Viewing entries tagged
jada jackson

Comment

Celebrating Women's History Month | DOWNLOAD Your FREE eBOOK

Are You Faithfully Celebrating Women's History Month? Yes! We celebrate all successful women, but not because they are greater than we are.

“I’m old. I have cellulite. I’m 10 lbs overweight. My husband doesn’t look at me the way he used to. I don’t love him the way I did before. What happened to my life?”

I listened to a friend of mine tell me about how she just didn’t feel like waking up to go to work because she hated life. “This is not the life I planned. I’m successful, but I’m not happy. Nothing makes me happy.”

As we celebrate Women’s History Month in March, I thought it would be interesting to look at the contrast between what women want and what we actually get.

For many years, women have been celebrated during the month of March to highlight their extraordinary contributions to their countries. Both here in the U.S. and internationally, women have left a mark in history that deserves celebration, and this year, the theme for Women’s History Month is "Honoring Trailblazing Women in Labor and Business.”

As a businesswoman, I am very much aware of the challenges that threaten success. The greatest struggles that kept me from wanting to get out of bed, like my friend, were financial challenges, uncertainty, lack of confidence, strong competitors, and my inability to find “loyal” staff members. All of the areas were extremely challenging, however, the greatest struggle I had was establishing work/life balance consistently.

Day after Day, I work with women who feel unworthy, devalued, uncelebrated, and insecure. Interestingly enough, if you walked past one of them on the street, you would never know that they’ve thrown in the towel on happiness, contentment, and peace. Why? Because she looks amazing! She drives a luxury car (or something close to it). Her makeup is flawless. Her children are adorable and well dressed. She works hard. People love her. She is successful. She is all that; but, she’s dying inside. I just described the clients that I work with, but I also described me. My passion to help others came from a long, hard look in the mirror. When each of us looks into the mirror we should see one thing: HUMANITY. We are all HUMAN. This means that we all struggle. We all have insecurities. We all want to be loved. We all want to be valued. We all want success.

 

Are You Faithfully Celebrating This Month?

We Celebrate Successful Women; But, Not Because They’re Greater Than Us.

 

This month, we celebrate Women’s History in the United States…but many women harbor deep pain and problems.

Beneath the passion, behind all of the great success we find ourselves also motivated by a deep, painful guilt I, myself, know a great deal about. You may even question the importance of celebrating someone's life that doesn't quite model yours. Maybe women's history means nothing to you.

Well, it really doesn’t matter if you’re in the beginning phase of history making or not. False comparisons are made when you’ve no personal success as a point of reference.  

When March comes around, we ironically invite “the comparison trip” into our heads. Guilt floods in when you want the success that you find in another person.

Don’t feel embarrassed by it. This particular battle is a hard one to fight. And maybe it’s not just during the month of March, maybe it every month of the year that you struggle with illegitimate comparisons to your friends, coworkers, societal icons, or your sister.

 

- There’s Only One Way To Being You

 

Wherever you are; no matter how you’re going to “get there,” you’re not fulfilled until you arrive at your destination. The truth is, I don’t have a remedy or cure for the guilt you deal with.

I do, however, have a solution to enable you to walk the happy road to being you. The manifestation of who you are means you’ll be celebrated this month. There’s no need to wait.

I’m calling it my “positive step approach.” Instead of working on your guilt trip, I’m going to work on your final destination. This isn’t the place you’re at, at the moment.

Let me take you on the journey to become you! This is the same journey that the women we celebrate this month took to ultimate success. It was never an overnight success, and I won’t make it one for you. The journey ahead is a serious commitment that you have to make to achieve your personal goals.

-----------Once you’re in the rightful place, there will be no one else to compare with.

To do that for you, I’m releasing my book for free this month. At the cost of nothing, it’s put directly into your hands. Your final commitment, to end the guilt, is to read it. I’ve never given something so valuable away for free.

I Will Not Put A Price Tag On What’s Rightfully Yours. I can only do it during this month.

You have an entire celebration to go through. And we’re now walking you past the emptiness, anxiety and void. Embrace the fullness that’s yours.

Do it now. Open your copy, and discover how powerful success becomes when you become you. We’re ready to celebrate Women’s History Month, but this time it’s for you to make YOUR MARK and success this time. I know…you already have it in you!

- J.J.

Comment

1 Comment

The Perfect Guy | Is Your Partner a Sociopath? | Jada Jackson, LMHC

Is your partner a sociopath?

From time to time, Hollywood gives us an opportunity to discussion real life mental health and relationship issues by releasing major feature films like “the perfect guy.”

After its debut, many questioned the behaviors of their boyfriends, girlfriends, partners or spouses…why? Because sociopathic behavior begins charming and often ends destructive.

“The Perfect Guy” with Sannaa Lathan, Michael Ealy and Morris Chessnut, did not disappoint us, as the thriller captured all of the conflict, drama and romance of relationships at various stages. If you haven’t seen the movie, I will not spoil it for you…but, what I will do, is give you a step by step blow of how you can spot sociopathic behavior in your love life…

So, how many of us are actually faced with the sociopathic aggression of our exes after a breakup? And, How do you know if your partner has sociopathic tendencies?
Here are a few things to look out for:
But first, let me just say that ALL of us have some form of CRAZY…so, don’t take my list to the extreme. As a LMHC, I assess my clients for Duration, Intensity and Frequency of symptoms. This means that before I even think about diagnosing a patient with a disorder, I want to ensure that the DIF are significant enough to consider.

With that said, according to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders….this is what to look for if you believe you are dating a sociopath…
•    Superficial charm
•    Grandiose sense of self-worth
•    Prone to boredom
•    Pathological lying
•    Manipulative
•    Lack of remorse
•    Shallow
•    Lack of empathy
•    parasitic lifestyle
•    poor behavior control
•    unrealistic goals
•    impulsive
•    irresponsible
•    unreliable
•    impersonal sex life

If you are dating someone that fits the criteria of a sociopath, consider whether or not your life is negatively effected by their behavior. Remember, it is important to trust your gut and make sure that you are not in danger. If you are second guessing your situation, contact a relationshiop counselor that can help you sort though your confusiton.
And if you haven’t seen the movie, click on trailors listed below.
If you’ve seen the movie, I want to know your thoughts. Share your comments and thoughts below.
I’m Jada Jackson, LMHC and I’ll see you next time.

Please Comment! Let me know what you think.

 

1 Comment

Comment

BACK TO SCHOOL: Let the Games Begin! | 3 Tips PARENTS need to know

BACK TO SCHOOL: Let the Games Begin! | 3 Tips PARENTS need to know

It’s that time again! Anxiety and stress are crouched at the door! Your child is both excited and nervous; and you are holding your breath in anticipation of your teen’s next emotional roller-coaster ride.

As we approach a new school year, many parents are wondering if things will ever change. Well, the quick answer is, “No!” Of course, your child will still have butterflies on the first day of school. Your child may not want to go to school on the first day. She may have anxiety because she has the second-lunch period and her best friend has the first-lunch period. She may have fears about fitting in and being accepted. So, of course, she will be a little anxious and nervous.

But, how do you know if your child falls within the normal behavioral guidelines for back-to-school anxiety? Answer “YES” or “NO” to the following questions:

Does your child usually complain of stomachaches or body pains the night before or the morning of school?

Does your child suddenly seem quiet or withdrawn?

teenagers.jpg

Has your child become more angry and/or irritable than usual?

Has your child’s eating or sleeping patterns changed?

Does your child seem to worry more than usual?

If you’ve answered, “YES” to three or more of these questions, it is possible that your child is experiencing back-to-school anxiety. Remember, life changes may cause a variety of emotional and somatic symptoms as your child learns to adjust to new classes, new students, a new environment, new teachers, and new expectations. This is normal. The real question is, “How can you help?”

Unfortunately, parents mistake their child’s anxious behavior as disrespect or “having an attitude.” It is important that you are able to recognize your child’s symptoms.

TIP #1: PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR

It is important to recognize slight behavioral changes in your child. If your child is cranky and irritable most of the time, you should seek help from a physician or mental health counselor. However, if your child is usually jovial and carefree, but you notice that she is angry and withdrawn…take this seriously. Here are a few symptoms to look for:

Psychological/Emotional Symptoms may include:

·      Excessive worry

·      Fear or panic

·      Irritability, anger

·      Dread

·      Obsessive thoughts

·      Difficulty concentrating

Physical symptoms:

·      Nausea or vomiting

·      Rapid heartbeat

·      Body aches

·      Muscle tension

·      Changes in eating and/or sleeping patterns

·      Sweating, hands and palms

·      Butterflies in stomach

 

TIP #2: DO NOT ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE

Your child may struggle with communicating exactly what she is feeling. When children are faced with change, their first reaction will be anger. It is important to understand that ANGER is a secondary emotion and usually there is a primary emotion lurking beneath anger. Those primary emotions may include the following:

·      Fear

·      Confusion

·      Unworthiness

·      Envy or Jealousy

·      Devalued

·      Helplessness

·      Inferior

·      Overwhelmed

·      Lonely

·      Hurt

·      Sad

·      Uncomfortable

·      Awkward

·      Distrusting

If your child displays angry or irritable emotions, refrain from adding fuel to the fire. Instead of chastising your child for acting out, attempt to understand. Here are a few questions you can ask your child:

·      How do you feel about your first week of school?

·      I know your feel angry, but what else are you feeling right now?

·      What can I do to help you?

·      What else will help you deal with what you are feeling?

In moments of distress, it is necessary to become your child’s ally and not her adversary.

TIP #3: SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IN A LIFE-COACH OR COUNSELOR

Choosing to work with a Coach or Counselor is not an admission of weakness for your child or your family. When you decide to team up with a coach, you are giving your child an opportunity to embrace personal, social and academic success!

Coaching and Counseling will provide your child with emotional benefits that will strengthen her confidence, self-esteem and overall success. Here are a few benefits of adolescent or teen therapy:

·      Learn self-awareness skills to recognize emotional distress

·      Understand the difference between perceived and actual fears

·      Explore social anxiety triggers and learn to let go of fears

·      Understand and process relational conflicts and/or challenges

·      Learn to REFRAME negative emotions, thoughts and experiences.

·      Learn to create strategic plans to achieve attainable goals

·      Learn to embrace hope and positivity

·      Develop healthy decision-making skills

·      Learn the art of emotional management

As a Teen Self-Esteem Specialist, I encourage parents to take an active role in the emotional development of their children. As I work with my teen clients, I also work with the parents. It is necessary that the parent learn just as much as the child. Understanding your Parenting Style is the first step to helping your child succeed. Over the past 15 years, I've worked with teens girls challenged with low self-esteem and poor decision-making skills. My NEW Self-Esteem POWER approach to working with teen girls has proven both successful and necessary for building healthy self-concept. This 6-step approach to counseling teen girls through self-esteem issues will help your child achieve greater success!

I you want more information about back to school anxiety or parenting styles, contact a therapist near you. Or you can click the button below for a free consultation to learn more about Jada's Self-Esteem POWER Kit for Teen Girls!



Comment

Comment

CRAZY-IN-LOVE: 3 Tips for Common Relationship Problems

“Who’s singing that song?” I asked the girls at the front desk. The lyrics were clearly Beyonce’s “Crazy in love,” but the voice and music were very soft, smooth and lullaby-like. It was amazing. I could actually hear the lyrics clearly. It was Daniella Andrade…

Crazy-in-love is a term I hear from some of my clients that feel they are stuck between insane love and painful rage. Maybe Beyonce was on to something. Maybe she crawled into the heads of some of my crazy-in-love clients who couldn’t explain WHY their hearts pounded when a certain someone walked by; or HOW they put up with emotional abuse by a certain someone that only called after midnight and wouldn’t call again until two weeks later. WHY?

What did Beyonce’ mean when she said, “Got me lookin’ so crazy right now?"

Have you ever asked yourself why you put up with certain negative behaviors in a relationship? Have you ever wondered why you couldn’t get a certain person out of your mind?  Well, maybe it has everything to do with YOU and not necessarily them. Maybe we are crazy in love because we are in search of our deepest, most intimate desires in the form of a person. Once we believe we've found that person, we find ourselves lost in the sea of disappointment because our expectations were shattered. Well, whatever your "crazy-in-love" may be, we've all been there!

Remember, most of us are in search of that special someone that we can spend the rest of our lives with and grow old together. Unfortunately, most of us that find ourselves saying, “I do,” also find ourselves saying, “I don’t!” That’s right, over 50% of all marriages end in divorces and dreams are shattered. Lives are changed and hearts are broken when we fail to address our "crazy-in-love" issues; and whether we believe it or not, ALL relationships experience conflict and challenges.

Here are the 3 most common relationship problems and possible solutions.

Communication:

This is the #1 conflict couples have and the basis for many arguments. It results in a lack of understanding that causes even further distance. There is a misconception that poor communication means a lack of verbal dialogue. But it really means that somewhere along the line the conversation has become guarded and there isn’t the openness necessary to have the discussions needed to stay connected and make the relationships last.

Communication Solutions:

o   Speak your mind: This means trusting yourself enough to be vulnerable in the relationship and share with your partner what is on your mind. It’s essential you speak up so you and your partner can be on the same page.

o   Be receptive: When a person speaks their mind and it isn’t received well, it can be discouraging for open communication in the future. Even in difficult situations its important to maintain respect and listen to what the other has to say. This gives you the ability to have a full understanding so you can work as a team to solve them.

Problem Solving:

Different personality types can create a wide range of responses when it comes to solving problems. Some people cope with avoidance, anger defensiveness, blame, etc. The method in which problems are handled can either strengthen or weaken the relationship.

Problem Solving Solutions:

o   Stay on topic: When problems arise they can often trigger past conflicts and create a bigger problem. Discuss the present issue with the intentions of resolving it and instead of strengthening your argument.

o   Agree to disagree: There will be things that you and your partner have different views on. You don’t have to sacrifice your values or what you think is right. Accept the difference in opinion so you can reach an emotional closure.

o   Work together: An argument shouldn’t become a battle of who wins or loses. Work together and encourage yourself to grow to a point where obstacles become lessons and problems in your relationship become a signal for teamwork.

Poor Sex Life:

Even couples that have a great emotional relationship can have completely different needs when it comes to sex. A good sex life is open to discussion and meets the needs of both people. Studies have shown that a good sex life is considered to contribute to about 20% of a happy relationship. But a bad sex life is said to contribute about 70% of an unhappy relationship. Meaning that a bad sex life has a much bigger impact on the connection.

Solutions For a Better Sex Life:

o   Express your needs: If you’re not feeling fulfilled in your sexual relationship with your partner, that void will just increase. Express what you’re needs and have a continuous open dialogue.

o   Be open-minded: Sex someone you love is a very intimate and vulnerable experience that allows you to love your partner in a physical way. Be open to new experiences, this helps foster the spark in your connection and keep the excitement alive.

o   Seek a therapist. A bad sex life could have an underlying problem that may need the help of a therapist or sex counselor to help discover what it is.

Relationships can bring the greatest joy you’ve ever known, but they take work.  If you consider the tips above, tune into your partner, and allow yourself to be vulnerable; you have the formula for what it takes to make your relationship last. 

Still feeling a little "Crazy-in-love?" Contact a therapist and book a session TODAY!

Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

Comment

Comment

3 Beauty Tips to Improve Your Mood: Get BRAIN-SMART!

3 Beauty Tips to Improve Your Mood: Get BRAIN-SMART!

If you look like a MESS, you will FEEL like a mess! With the hustle and bustle of today's pop culture, it seems harder and harder to keep up with beauty and fashion trends. This article is designed to give you three simple tips to LOOK better and improve your MOOD at the same time.

I spent ten years as a fashion and print model; and I've walked over 2,000 runways! Now, I want to take the time to combine my "beauty-knowledge" with my "brain-power."

150_Ebon1207News.jpg

Remember, the definition of MOOD is a "temporary state of mind." That means that your mood may change from day to day or from month to month. One of the most important skills that I teach my clients is the technique of "managing emotions" from hour to hour throughout the day. Maintaining emotional stability throughout the day will give you greater focus, improve relationships and help you make more effective decisions. Additionally, you can also manage your emotions by choosing to LOOK better. Yes! That's right! Regardless of your age, profession or physical attributes, you can FEEL better about yourself TODAY when you embrace these three simple beauty tips:

1. GROOMING

2. ACCESSORIZING

3. PAMPERING

Let's get started!

GROOMING is the first step to a more "manicured" appearance. Do you ever wonder why some women look flawless even when casually hanging out or shopping? Oftentimes it's because they pay attention to details! Your eye brows, nails (fingers and toes), and hair must be maintained at all times! For me, I believe the brows are the most important aspect of the face. I spend a great deal of time making sure that my brows are groomed perfectly. This is my most important tip! If you want, you can stop reading here because if you focus on your eye brows only, you will begin to look and feel better!

Remember, it is so important to keep your brows waxed, plucked and manicured at all times. Even if you do not wear makeup…KEEP YOUR EYE-BROWS FLAWLESS!!! The video below will help you get started if you are a beginner, and give you some additional tips if you are already a brow-pro!

 

Also, when it come to grooming, it is necessary to keep your finger and toe nails manicured. You do not have to wear colored polish or acrylics to look groomed and flawless; but, you must pay attention to detail. If you wear your nails short, keep them filed and clean; and always keep hand lotion with you. There is nothing worse than shaking hands with someone that has rough, dry hands.

Another grooming must is to keep your hair NEAT! No matter what hairstyle you choose, make sure that it compliments your face and it looks neat. You always can tell a well-put-together person by how they maintain their hair.

If you make intentional upgrades in these grooming areas, you will certainly begin to feel better about yourself.

 

ACCESSORIZING is the second step to a more “put-together” YOU! Remember, accessories are the glue that holds an outfit together. Whether you are headed to the office or walking around the park, pay close attention to your accessories…and don’t forget that less is more. A simple pair of sunglasses, a simple bracelet, or earring can add just the right touch to make a statement and upgrade your mood. Look better...feel better! The video below is simple and to the point. There are some great tips to get you started. You may agree or disagree with some of the options, however, take a a risk and be creative!

Final tip...

PAMPERING is the third beauty step to boost your mood! Life is crazy, the kids are busy with activities, work is demanding and everyone needs YOU! Well, tell them to WAIT! Take an hour and a half to PAMPER you! Applying a little love and care to your chaotic world will not only boost your mood, but you will begin to feel better about yourself. Remember, you do not have to spend a lot of time on pampering...again, less is more!

Here are a few Ideas for pampering yourself...keep an open mind and be willing to be CREATIVE! Click the button below.

 

 

Respectfully yours,

Jada Jackson, LMHC-3.png


Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

Comment

Comment

Understanding Self-Esteem and the Brain | 4-Tips to Help

We all have those days when we feel like we just can’t rise to the challenge, or when we may feel that we aren’t good enough. It’s normal to feel down on ourselves sometimes. But why is that? This matter of mental health has to do with self-esteem. Self-esteem is defined as “confidence in one’s abilities or worth.” There are various ways self-esteem can be impacted, and several things one can do to maintain a positive self-image.

To better understand this important aspect of life,  self-esteem must be examined from a neurological perspective.

A recent Dartmouth study reveals a possible source of self-esteem within the brain. It appears that internal locus of control—how much control over our lives we believe we have, which is directly correlated with self-esteem—is related to how well regions of the brain connect. This finding could help with future treatments for depression and anxiety disorders. The study found that people with stronger white matter connection from their medial prefrontal cortex (responsible for self-knowledge) to their ventral striatum (involved in reward sensation) showed high long-term self-esteem.

Understanding how the brain works in regards to this topic will help improve self-esteem when necessary. The way you think about yourself is developed in the same type of process as learning how to ride a bike. The more practice with the bike, the stronger rider you are. Eventually you can ride without thinking about it. A strong pathway in the brain has been created. When we are children, our thoughts about ourselves are created by the messages from those who we believe are important, such as family members, schoolmates, and friends. For example, if you were constantly picked on in school, this most likely led to the formation of low self-esteem and a negative self-image. Now as an adult, your thoughts repeatedly revert back to the messages engrained in your mind. If you went to a party, your self-esteem and pattern of negative thinking could kick in and lead to social anxiety and the belief that no one likes you; the reality is that the others at the party have not even met you yet! The default to pessimism is a dominant thought pattern. It is automatic, just like riding a bike after lots of practice. Circumstances trigger thoughts that, even unconsciously, cause the reactions— based on your established self-esteem. The good news is that these thought processes can be changed and self-esteem can certainly be improved! Here a few solutions to promoting a healthier self-image, based on cognitive behavioral therapy.

·      Be aware of what you are thinking and feeling.

Once you are aware, you can practice new, positive, thought/behavior patterns.

·      Identify difficult situations that may decrease your self-esteem ahead of time.

Anticipate the negative and inaccurate thinking and challenge initial thoughts that revert back to a negative concept of yourself.

·      Focus on the positive!

deal-teenage-girl-attitude-800x800-300x199.jpg

Remind yourself of all the good things about your life, all the things that have gone your way in the past week, and the skills and talents you have. You truly are more amazing than you may realize.

·      Re-label thoughts that upset you.

Instead of jumping to the conclusion that you must react negatively and beat yourself up, step back and ask yourself, “What can I do to make this situation less stressful on myself?”

Self-esteem is a product of unconscious and unconscious processes that occur within the brain. It is a common problem among all people to develop a negative self-view, or sometimes underestimate one’s own self worth. However, there is no need to feel stuck in a negative mindset. Adhering to a few simple changes and recognizing your thought pattern can make a world of difference. So, before you automatically think negatively about yourself or a situation, take a deep breath, step back, and realize that these feelings are not facts.

Respectfully yours,

Jada Jackson, LMHC-3.png


Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

Author: Emily Simpson (Intern)

References:

http://www.self-esteem-experts.com/how-the-brain-works.html

http://www.dartmouth.edu/~opa/statements/brainselfesteem061614.html

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374



Comment

Comment

Kids and Technology Addiction | 3 Tips to Safeguard your Child's Future | Jada Jackson LMHC

Kids and Technology Addiction | 3 Tips to Safeguard your Child's Future | Jada Jackson LMHC

There is much controversy regarding technology and its negative effects on children. Because television is relatively new in the grand scheme of time—our great grandparents’ generation grew up without it—and for the most part computer and video games were born in the 80s, there is concern and skepticism about the potential harm that could ensue from the entertainment, now in almost every household around the world. We live in the age of sedentary lifestyles. Kids used to spend most of their time outside playing with friends, and fun used to be defined as finding ways to stay out of the house and not be bored on the couch! My, how things have changed. Today if you were to ask a handful of elementary children what they like to do for fun or how they spend their time after school, the majority of the responses would consist of, “watching TV” or, “playing my favorite video game.” That’s just the way recent generations have grown up and what our culture consists of now. I can absolutely account for partaking in technology and activities indoors much more than playing outside as I grew up. While there isn’t anything wrong with playing electronic games and watching some television, how much is too much? When does it all become detrimental, in any way? How do we prevent the problems of addiction— which are quickly becoming very common and even have specific diagnoses—? There has even been talk of adding these types of disorders to the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders! Here is an important question we should all ask ourselves and research: What is the influence of technology on a developing child?

Merely a couple decades ago, kids had to create their own entertainment and really use their imagination in play. Simply having fun really exercised the mind and allowed the flourishing of creativity. Kids of the past were almost always on the move, exploring nature and aspects of the world now overshadowed by electronics. This allowed the brain the be stimulated and, as a natural result, intelligence and education to develop and reach optimal levels. Of course one who goes out and exposes his/her senses to all sorts of different learning opportunities and information, will be more educated on the world and overall more developed than an individual who stays inside and doesn’t do much more than experience what the TV and computer have to offer. A 2010 Kaiser Foundation study revealed that elementary aged kids spend about 7.5 hours each day on entertainment technology. In addition, 75% of children have TVs in their bedrooms, and 50% of all North American homes have the television on all day! Those are rather astounding facts. No longer do families actually talk and spend quality time together. The TV is the main focus and source of communication. Constantly relying on electronic and sedentary activities dramatically limits one’s developing imagination and ability to be creative. More importantly, these types of entertainment can impede one from achieving proper sensory and motor development. Rapidly advancing technology has caused an increase in physical, psychological, and behavioral disorders. Childhood obesity, as a result of staying inside and being on the couch too much, is a national epidemic in the United States. ADHD, autism, developmental delays, unintelligible speech, learning difficulties, anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders are all associated with technology overuse—at an alarming degree. The following factors are critical in achieving proper development and a healthy child: movement, human connection, touch, and nature. Such factors ensure normal posture, bilateral coordination, appropriate arousal states, and a good educational foundation for entering school. It’s frightening that by engaging in too much television or electronic games, all 4 critical components go unaddressed. What does this say about how technology affects a child? It is clear that one must monitor TV, cellular, and internet usage of children so that important developmental milestones are not missed— resulting in suboptimal intellect.

Below are some tips to keep a relationship with technology under control!

·      Set a rule that for every hour inside spent on sedentary activities, your child must spend 3 hours outside.

This just keeps a healthy ratio of the types of stimulation, with more importance placed on getting the healthy interactions and sensory discovery the real world provides.

·      For young kids make TV time an educational experience.

Baby Einstein videos are well-known and scientifically created to help stimulate the early child mind. Disney Junior is ideal for kids around the kindergarten age. This portion of Disney Channel focuses on educational topics while still being fun and entertaining.

·      Despite living in a world consumed with electronics, make sure you’re engaging with your child and they are getting the kind of interpersonal contact necessary for prosperity and being a well-adjusted human.

Some resources to take advantage of, if you have a child leaning toward an addiction to any kind of technology, include the following sites: http://netaddiction.com/parents/; http://childpsychologist.com.au/resources/technology-addition-and-young-people.

The latter website offers articles and interviews on disorders, as well as ways to tell if your child is in fact addicted to technology or possesses a milder problem. In addition, you can find strategies and tips to combat the struggles the popular ways of entertainment today can pose.

Like many things, technology is good in moderation and without overindulgence. It can be dangerous, as research has shown, but with the knowledge and preparedness one can have, there is no reason why TV, internet, games, or cellphones, can’t be enjoyed without negative effects.

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Emily Simpson (Intern)

References:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cris-rowan/technology-children-negative-impact_b_3343245.html



Comment

Comment

UPENN Suicide

The death of Madison Holleran in January 2014 made national news at the time, and has recently resurfaced in a big way. Her suicide made waves, and it stands out for important reasons. It brings to surface the significance of mental health and the potentially detrimental effects unnoticed or unattended cries of help, or state of well being, can have. It also sheds light on the fact that college can be a breeding ground for depression, anxiety and other serious mental health problems that often go ignored. Many see one’s moodiness or unhappiness when first in college as adjusting or having a hard time making friends. Though often that is the case, the University of Pennsylvania tragedy shows that for some, mental declines are more than just stress, getting used to a new atmosphere, and a big change in life. Madison’s sadness and feelings of depression may have stemmed from her grades or feeling that she wasn’t meeting self-set expectations, but it is clear to me that an underlying mental health condition was at play.  

She was an Ivy League track star, seemingly happy and presenting a front of having everything together. A popular athlete can’t get depressed or have a mental illness, one may say. After the tragedy, everyone was shocked because by all appearances—on social media—Madison seemed too happy and “perfect” to be afflicted. The masking of social media unintentionally contributes to cases of depression and suicides, gone unaddressed before it’s too late. I think there are important lessons to take away from this tragic situation.

·      Don’t assume that because someone’s social media accounts appear to portray him/her as perfectly okay, that everything really is okay—it is easy to hide one’s true feelings or state of mind in that way.  

·      If someone asks for help, a courageous and hard thing to do when feeling depressed or coping with a mental health problem, do not make light of it or push the situation to the side expecting it to go away.

·      Push for the wellbeing of the person struggling; they are probably in a state of mind of not being concerned, or unable to care about their own health. Get them into treatment! If you see signs of serious issues, be persistent in getting the individual to a physician and/or therapy.

·      Assure your loved one that it’s okay to be sick. It is not their fault, a weakness, or a sign of imperfection. It is okay to have a health problem and get help. In Madison’s case, her depression and mental health crisis felt like a burden to her, and she saw it as a burden for her family. She did not want to cause her loved ones any inconvenience with the things she was going through. So she took matters into her own hands, in the only way that she felt she could.

Madison’s father James said, “We knew she needed help. She knew she needed help.” Depression overcame Madison, and its severity came as a shock to her family, who cared deeply and did all they knew how to do to help her. Sadly, no one could see or predict the strength of the monster she was fighting. Madison’s story is unfortunately not unique; too many other cases happen nearly every day of college students—people in general— succumbing to depression or mental illness and taking their own life. As I am sure Madison would want, her story can be an example to others struggling with depression, a glimmer of the harsh reality that mental illness can bring, and a warning— which families of one in such a situation should take to heart.

 

Author: Emily Simpson (Intern)

 

References:

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2542641/UPenn-shocked-freshman-track-star-Madison-Holleran-19-jumps-death.html

Comment

Comment

Laws of Attraction | 3 Steps to Use the Laws to Your Advantage | Jada Jackson LMHC

Laws of Attraction | 3 Steps to Use the Laws to Your Advantage | Jada Jackson LMHC

We can all point out the “beautiful” people in a room, but that doesn’t guarantee we’re all going to be 100% attracted to them. For example, your friend can be completely love-struck by someone you think resembles a blend between Carrot Top and Quasimodo, why is that? Why are we attracted to one person over another? What draws us to certain people, aside from the obvious physical appearance?

This can be explained by the “Law of Attraction,” the concept that ‘like attracts like’. Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. The reciprocity principal and the uncertainty principle also play a part in our attraction toward potential partners. 

There are 2 elements in the law of attraction that makes it a bit complicated. In the reciprocity principle there are clear signs of interest from both sides, the attraction progresses and things go on from there. In the uncertainty principle a person finds out another ‘might’ like them and become focused on the discovering the answer. They begin to interpret actions as explanations to support the possibility. This focus begins to translate as desire and longing without truly knowing them.

happy-couple.jpeg

Those dealing with the reciprocity principle felt happier, more content, and made a smoother transition into a relationship. Those dealing with the uncertainty principle felt higher levels of attraction but lower levels of happiness. The uncertainty can become emotionally draining.

As far as “like attract like,” the attitude we have can determine the type of people we attract. A positive or negative attitude can be picked up on from across the room. It can be from our posture, hand movements, tone of voice, facial expressions, and so on. We make unconscious leaks in our attitude that are picked up and pursued by those who can relate. Which is why we often find ourselves in the same type of relationship.

Use the Law of Attraction in your favor to start attracting the best partners for you.

1.     Stay true to yourself. You can’t attract the right person if you’re sending out false signals. Be authentic and let the real you come out.

2.     Love who you are. If you need someone else to make you feel great about yourself, you’re going to attract the wrong person. Acknowledge your greatness and lead with it.

3.     Maintain a positive attitude. If you accept yourself and love all that you are, it’s hard not to have a positive attitude. This will not only attract more positive relationships but it will also increase your respect and standard for yourself to help in selecting the right person for you.

By understanding the power in the laws of attraction, you understand that you have control in who you attract by controlling what you put out, and always presenting your best self. If you work with the laws of attraction, positive attractions and relationships are bound to follow.

Author: Dani James (Intern)

 

Comment

Comment

National Mentoring Month | Thank Your Mentor Day: January 15th 2015 (Click Here)

The key to improving your business, achieving your goals and maximizing your potential is…COACHING! Did you know that people with coaches or mentors are more productive and more successful? Yep! Here I am spending a little time with my coach, Les Brown! 2015 is the year for GREATER SUCCESS!

The key to improving your business, achieving your goals and maximizing your potential is…COACHING! Did you know that people with coaches or mentors are more productive and more successful? Yep! Here I am spending a little time with my coach, Les Brown! 2015 is the year for GREATER SUCCESS!

 

Please click the "Share" button above and also PLEASE leave a comment!

January is National Mentoring Month (NMM)! If you are not familiar with NMM, the movement began in 2002 and was developed by the Harvard School of Public Health. More specifically, NMM focuses on encouraging “individuals, government agencies, schools, faith communities and nonprofits” to work together to pair mentors and mentees. Additionally, well-known individuals that have worked with NMM include the U.S. President, members of Congress, Maya Angelou, for President Bill Clinton, Clint Eastwood, Senator John McCain, Quincy Jones, General Colin L. Powell, Cal Ripken, Jr., Bill Russell and Usher.

Mentoring WORKS! Children and teens with effective mentor relationships are more likely to have higher grades, healthier social relationships and personal success. Additionally, professionals with

I am excited because January 15th is National Thank Your Mentor Day and I want you to join me in celebrating mentors and coaches! Do you have a mentor? Do you have a coach? Have these people inspired you? If so, take time to acknowledge your mentor and coach today. Post a pic, send a text or invite them to lunch. A small gesture of gratitude will let them know just how thankful you are for their support and guidance.

As a licensed mental health counselor and life coach, I’ve mentored and coached many, many clients throughout the years. I believe mentorship is an important part of development for thriving professionals, entrepreneurs and students. So, I want to take time to acknowledge my AMAZING mentors and coaches, who have walked with me through the good and bad. Thanks to all of you! Especially Les Brown and Dr. Stacia Pierce!



Comment

Comment

3 Simple Tips to Avoid Divorce | Avoiding DIVORCE before you get MARRIED | Marriage Counselor Jada Jackson LMHC

 

It’s not a far stretch to assume that impulse marriages, marriages that happen just hours after knowing each other, are highly likely to end in the days or months following the wedding. But recently there has been a trend of planned marriages; couples in committed relationships that plan to wed, then divorce or annul the marriage days or weeks later. Celebrities like, Mario Lopez and his ex-wife Ali Landry dated 6 years and divorced after just 18 days of marriage. Nicolas Cage and ex wife Lisa Marie Presley dated 2 years and divorced 107 days later. And the famous Kim Kardashian wedding to Kris Humphries dated for 6 months then filed for divorce 72 days later.

Is marriage becoming the end-all of relationships? No of course not. I believe the reasons for why people are entering a marriage; dictate the success and happiness of that marriage. If you enter a marriage with the idea of a possible divorce, desires to change the other, or pressure from either side, the success of it lasting decreases significantly. A marriage needs to be based upon a solid underlying friendship, and it needs to meet the needs of both people involved.

Your values and desired expectations need to be discussed with your partner before marriage, preferably, or at least early on. This allows the other to know what is anticipated and starts the process of open communication, which is extremely crucial.

Divorce is not always a solution and may only be an acceptance of defeat and loss when all other options have been exhausted. It should be a decision made with careful consideration and alternative efforts beforehand. It’s important that when you commit to a marriage that you commit to working it, everyday. Marriage is not 50/50 it’s 100/100. Give 100% of you to your marriage and your values, and the likelihood of divorce will fall way short.

Here are three quick tips to consider before you get married:

1)            ASK QUESTIONS. Yes, you must ask all the right questions BEFOFE you decide to tie the knot. Areas of consideration include: children, finances, sexual expectation, parenting styles, household responsibilities, religious and political views.

2)            KNOW YOURSELF. It is important to know yourself and your expectations for a partner. If you are able to communicate your expectations clearly, you have a better chance at achieving success in your relationship.

3)            BE WILLING TO COMPROMISE. Compromising is a MUST in any relationship. However, it is important to know that it is not necessary for you to compromise at the expense of losing yourself. Embrace healthy boundaries while learning to compromise with your partner.

Remember, if you or someone you know are struggling with divorce issues, please contact a counselor for assistance.

AUTHOR: Jada Jackson, MS, LMHC – Communicator, Coach & Licensed Mental Health Counselor working with couples, teens, young adults and women empowerment.

 AUTHOR: Dani James (Intern)

 

Comment

Comment

Tips For Parents: Understanding Parenting Styles

Here are some common conflicts most, if not all, parents face:

Common conflicts for parents:
-Disruptive children (making a scene it public)
-Communication (not knowing what children are doing)
-Demanding your attention
-Messy children (won’t clean up after themselves)
-Picky eating (getting them to eat healthy foods)

Co-Parenting after Separation Conflicts:
-Resentment from previous relationship (disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing)
-Difficult time communicating
-Disagreements with discipline
-Time with children (having to split)

Blended Family Conflicts:
-Children not accepting new family (can cause tension in relationship)
-Confusion for kids (identity confusion)
-Can create rivalry between new and old siblings.
- Competing for attention

While assessing the conflicts we each endure, in order to best assist the consummation of this metaphorical bridge, we must first identify what type of parenting style we fall into:

Authoritarian Parenting: Parents set strict rules that have to be followed, failure to do so will result in harsh punishment. These parents typically have high demands, but don’t tune into their children. This style is generally obedience and status based and expects their order to be obeyed without explanation. Referred to as the “because I said so” parents.  

 Impact on child:
  -Tend to associate obedience and success with love.
  -May display more aggressive behavior outside home.
  -May act fearful or overly shy around others.
  -Have difficulty in social situations.
  -Often have lower self-esteem.

 
Authoritative Parenting:
Like Authoritarian, these parents establish rules that their children are expected to follow. But with this style parents are more responsive to their children and are open to listening to questions from them. When children make mistakes these parents are more nurturing and forgiving. They monitor and impact clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive or restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self regulated as well as cooperative.

 Impact on child:
  -Have good emotional control and regulation
  -Tend to have happier dispositions
  -Develop good social skills
  -Are self-confident about their abilities to learn new skills.

 
Permissive Parenting:
Permissive parents are generally known for rarely disciplining their children due to their expectations in the maturity and control of the child. They are more responsive then they are demanding, they do not require mature behavior and avoid confrontation. This often leads to being more of a friend then a parent.

 Impacts on child:
  -Lack self-discipline.
  - Sometimes have poor social skills.
  -May be self-involved and demanding.
  -May feel insecure due to the lack of boundaries and guidance.

Uninvolved Parenting: An uninvolved parent has few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. These parents fulfill the child’s basic needs, like food and shelter, but then are generally detached from their child’s life. They are typically emotionally distant from their children, offer little or no supervision, show little warmth, love and affection towards their children, don’t attend school events and parent-teacher conferences, and are often overwhelmed by their own problems.

 Impact on child:
  -Must learn to provide for themselves.
  -Fear becoming dependent on other people.
  -Are often emotionally withdrawn.
  -Tend to exhibit more delinquency during adolescence.
  -Feel fear, anxiety or stress due to the lack of family support.
  -Have an increased risk of substance abuse.
 
It's often the case, that as adults we belittle and minimize the personality of kids, deeming them and their opinions trivial and unimportant and while although some kids say the darnest things, unconditional support and love, go a very, very long way. Next, are some tips an hour to better bridge the generation gap. But before we move on, it's important to keep in mind two points I've mentioned previously: having a sincere and open line of communication and finding a unique bond with every child.

Tips to help resolve parenting conflict:

Know kids will make mistakes. It’s a guarantee. No one is perfect and accepting mistakes are a learning process makes it so much easier to roll with the punches. As children develop they test boundaries, it’s a part of their nature. Instead of getting angry or avoiding it, confront the situation from a compassionate and guided perspective and the children will respond.

Be open to communication. You want your children to feel like they can come to you when they do make a mistake, instead of not telling you and the problem potentially getting worse.

Support the others discipline. If your children observe disagreements on how to discipline the situation, it makes the immediately disrespect. If there are disagreements take the issue aside and try to find a discipline that can work for both parents and that both are willing to continuously carry out.

Provide a constant form of consistency. In order for a child to positively grow, they need a solid stable form to start from. Whatever changes being made or stage they are going through in life, there needs to be a consistent source of love and support. You don’t have to love and support some of the behavior, but you have to consistently love and support the child.

Find a unique bond with each child. It’s important as the parent or stepparent, you create a unique bond with each child. Having a special connection helps them find their individuality and create an attachment. Its important to make each child feel just as important as the other.

Use mistakes as teaching tools. When kids inevitably do make mistakes, its important to use that time as a teaching moment and show the child the mistakes behind made so they can better recognize how to solve it next time. Simply solving the problem yourself, avoiding it, or getting angry with them wont help them grow. Kids that are taught to use mistakes as lessons were shown to adjust to change more successfully.

I sincerely hope these tips have benefitted you, the reader, and have provided some insight on how to curb one's own desires and habits. Kids are our future and, as stated earlier, although sometimes they can be a handful and overwhelming, how we treat them today, shapes the people they become,and consequently the world we live in, tomorrow.

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC, Dani James and Ricardo Mojo (Interns)

Comment

Comment

How To Get The Most Out Of Your Relationships

How To Get The Most Out Of Your Relationships

When two people come together, whether it be romantically or casually, it adds a completely different dynamic to the lives of both parties. This 'shift' in each other's reality, comes simply from having the other play a more intimate role in their life. Caring, compassion and altruism take over and for the most part, we survive. But what about for those of us who have a tough time keeping relationships with others? The following are some tips on how to make the most out of all your relationships present and future:

Start By Making Your Happiness A Priority:
Take time to identify what you're truly passionate about (it can be yoga, music, running etc) and do it.  You'll see that you will start to look at life a little lighter and that will show itself through your personality. You'll start to attract others who are also enjoying what their doing by doing what they enjoy.

Start Being Yourself, Genuinely and Proudly
Embrace and love yourself, flaws and all. It's easier said than done, but once you choose to stop trying to be someone else and start being yourself, life seems to get a whole lot less complicated. You start building self confidence, which shows itself, thus attracting other confident, optimistic and happy people. When you quit worrying about what others are bringing to the table, you can better focus on what you can bring, instead.

Start Entering Relationships For The Right Reasons
Seek honest and dependable people who reflect the person you are and want to be. People who you can admire and who reciprocate your own kindness and commitment. After all, if you're going into a relationship for your own selfish reasons, what then would convince you that it would work?

Pay Attention To What Others Do
It's been said time and time again that actions speak louder than words and its true! While people might not always TELL you how they feel about you, they'll always SHOW you. Pay attention.

Start Cheering For Others Victories
Everyone appreciates a little admiration and a little celebration. Take time to congratulate someone on an achievement or to celebrate with them. It'll help strengthen the bond you two share and allow for plenty of good times and laughs.

Forgive Yourself and Others
We're all human and we all make mistakes. Just like you didn't like hearing your parents rag on you when you were a kid, you can imagine it's less tolerable when, as an adult, someone your age does it. Accept what happened and decide to learn from it rather than dwell on what happened.

A lot of these tips are aimed at, well.. you the person reading this, because although we sometimes like to put the blame on others, we can never take responsibilities for others actions. We must always reflect on our own, as those are what define who we are now and help shape who we become. 'Be the change you want to see in the world', as  Mahatma Gandhi once said.

Author: Jada Jackson LMHC and Ricardo Mogo (Intern)

Comment

Comment

Beauty & the Beast | Tips for Slaying Depression

Beauty & the Beast | Tips for Slaying Depression | Robin Williams | Jada Jackson, LMHC

Depression is a BEAST! Did you know that the more beautiful, talented and popular people fight harder to slay the beast of depression? Some of Hollywood’s most famous beauties have been diagnosed with depression: Ashley Judd, Owen Wilson, Demi Lovato, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Gwyneth Paltrow, Brooke Shields and more. Additionally, research suggests that pretty women are more likely to be depressed.

Regardless of one’s external attributes or undeniable talents, depression can strike the old, the young, the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful. According to USA Today, “Investigators in California said Oscar-winning actor Robin Williams was found dead in his bedroom, fully clothed, slightly suspended in a seated position with a belt around his neck, with one end wedged between a closet door frame. Lt. Keith Boyd, assistant chief deputy coroner for Marin County, Calif., said rigor mortis had already set in. Williams was found by his personal assistant, who broke in to his room when he failed to respond to knocks.”

Persoanlly, I remember Williams as the funny, zany Mork from the hit TV series Mork and Mindy; and later I adored him various movies and shows. However, my faviorite was his role as a therapist in Good Will Hunting. As we mourn the loss of a great talent, we can’t help consider the pain he must have endured. The talented actor committed suicide and left Americans shocked by his death. The common question that echoes throughout the nation is, “Why would he do this?” The answer was a very loud, “Because he was depressed.” Well, what are the implications of depression and what signs should we look for in our loved ones?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health:

There are several forms of depressive disorders.

Major depression,—severe symptoms that interfere with your ability to work, sleep, study, eat, and enjoy life. An episode can occur only once in a person’s lifetime, but more often, a person has several episodes.

Persistent depressive disorder—depressed mood that lasts for at least 2 years. A person diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder may have episodes of major depression along with periods of less severe symptoms, but symptoms must last for 2 years.

Some forms of depression are slightly different, or they may develop under unique circumstances. They include:

  • Psychotic depression, which occurs when a person has severe depression plus some form of psychosis, such as having disturbing false beliefs or a break with reality (delusions), or hearing or seeing upsetting things that others cannot hear or see (hallucinations).
  • Postpartum depression, which is much more serious than the “baby blues” that many women experience after giving birth, when hormonal and physical changes and the new responsibility of caring for a newborn can be overwhelming. It is estimated that 10 to 15 percent of women experience postpartum depression after giving birth.
  • Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is characterized by the onset of depression during the winter months, when there is less natural sunlight. The depression generally lifts during spring and summer. SAD may be effectively treated with light therapy, but nearly half of those with SAD do not get better with light therapy alone. Antidepressant medication and psychotherapy can reduce SAD symptoms, either alone or in combination with light therapy.

Bipolar disorder, also called manic-depressive illness, is not as common as major depression or persistent depressive disorder. Bipolar disorder is characterized by cycling mood changes—from extreme highs (e.g., mania) to extreme lows (e.g., depression).

Understanding depression is the first step to developing a strategy to defeat the beast; and depression is a beast that must be slain with careful precision.

7 tips for Slaying Depression:

  • ENLIST a counselor to walk the journey with you. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. Unfortunately, counseling has taken on a negative sterotype that prevents people from exploring therapeutic options. Having a therapist DOES NOT mean that you are “crazy.” Everyone could use someone to talk to and develop life strategies to manage life’s complexities. Talk therapy is a perfect way to address the stress in your life.
  • EXPLORE medication option with your physician and/or psychiatrist. Medication may be necessary and only your doctor or psychiatrist can prescribe it. However remember, medication alone may not be as effective as the pairing of medication and psychotherapy.
  • EXERCISE to balance brain chemicals. Once you discuss with your phycisian an appropriate exercise plan, stick to it. Exercise releases “feel good” chemicals in the brain that will ultimately stimulate positive moods. Once you commit to exercising regularly, you may find your mood changing in a more positive way.
  • EAT healthy to help repair your body’s deficiencies. Eating healthy and exercise go hand in hand. The more “good” you put into your body, the more “good” you get out of your body. High performance will come when you fuel up with nutritious foods.
  • SLEEP to regain balance in your body and mind. The chemicals released during deep sleep are necessary for growth in children and cell repair in adults.
  • REFRAME negative thoughts and replace with positive thoughts. Remember, what you think is what you feel and what you feel is what you do. With negative thoughts come negative emotions and ultimately negative behaviors. Thought the act of reframing, we can change how we think about a situation and replace the negative thought with a positive thought. Obviously this is not an overnight process, however, it is a necessary process to reduce symptoms of depression that may be triggered by faulty thought patterns.
  • DEVELOP a healthy support system. A negative support system will fuel your depressive symptom. Surround yourself with positive friends and family members that will support your efforts to maintain a healthy and happy life.

Remember, these are tips that will assist you in minimizing your depressive symptoms. However, if you or someone you know are overwhelmed with symptoms of depression, please contact a therapist that may assist you.

Reference:  National Institute of Mental Health http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml

Comment

Comment

Forgive and Set Boundaries--5 Steps to Protect Yourself

Forgive and Set Boundaries--5 Steps to Protect Yourself

“Forgiveness allows us to let go of the pain in the memory and if we let go of the pain in the memory we can have the memory but it does not control us. When memory controls us we are then the puppets of the past.” – Alexandra Asseily. I love this quote because it is so true in the process of forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you automatically forget everything that happened, it means you are making a conscious decision to let go of the pain and anger that is bringing you down, and learn for the memory.

Forgiving someone that has damaged your trust and security in the relationship, whether it is a fight with your siblings, other family members, or friends, the way you handle it is all the same. I recommend these 5 stages to help forgive and let go in difficult circumstances.

Give yourself permission. Wanting to forgive and actually embracing the processes of forgiveness are two very different concepts. Allowing yourself to do so is the first step in the process because it can sometimes be the hardest. Having to let go and allow yourself to be vulnerable in a situation you were once hurt can be scary. But it can build your confidence, courage, and self-esteem knowing you can get through some tough experiences EVEN IF the situation does repeat itself. It builds your confidence knowing that whatever life brings, you have the strength to overcome it. Holding on to resentment and anger won’t make the other person or the situation any better and it will only hurt you.

Be self-aware. Tune into your feelings and identify why you’re upset. Avoidance is never a good long-term approach because it will come out in the relationship in other destructive ways.

Consider the past and present. Look at the (offending) persons past behavior. If they have done this numerous times in the past, you will probably want to keep your guard a little closer until that pattern starts to disappear. But if this was a one time thing and their past behavior gives no real indication that it will happen again, then their prior years of consistent stability should stand for something.

Set a healthy baseline. Don’t be afraid to be honest when something is bothering you. The only way people will know which lines they can cross, is if you allow them to do so. Be assertive and confront the situation levelheaded but direct, and you will set a healthy baseline of your expectations.

Start small. When healing from a damaged relationship trying to go back and pretend that everything is normal is just avoiding the reality, which is only a short-term solution. Start small so you can build the confidence and trust back. Being self-aware is very important at this stage too, so you can determine the appropriate pace that works for you and discuss it.

Being angry and holding on to pain uses a lot of physical and emotional energy. Releasing yourself of that turmoil will allow you to having more energy that you can focus towards things that make you happy. Keeping that resentment with you is only forcing yourself to live the painful moment, every single day. Who is that really helping? Forgive and allow yourself to be happy.

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Danielle James, Intern

Comment

Comment

Let Go of a Grudge! 4 Tips to get started Today

It's time to cover yet another challenge we all seem to battle: holding on to grudges. Now most grudges are constructed in order to help us cope with being wronged, but why do we tend to hold on to them longer than we'd like to? Before we cross that bridge, it's important to know why we hold on to grudges. Here are a few common reasons:

Protection. Sometimes we have an unconscious belief that holding onto resentment from a former problem will protect you from ever being taken advantage of in the future. But its actually counterproductive and prevents you from learning from experiences.

Revenge. People sometimes feel that if they let go of the anger or resentment too quickly that the other person is getting off too easily. But holding on to a grudge allows someone else's behavior and actions affect your happiness.

Fear. We fear that if we let go of what hurt us, it will only happen again. And if we forgive the person that hurt us they will only do it again.

Need closure. A lot of times it's hard for people to let go of events or situations because there’s no resolution to it. They may feel like they need an apology or answers in order to move on.

Even though most of us would never deliberately wish harm or bad fortune on another person, it’s sometimes difficult to loosen the grip we have on our negative thoughts. Negative energies, even just being in a bad mood, tend to exhibit through ones body language and tone of voice. This just goes to show that holding grudges isn't just toxic for the mind in which it resides in, but to those around you as well. Here's a few tips on how to get let go of grudges.

How to let go of Grudges?

Acknowledge what took place. Acknowledge your hurt feelings and the situation itself. Bringing the issues to light is very important if you want to truly let the situation go. Trying to “brush it under the rug” will only hurt you and prevent you from processing your emotions.

Step into his or her shoes. Looking at the situation from the other persons point of view may help you understand. Its important to view the situation from their perspective to see what their intentions were and try understand where they are coming from. Sometimes people who have grown up in a lot of pain and anger will exhibit those characteristics and it has nothing to do with you or your friendship.

Choose to commit to forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t really have to do with the other person as much as it has to do with you. Forgiving the other person means your just letting the past be the past and not carrying the ill feelings with you. It does not mean that you will allow what happened to repeat itself it just means you are willing to let it go for yourself. During this process say it aloud, either to yourself or to whoever involved because verbalizing it makes it an action and will make it “real” in your brain.

Move on. Once you have forgave the incident, don't dwell on it. Don't go back and think of what-if situations. Just allow the situation to be what it is and move forward. You can't change a situation by living in the past, focus your energy on building your future.

What would it be like to live in a world where we wished well upon everyone, even those who have done wrong to us? While some see it as perhaps science fiction, others see it as a movement that begins, and perpetuates, with each and every one of us. I, personally, am inclined to firmly believe in the latter, as a world filled with love and compassion seems like a much more appealing place to live than one ran by vengeance and greed. So let go of the vengeful malicious intent, abandon the negative thoughts and adopt a much healthier lifestyle and mindset.

Have faith. Stay focused. Remember to breath.

Emotional Mojo Talk Show RECAP:

Benefits of Letting Go of a Grudge

Healthier relationships
Stronger emotional wellbeing
Minimize anxiety and depression
Lower your blood pressure
Lower risk of addictive behaviors

How do we let go of Grudges?

ACKNOWLEDGE what took place. (be honest with yourself)

STEP into HIS or HER shoes. (can you see the other side?)

Choose to COMMIT to forgiveness (for yourself)

MOVE ON. (an intentional action)

One thing to do today: CHOOSE one person and see if you can put yourself in their shoes to embrace empathy.

 

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC, Danielle James and Ricardo Mogo (Interns)

Comment

Comment

Forgiving Unfaithfulness and Betrayal--Tips to help let go

Forgiving Unfaithfulness and Betrayal--Tips to help let go

Many couples find themselves asking the unfortunate but common question, how do we survive my spouses affair.Most couples want to make the relationship work but dont know how to go about doing so, especially when major events happen that completely disrupt their connection. First things first, turning away from the marriage is never the answer, but if you find yourself in that position and want to change it, its important to understand why and how you got there.

In order to list all the reasons why people cheat, I would need to dedicate a whole other article to it and a good span of the afternoon. Its important to understand why this happens so as a couple you can make sure it doesn't happen again. It is a painful process but the only way to strengthen your relationship is to deal with the truth.

 High sex drive. These individuals have a hard time managing monogamy, and most often have that entitled personawhere they feel that they work hard and should be able to have the freedom to do what they want. Women can exhibit this trait, but its most often seen in men.

Sexually bored. This is contributes to both sexes, if the passion and spark are missing and there are no efforts to spice it back up, you or your partner may start to find yourself having desires that fall outside the relationship. If this is the case, work with your partner to see how you both can liven things up. No matter how long youve been in a relationship its never too late to add some excitement.

Revenge for partners infidelity. The majority of these instances happen out of spite when the first affair wasnt handled properly. If there is an affair during the relationship, one of the worst was to handle it in terms of saving your relationship, is getting even. It will just drive you further apart.

Self-abandonment. Oftentimes, this is a huge reason that motivates individuals to cheat. This leads to inner emptiness that results in a person seeking to be filled up externally. They use the outside achievements and material things to validate them. This could be having an affair with a hot, young girlfriend or boyfriend to rationalize to themselves that they are still young and attractive.

Emotional Connection. Some relationships can grow apart so much that the individuals in them can feel more like roommates than they do partners. Typically, affairs dont result in lasting relationships but if the reason they are is because they are receiving emotional gratification from someone else, this puts the relationship at a high-risk for failure. Feeling emotionally fulfilled with someone that is not your partner is the number one reason why cheaters usually leave the relationship for their affair. Generally, more women say that they cheated for an emotional connection.

After you discover why there was infidelity in the marriage, the next step is working together to start forgiving. This takes effort from both sides, even though it may seem like the one who had the affair should be responsible for fixing relationship, its actually not the case. Since there are two people in the relationship, it takes two people to fix it. 

Ask yourself, are they worth another chance? This means looking back at past behavior. Have they cheated in past relationships before? Have they cheated on you before? Was this a one time thing or an ongoing affair? The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior.

Give each other some space. Most peoplesinitial feeling is to hold onto their partner even tighter and make sure they don't leave their sight. But holding on to the relationship even tighter actually shows an level acceptance of their behavior. By getting away you are proving a point that this not acceptable and helps your partner realize the consequences of his her actions

Find a time to meet. Establish that this is a meeting where questions need to be answered. There is one purpose for this meeting and that is to decide whether or not the relationship can be salvage and if both partners are willing to work at it. Honesty needs to be top focus no matter how painful it may be. You cant change whats not acknowledged.

Build a new relationship. Because the old relationship is damaged, it needs to be let go of. Its important to look at this as a new beginning of the two of you, which can be an exciting journey if you make it one. That doesn't mean the feelings of trust are automatically restored, but it means setting new expectations in place so it can be. Go on dates again and regain the spark that brought the relationship together. And be prepared to make some changes yourself and do your part in making sure your partner feels fulfilled.

Nothing is impossible in terms of the strength of a human relationship. There are 3 components that lead to a long lasting and happy connection: Commitment, Intimacy, and Passion and finding a balance of the three. Its like riding a tricycle, you need all three wheels to function properly in order to ride smoothly, if one wheel is missing or loose or there is too much weight on one side, it’ll be a struggle to ride it for long distances. The same goes for your relationship. If both people work to keep all 3 elements existing and balanced, it can survive through even the toughest terrain.

Emotional Mojo Talk Show RECAP: Additional Tips

Believe it or not, Attachment Styles will determine if we will be unfaithful. Here are the types of attachment styles:

Secure Attachment

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment 

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Remember: The attachment style we developed as children is based on our relationship with our parents or early caretaker.

Who’s most likely to be unfaithful? The “anxiously attached” person is more likely to “betray” in a relationship.

So, How can we forgive when we’ve been betrayed?

  Ask yourself, are they worth another chance (is it worth the investment)

 Give each other some space (take time to clear your head)

  Find a time to meet (acknowledge the pain, explore the facts, be honest)

  Build a new relationship (the old relationship must be a thing of the past)

One thing to do TODAY: COMMIT to making a choice to forgive and call your loved one today!

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Danielle James, Intern

Comment

Comment

Block Your Haters! - 5 Simple Tips to Get Over Your Haters

Block Your Haters! - 5 Simple Tips to Get Over Your Haters

No matter how well you're doing, you just can't seem to get everyone on your side. There's always a Debbie Downer looming around the corner, a Negative Nancy ready to rain on your parade or a Pessimistic Patty with a few less-than kind words at her disposal. Now trust me, I'm not by any means new to Haters and their 'Haterade', but there's only so much a person can take! If you've got haters in your vicinity and are having a tough time finding the right way to deal with them, well you've come to the right place!

You can handle your haters by following these simple tips–

1. Knowing who you are:

Out of all the people you'll ever come in-contact with, you spend the most time with yourself, so shouldn't you enjoy your own company? Become acquainted with who you are and what you stand for, as this will better your understanding of yourself and help mold the foundation to which you can properly defend against all those haters out there! Also, identify your standards and abide by them as this will help secure a firm grip on your reality.

2. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people:

Probably a no-brainer but, the best way to handle your haters is to eliminate them! Don't allow someone the honor of being around you if they don't have your best interest at heart. Trust me, the right people (those who are meant to be a part of your life) will support your endeavors, raise your spirits and rejoice in your victories.

3. Set achievable short/long term goals:

Setting goals for yourself is not only a good way to keep yourself productive, but it also plays a hand in how satisfied you are with your life. It's been shown that those who set goals (both long or short-term) and consequently achieve them, have a fuller and more positive outlook on life. You'll see that constructing and reaching your goals will add a sense of purpose to your life and will really help center yourself around al that works for you which will ultimately eliminate all that doesn't.

4. Love yourself:

Be your own biggest fan! Need a point of reference? Love yourself as much as Kanye loves Kanye. In all seriousness, learn to love and accept your strengths as well as your weaknesses. Give credit where credit is due;there's nothing wrong with patting yourself on the back after a personal achievement

5. Keep in mind that you don't live for anyone elses approval but your own:

Once you stop living for other people, you'll see that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Not having a bar set to an unachievable height will greatly reduce your stress levels, but keep in mind that this doesn't mean not to set your own bar high, just means your point of reference should be nobody but yourself.

Follow these steps and you'll see that you will gradually grow apart from the Negative Nancy's of the world and a new breed of Uplifting Ursula's (I gave it my best shot) will gravitate to you. Also, don't impose yourself on a Hater, after all a Hater's job is to Hate, so let them do their job! If you happen to notice that people are slowly drifting away, don't feel discouraged Keep these tips in mind next time you're feeling overwhelmed or defeated by a hater and remember that people in this world aren't against you, they're simply for themselves.

 

Emotional Mojo Show Recap: Additional Tips

What are “haters?” People that are:

·      Critical

·      Negative

·      Destructive

·      In pursuit of what you have or want what you have

·      Green eyed monsters

·      Unsatisfied with their own lives

·      Miserable

 

How to Block the Haters:

-Kill ‘em with kindness

- Laugh at them 

 -Ignore them

-BLOCK them

-Surround yourself with POSITIVE people

One thing to do today: ENLIST an accountability partner to discuss the haters and choose to IGNORE them!


Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Ricardo Mojo, Intern

Comment

Comment

Bullying, Hazing, Mobbing: What's the difference?

Bullying, Hazing, Mobbing: What's the difference?

What is hazing? “The imposition of strenuous, often humiliating, tasks as part of a program of rigorous physical training and initiation.” Or, “Humiliating and sometimes dangerous initiation rituals, especially as imposed on college students seeking membership to a fraternity or sorority.”

What is bullying? “An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.” Or, “Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.”

What is Mobbing? “When a group of people (friends, family, team, coworkers, social media or online) bully an individual person.”

What the difference between the three? Not much because they are all infractions against the protection and well being of the victim.

A New Jersey high school cancelled the remaining football season due to a hazing incident. The school superintendent for the Sayreville War Memorial High School, along with a unanimous vote of the school board, decided that the alleged bullying incident was serious enough to punish the team (and all students) by cancelling the season.

The brutal hazing and bullying became commonplace in the locker room after practice, according to a parent of a freshman football player. According to NJ Advance Media, “It would start with a howling noise from a senior football player at Sayreville War Memorial High School, and then the locker room lights were abruptly shut off. In the darkness, a freshman football player would be pinned to the locker-room floor, his arms and feet held down by multiple upperclassmen. Then, the victim would be lifted to his feet while a finger was forced into his rectum. Sometimes, the same finger was then shoved into the freshman player’s mouth.”

Could this be considered a criminal act? Well, the school board president, Kevin Ciak that there is an ongoing investigation and the assistant prosecutor stated that the crimes are sexual in nature with the possibility of a first-degree charge.

So, how can parents and schools protect children from bullying, hazing and/or mobbing? Here are tips to help:

EDUCATE: It is important to educate students, parents and the community about the seriousness of bullying. There are various forms of bullying and oftentimes it is difficult to identify the source of the violation. Talking about the types of bullying (Physical, Emotional/Relational, Cyber/Online, Verbal) may help identify an attack easier. Remember, even older children are at risk for bully attacks.

ENCOURAGE: It is necessary to encourage your child to talk to someone they can trust if they are being bullied. Oftentimes the victim may experience an extreme sense of shame, however, be alert to changes in your child’s behavior. Here are symptoms to look for: isolation/withdrawal, sadness, irritability, changes in eating or sleeping habits, fear of going to certain places, unexplained injuries, loss of friends, somatic symptoms.

SUPPORT: Remember, many victims of bullying may not seek help because they believe it may make the situation worse. Therefore, provide an alliance for the victim and discuss ways you can help without making things worse. The victim may fear a greater retaliation if adults get involved. A strategy must be put in place to protect the victim, advocate for the victim and support the victim without causing additional harm.

The Sayreville War Memorial High School football season was cancelled and it is unfortunate that the innocent had to pay the price with the guilty. However, the superintendent made a decision to protect the victims of what appears to be a serious crime, and with the act of moral responsibility comes collateral damage. A strong “zero tolerance” message was sent to those that believed that bullying, hazing, and/or mobbing were acceptable.

 

Sincerely Be-You-Tiful,

Jada Jackson, M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Talk Show Host of Emotional Mojo

Author of Be-You-Tiful: The Threefold Process to Becoming You

Blogger and Author of Jada Jackson: My Story, My Life

jadajackson.com

 

 

Comment

Comment

Coping with Grief and Depression- Aaron Hernandez

Aaron Hernandez

Hot, sexy and crazy? Is Aaron Hernandez going crazy behind bars? Well, the former New England Patriot may never play football again because his mental health challenges and substance use has landed him in big trouble. Hernandez became a member of the elite NFL fraternity when he signed a 5-year, $40 million dollar contract with the Patriots. With fame, fortune and opportunity, how does a talented young athlete become a murder suspect? Well, Hernandez has blamed his behavioral and mental health challenges on the loss of his father. Whether his father’s death was the reason for his hot temper or series of negative events in his life, one thing is clear and that is Hernandez needs help.

Hernandez was arrested for the murder of Odin Lloyd, who was also considered a friend. After the arrest, a series of unsolved murders came to the attention of authorities and suggested Hernandez may have even been involved with them. And while Hernandez sits in prison awaiting his trial, he released letters that are most disturbing saying,

“I’m on the block here lovin’ it. I got my own cell too... I’m out all day only lock in 4 hours a day… So we be ballin’. You know, my realest ‘G’ I ever effed with, I'm still effin with - Harry Potter!”

Ok, so, Hernandez appears to have “reframed” his arrest beautifully by learning how to “ball” in prison. It’s clear that he has adapted to his environment, but it still does not explain how a young emerging football star could throw his future away during the prime of his career. What went wrong?


A series of violent acts and events have followed Hernandez for many years. Some believed the Patriots took a chance by committing to a player with a tumultuous and violent history. And like Hernandez, there are many people that struggle with depression as a result of the loss of a parent, substance abuse and mental health challenges; and here are a few ways to help your loved one:

Symptoms of depression

·      Loss of interest in things: work, school, activities, sex, hobbies

·      Unusually sad, moody and irritable

·      Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness

·      Somatic symptoms: headaches, stomach aches, etc

·      Fatigued and increased or decreased sleep

·      Isolates from family and friends

·      Emotional eating; weight gain or loss

·      Increased substance use or abuse

What to do:

·      Be aware of the symptoms

·      Research treatment options and gather resources

·      Extend support to your loved one

·      Do not judge or become critical

·      Ask questions without condemnation

·      Hospitalize if loved one is suicidal

Depression may be triggered by a number of different causes and only a mental health professional can clinically diagnose the symptoms. If you or a love one are facing the challenges of depression, grief, or substance abuse please contact a counseling professional today.


Sincerely Be-You-Tiful,

Jada Jackson, M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Talk Show Host of Emotional Mojo

Author of Be-You-Tiful: The Threefold Process to Becoming You

Blogger and Author of Jada Jackson: My Story, My Life

jadajackson.com


Comment