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marriage

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CRAZY-IN-LOVE: 3 Tips for Common Relationship Problems

“Who’s singing that song?” I asked the girls at the front desk. The lyrics were clearly Beyonce’s “Crazy in love,” but the voice and music were very soft, smooth and lullaby-like. It was amazing. I could actually hear the lyrics clearly. It was Daniella Andrade…

Crazy-in-love is a term I hear from some of my clients that feel they are stuck between insane love and painful rage. Maybe Beyonce was on to something. Maybe she crawled into the heads of some of my crazy-in-love clients who couldn’t explain WHY their hearts pounded when a certain someone walked by; or HOW they put up with emotional abuse by a certain someone that only called after midnight and wouldn’t call again until two weeks later. WHY?

What did Beyonce’ mean when she said, “Got me lookin’ so crazy right now?"

Have you ever asked yourself why you put up with certain negative behaviors in a relationship? Have you ever wondered why you couldn’t get a certain person out of your mind?  Well, maybe it has everything to do with YOU and not necessarily them. Maybe we are crazy in love because we are in search of our deepest, most intimate desires in the form of a person. Once we believe we've found that person, we find ourselves lost in the sea of disappointment because our expectations were shattered. Well, whatever your "crazy-in-love" may be, we've all been there!

Remember, most of us are in search of that special someone that we can spend the rest of our lives with and grow old together. Unfortunately, most of us that find ourselves saying, “I do,” also find ourselves saying, “I don’t!” That’s right, over 50% of all marriages end in divorces and dreams are shattered. Lives are changed and hearts are broken when we fail to address our "crazy-in-love" issues; and whether we believe it or not, ALL relationships experience conflict and challenges.

Here are the 3 most common relationship problems and possible solutions.

Communication:

This is the #1 conflict couples have and the basis for many arguments. It results in a lack of understanding that causes even further distance. There is a misconception that poor communication means a lack of verbal dialogue. But it really means that somewhere along the line the conversation has become guarded and there isn’t the openness necessary to have the discussions needed to stay connected and make the relationships last.

Communication Solutions:

o   Speak your mind: This means trusting yourself enough to be vulnerable in the relationship and share with your partner what is on your mind. It’s essential you speak up so you and your partner can be on the same page.

o   Be receptive: When a person speaks their mind and it isn’t received well, it can be discouraging for open communication in the future. Even in difficult situations its important to maintain respect and listen to what the other has to say. This gives you the ability to have a full understanding so you can work as a team to solve them.

Problem Solving:

Different personality types can create a wide range of responses when it comes to solving problems. Some people cope with avoidance, anger defensiveness, blame, etc. The method in which problems are handled can either strengthen or weaken the relationship.

Problem Solving Solutions:

o   Stay on topic: When problems arise they can often trigger past conflicts and create a bigger problem. Discuss the present issue with the intentions of resolving it and instead of strengthening your argument.

o   Agree to disagree: There will be things that you and your partner have different views on. You don’t have to sacrifice your values or what you think is right. Accept the difference in opinion so you can reach an emotional closure.

o   Work together: An argument shouldn’t become a battle of who wins or loses. Work together and encourage yourself to grow to a point where obstacles become lessons and problems in your relationship become a signal for teamwork.

Poor Sex Life:

Even couples that have a great emotional relationship can have completely different needs when it comes to sex. A good sex life is open to discussion and meets the needs of both people. Studies have shown that a good sex life is considered to contribute to about 20% of a happy relationship. But a bad sex life is said to contribute about 70% of an unhappy relationship. Meaning that a bad sex life has a much bigger impact on the connection.

Solutions For a Better Sex Life:

o   Express your needs: If you’re not feeling fulfilled in your sexual relationship with your partner, that void will just increase. Express what you’re needs and have a continuous open dialogue.

o   Be open-minded: Sex someone you love is a very intimate and vulnerable experience that allows you to love your partner in a physical way. Be open to new experiences, this helps foster the spark in your connection and keep the excitement alive.

o   Seek a therapist. A bad sex life could have an underlying problem that may need the help of a therapist or sex counselor to help discover what it is.

Relationships can bring the greatest joy you’ve ever known, but they take work.  If you consider the tips above, tune into your partner, and allow yourself to be vulnerable; you have the formula for what it takes to make your relationship last. 

Still feeling a little "Crazy-in-love?" Contact a therapist and book a session TODAY!

Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
Media Room: http://www.jadajackson.com/new-gallery/

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3 Simple Tips to Avoid Divorce | Avoiding DIVORCE before you get MARRIED | Marriage Counselor Jada Jackson LMHC

 

It’s not a far stretch to assume that impulse marriages, marriages that happen just hours after knowing each other, are highly likely to end in the days or months following the wedding. But recently there has been a trend of planned marriages; couples in committed relationships that plan to wed, then divorce or annul the marriage days or weeks later. Celebrities like, Mario Lopez and his ex-wife Ali Landry dated 6 years and divorced after just 18 days of marriage. Nicolas Cage and ex wife Lisa Marie Presley dated 2 years and divorced 107 days later. And the famous Kim Kardashian wedding to Kris Humphries dated for 6 months then filed for divorce 72 days later.

Is marriage becoming the end-all of relationships? No of course not. I believe the reasons for why people are entering a marriage; dictate the success and happiness of that marriage. If you enter a marriage with the idea of a possible divorce, desires to change the other, or pressure from either side, the success of it lasting decreases significantly. A marriage needs to be based upon a solid underlying friendship, and it needs to meet the needs of both people involved.

Your values and desired expectations need to be discussed with your partner before marriage, preferably, or at least early on. This allows the other to know what is anticipated and starts the process of open communication, which is extremely crucial.

Divorce is not always a solution and may only be an acceptance of defeat and loss when all other options have been exhausted. It should be a decision made with careful consideration and alternative efforts beforehand. It’s important that when you commit to a marriage that you commit to working it, everyday. Marriage is not 50/50 it’s 100/100. Give 100% of you to your marriage and your values, and the likelihood of divorce will fall way short.

Here are three quick tips to consider before you get married:

1)            ASK QUESTIONS. Yes, you must ask all the right questions BEFOFE you decide to tie the knot. Areas of consideration include: children, finances, sexual expectation, parenting styles, household responsibilities, religious and political views.

2)            KNOW YOURSELF. It is important to know yourself and your expectations for a partner. If you are able to communicate your expectations clearly, you have a better chance at achieving success in your relationship.

3)            BE WILLING TO COMPROMISE. Compromising is a MUST in any relationship. However, it is important to know that it is not necessary for you to compromise at the expense of losing yourself. Embrace healthy boundaries while learning to compromise with your partner.

Remember, if you or someone you know are struggling with divorce issues, please contact a counselor for assistance.

AUTHOR: Jada Jackson, MS, LMHC – Communicator, Coach & Licensed Mental Health Counselor working with couples, teens, young adults and women empowerment.

 AUTHOR: Dani James (Intern)

 

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How To Get The Most Out Of Your Relationships

How To Get The Most Out Of Your Relationships

When two people come together, whether it be romantically or casually, it adds a completely different dynamic to the lives of both parties. This 'shift' in each other's reality, comes simply from having the other play a more intimate role in their life. Caring, compassion and altruism take over and for the most part, we survive. But what about for those of us who have a tough time keeping relationships with others? The following are some tips on how to make the most out of all your relationships present and future:

Start By Making Your Happiness A Priority:
Take time to identify what you're truly passionate about (it can be yoga, music, running etc) and do it.  You'll see that you will start to look at life a little lighter and that will show itself through your personality. You'll start to attract others who are also enjoying what their doing by doing what they enjoy.

Start Being Yourself, Genuinely and Proudly
Embrace and love yourself, flaws and all. It's easier said than done, but once you choose to stop trying to be someone else and start being yourself, life seems to get a whole lot less complicated. You start building self confidence, which shows itself, thus attracting other confident, optimistic and happy people. When you quit worrying about what others are bringing to the table, you can better focus on what you can bring, instead.

Start Entering Relationships For The Right Reasons
Seek honest and dependable people who reflect the person you are and want to be. People who you can admire and who reciprocate your own kindness and commitment. After all, if you're going into a relationship for your own selfish reasons, what then would convince you that it would work?

Pay Attention To What Others Do
It's been said time and time again that actions speak louder than words and its true! While people might not always TELL you how they feel about you, they'll always SHOW you. Pay attention.

Start Cheering For Others Victories
Everyone appreciates a little admiration and a little celebration. Take time to congratulate someone on an achievement or to celebrate with them. It'll help strengthen the bond you two share and allow for plenty of good times and laughs.

Forgive Yourself and Others
We're all human and we all make mistakes. Just like you didn't like hearing your parents rag on you when you were a kid, you can imagine it's less tolerable when, as an adult, someone your age does it. Accept what happened and decide to learn from it rather than dwell on what happened.

A lot of these tips are aimed at, well.. you the person reading this, because although we sometimes like to put the blame on others, we can never take responsibilities for others actions. We must always reflect on our own, as those are what define who we are now and help shape who we become. 'Be the change you want to see in the world', as  Mahatma Gandhi once said.

Author: Jada Jackson LMHC and Ricardo Mogo (Intern)

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