if we will be unfaithful. Here are the types of attachment styles:

Secure Attachment

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment 

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Remember: The attachment style we developed as children is based on our relationship with our parents or early caretaker.

Who’s most likely to be unfaithful? The “anxiously attached” person is more likely to “betray” in a relationship.

So, How can we forgive when we’ve been betrayed?

  Ask yourself, are they worth another chance (is it worth the investment)

 Give each other some space (take time to clear your head)

  Find a time to meet (acknowledge the pain, explore the facts, be honest)

  Build a new relationship (the old relationship must be a thing of the past)

One thing to do TODAY: COMMIT to making a choice to forgive and call your loved one today!

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Danielle James, Intern

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Better SEX! | Tips for EXPLORING Erogenous Zones

Tips for Having Better SEX with your spouse:

If we could buy love, we would probably do it! Unfortunately, we’ve heard it for decades, “Can’t buy me love!” Celebrities have proven that the purchase of love is virtually impossible; and everyday people like us have had our share of relationship catastrophes as well! But do not fret, the purchase of love is not needed when you have “Better SEX” tips to add a spark to your sex life.

We are all very different; and with different backgrounds, spiritual beliefs and experiences, it’s often difficult to find the right connection or combination to unlock passion during intimacy. It may take a few years to find the right fit for better sex, however, I want to take a moment to address ONE piece of the great puzzle of intimacy: EROGENOUS ZONES.

Erogenous zones are parts of the body that have a concentration of sensory nerve endings that cause sexual arousal. Do you know your most sensitive erogenous zones? Better yet, do you know your spouses most sensitive zones?

 

There are 3 levels of Erogenous Zones:

Level THREE: Skin and nerve endings (touching, caressing, massaging, NO SPECIAL TRAINING NEEDED FOR THIS)

Level TWO:   Foreplay areas. Back of knees, inner thighs, chest area, abdomen, neck, legs, mouth, tongue 

Level ONE: Genital areas (direct stimulation…go here last!) 

 

Tips for Better Sex:

1)            STUDY the male and female erogenous zones

2)            EXPLORE your spouse’s erogenous zones (become a student)

3)            PRACTICE locating your partner’s most stimulating zones

4)            REPEAT

 

One thing to do today: Choose one evening this week and commit to EXPLORE your spouse’s erogenous zones. 

 

Jada Jackson, M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Talk Show Host of Emotional Mojo

Author of Be-You-Tiful: The Threefold Process to Becoming You

Blogger and Author of Jada Jackson: My Story, My Life

jadajackson.com

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My Domestic Violence Survivor Story | Emotional Mojo on WE Tv | Jada Jackson

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This week I crossed another emotional threshold…a huge step toward emotional freedom on Emotional Mojo!

It was a little over a year ago when I joined the Emotional Mojo Talk Show team and I had no idea the impact this decision would have on my life. As a therapist, I am accustomed to listening to the challenges of others and developing treatment plans to assist in the healing process. On the other hand, as a talk show host, I have the unique challenge of looking into our society’s hot topics and current events to understand the psychology behind the headlines and unusual behavior. What I did not anticipate was the distinct opportunity I would have to share my “personal” experiences, fears, beliefs and strategies. This was “terrifying” for me because as a therapist, I am trained to be non-biased and never project my personal beliefs or opinions onto my clients. So, when I met our Emotional Mojo producers (especially RC) for the first time they wanted to know about “ME!” However, I wasn’t quite ready to reveal the "real Jada” to the viewing audience because I couldn’t decide how to balance the “Therapist-Jada” and the “Talk Show Host-Jada.” It was certainly a complicated journey and even though I wrote a book about my challenges with domestic violence, I’ve never openly discussed my pain and personal life on national television. Well, that has changed and I’ve been triggered to open up.

The trigger for me to open up and share my domestic violence story again reignited during the Ray and Janay Rice elevator incident. When the second video was released and we saw the confrontation unfold “inside” of the elevator many were outraged. One of our producers sent out an email about Twitter’s trending #whyistayed. I clicked the link and was moved by most of the Tweets, but horrified by others. The hurtful ones were the scathing name-calling Tweets that suggested domestic violence victims are crazy and stupid for staying in a situation that was clearly dysfunctional. Well, maybe it was not stated in those exact words but you get the idea; so I was compelled to blog about it.  Then it hit me. One of the reasons I stopped talking about my challenges was because of people like that! The condemnation, the judgment, the ridicule and the insensitivity were too much for me to deal with; so, I began to silence my voice. After all, I’m a therapist and I should just get over it! However, the truth remains constantly in my mind and although the physical and some of the mental pains have subsided, the emotional scars continue to need attention (especially in intimate relationships).

If you did not get a chance to read my first article about the Ray Rice incident and domestic violence CLICK HERE.

ALSO, On Monday morning, tune in or set your DVRs to here our personal testimonies of domestic violence and how you can help.  If you or someone you know is facing a painful domestic violence situation, tune into WE Tv at 6am EST to watch our compelling stories on Emotional Mojo and contact a therapist to assist in your healing process.

Sincerely Be-You-Tiful,

 

Jada Jackson, LMHC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Talk Show Host of Emotional Mojo

Author of Be-You-Tiful: The Threefold Process to Becoming You

Blogger and Author of Jada Jackson: My Story, My Life

The Official Facebook Fan Page: Jada Jackson Life Coach

jadajackson.com

 

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