BACK TO SCHOOL: Let the Games Begin! | 3 Tips PARENTS need to know

BACK TO SCHOOL: Let the Games Begin! | 3 Tips PARENTS need to know

It’s that time again! Anxiety and stress are crouched at the door! Your child is both excited and nervous; and you are holding your breath in anticipation of your teen’s next emotional roller-coaster ride.

As we approach a new school year, many parents are wondering if things will ever change. Well, the quick answer is, “No!” Of course, your child will still have butterflies on the first day of school. Your child may not want to go to school on the first day. She may have anxiety because she has the second-lunch period and her best friend has the first-lunch period. She may have fears about fitting in and being accepted. So, of course, she will be a little anxious and nervous.

But, how do you know if your child falls within the normal behavioral guidelines for back-to-school anxiety? Answer “YES” or “NO” to the following questions:

Does your child usually complain of stomachaches or body pains the night before or the morning of school?

Does your child suddenly seem quiet or withdrawn?

Has your child become more angry and/or irritable than usual?

Has your child’s eating or sleeping patterns changed?

Does your child seem to worry more than usual?

If you’ve answered, “YES” to three or more of these questions, it is possible that your child is experiencing back-to-school anxiety. Remember, life changes may cause a variety of emotional and somatic symptoms as your child learns to adjust to new classes, new students, a new environment, new teachers, and new expectations. This is normal. The real question is, “How can you help?”

Unfortunately, parents mistake their child’s anxious behavior as disrespect or “having an attitude.” It is important that you are able to recognize your child’s symptoms.

TIP #1: PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR

It is important to recognize slight behavioral changes in your child. If your child is cranky and irritable most of the time, you should seek help from a physician or mental health counselor. However, if your child is usually jovial and carefree, but you notice that she is angry and withdrawn…take this seriously. Here are a few symptoms to look for:

Psychological/Emotional Symptoms may include:

·      Excessive worry

·      Fear or panic

·      Irritability, anger

·      Dread

·      Obsessive thoughts

·      Difficulty concentrating

Physical symptoms:

·      Nausea or vomiting

·      Rapid heartbeat

·      Body aches

·      Muscle tension

·      Changes in eating and/or sleeping patterns

·      Sweating, hands and palms

·      Butterflies in stomach

TIP #2: DO NOT ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE

Your child may struggle with communicating exactly what she is feeling. When children are faced with change, their first reaction will be anger. It is important to understand that ANGER is a secondary emotion and usually there is a primary emotion lurking beneath anger. Those primary emotions may include the following:

·      Fear

·      Confusion

·      Unworthiness

·      Envy or Jealousy

·      Devalued

·      Helplessness

·      Inferior

·      Overwhelmed

·      Lonely

·      Hurt

·      Sad

·      Uncomfortable

·      Awkward

·      Distrusting

If your child displays angry or irritable emotions, refrain from adding fuel to the fire. Instead of chastising your child for acting out, attempt to understand. Here are a few questions you can ask your child:

·      How do you feel about your first week of school?

·      I know your feel angry, but what else are you feeling right now?

·      What can I do to help you?

·      What else will help you deal with what you are feeling?

In moments of distress, it is necessary to become your child’s ally and not her adversary.

TIP #3: SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IN A LIFE-COACH OR COUNSELOR

Choosing to work with a Coach or Counselor is not an admission of weakness for your child or your family. When you decide to team up with a coach, you are giving your child an opportunity to embrace personal, social and academic success!

Coaching and Counseling will provide your child with emotional benefits that will strengthen her confidence, self-esteem and overall success. Here are a few benefits of adolescent or teen therapy:

·      Learn self-awareness skills to recognize emotional distress

·      Understand the difference between perceived and actual fears

·      Explore social anxiety triggers and learn to let go of fears

·      Understand and process relational conflicts and/or challenges

·      Learn to REFRAME negative emotions, thoughts and experiences.

·      Learn to create strategic plans to achieve attainable goals

·      Learn to embrace hope and positivity

·      Develop healthy decision-making skills

·      Learn the art of emotional management

As a Teen Self-Esteem Specialist, I encourage parents to take an active role in the emotional development of their children. As I work with my teen clients, I also work with the parents. It is necessary that the parent learn just as much as the child. Understanding your Parenting Style is the first step to helping your child succeed. Over the past 15 years, I've worked with teens girls challenged with low self-esteem and poor decision-making skills. My NEW Self-Esteem POWER approach to working with teen girls has proven both successful and necessary for building healthy self-concept. This 6-step approach to counseling teen girls through self-esteem issues will help your child achieve greater success!

I you want more information about back to school anxiety or parenting styles, contact a therapist near you. Or you can click the button below for a free consultation to learn more about Jada's Self-Esteem POWER Kit for Teen Girls!

Bullying, Hazing, Mobbing: What's the difference?

Bullying, Hazing, Mobbing: What's the difference?

What is hazing? “The imposition of strenuous, often humiliating, tasks as part of a program of rigorous physical training and initiation.” Or, “Humiliating and sometimes dangerous initiation rituals, especially as imposed on college students seeking membership to a fraternity or sorority.”

What is bullying? “An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.” Or, “Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.”

What is Mobbing? “When a group of people (friends, family, team, coworkers, social media or online) bully an individual person.”

What the difference between the three? Not much because they are all infractions against the protection and well being of the victim.

A New Jersey high school cancelled the remaining football season due to a hazing incident. The school superintendent for the Sayreville War Memorial High School, along with a unanimous vote of the school board, decided that the alleged bullying incident was serious enough to punish the team (and all students) by cancelling the season.

The brutal hazing and bullying became commonplace in the locker room after practice, according to a parent of a freshman football player. According to NJ Advance Media, “It would start with a howling noise from a senior football player at Sayreville War Memorial High School, and then the locker room lights were abruptly shut off. In the darkness, a freshman football player would be pinned to the locker-room floor, his arms and feet held down by multiple upperclassmen. Then, the victim would be lifted to his feet while a finger was forced into his rectum. Sometimes, the same finger was then shoved into the freshman player’s mouth.”

Could this be considered a criminal act? Well, the school board president, Kevin Ciak that there is an ongoing investigation and the assistant prosecutor stated that the crimes are sexual in nature with the possibility of a first-degree charge.

So, how can parents and schools protect children from bullying, hazing and/or mobbing? Here are tips to help:

EDUCATE: It is important to educate students, parents and the community about the seriousness of bullying. There are various forms of bullying and oftentimes it is difficult to identify the source of the violation. Talking about the types of bullying (Physical, Emotional/Relational, Cyber/Online, Verbal) may help identify an attack easier. Remember, even older children are at risk for bully attacks.

ENCOURAGE: It is necessary to encourage your child to talk to someone they can trust if they are being bullied. Oftentimes the victim may experience an extreme sense of shame, however, be alert to changes in your child’s behavior. Here are symptoms to look for: isolation/withdrawal, sadness, irritability, changes in eating or sleeping habits, fear of going to certain places, unexplained injuries, loss of friends, somatic symptoms.

SUPPORT: Remember, many victims of bullying may not seek help because they believe it may make the situation worse. Therefore, provide an alliance for the victim and discuss ways you can help without making things worse. The victim may fear a greater retaliation if adults get involved. A strategy must be put in place to protect the victim, advocate for the victim and support the victim without causing additional harm.

The Sayreville War Memorial High School football season was cancelled and it is unfortunate that the innocent had to pay the price with the guilty. However, the superintendent made a decision to protect the victims of what appears to be a serious crime, and with the act of moral responsibility comes collateral damage. A strong “zero tolerance” message was sent to those that believed that bullying, hazing, and/or mobbing were acceptable.

Sincerely Be-You-Tiful,

Jada Jackson, M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC

Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Talk Show Host of Emotional Mojo

Author of Be-You-Tiful: The Threefold Process to Becoming You

Blogger and Author of Jada Jackson: My Story, My Life

jadajackson.com