Let Go of a Grudge! 4 Tips to get started Today

It's time to cover yet another challenge we all seem to battle: holding on to grudges. Now most grudges are constructed in order to help us cope with being wronged, but why do we tend to hold on to them longer than we'd like to? Before we cross that bridge, it's important to know why we hold on to grudges. Here are a few common reasons:

Protection. Sometimes we have an unconscious belief that holding onto resentment from a former problem will protect you from ever being taken advantage of in the future. But its actually counterproductive and prevents you from learning from experiences.

Revenge. People sometimes feel that if they let go of the anger or resentment too quickly that the other person is getting off too easily. But holding on to a grudge allows someone else's behavior and actions affect your happiness.

Fear. We fear that if we let go of what hurt us, it will only happen again. And if we forgive the person that hurt us they will only do it again.

Need closure. A lot of times it's hard for people to let go of events or situations because there’s no resolution to it. They may feel like they need an apology or answers in order to move on.

Even though most of us would never deliberately wish harm or bad fortune on another person, it’s sometimes difficult to loosen the grip we have on our negative thoughts. Negative energies, even just being in a bad mood, tend to exhibit through ones body language and tone of voice. This just goes to show that holding grudges isn't just toxic for the mind in which it resides in, but to those around you as well. Here's a few tips on how to get let go of grudges.

How to let go of Grudges?

Acknowledge what took place. Acknowledge your hurt feelings and the situation itself. Bringing the issues to light is very important if you want to truly let the situation go. Trying to “brush it under the rug” will only hurt you and prevent you from processing your emotions.

Step into his or her shoes. Looking at the situation from the other persons point of view may help you understand. Its important to view the situation from their perspective to see what their intentions were and try understand where they are coming from. Sometimes people who have grown up in a lot of pain and anger will exhibit those characteristics and it has nothing to do with you or your friendship.

Choose to commit to forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t really have to do with the other person as much as it has to do with you. Forgiving the other person means your just letting the past be the past and not carrying the ill feelings with you. It does not mean that you will allow what happened to repeat itself it just means you are willing to let it go for yourself. During this process say it aloud, either to yourself or to whoever involved because verbalizing it makes it an action and will make it “real” in your brain.

Move on. Once you have forgave the incident, don't dwell on it. Don't go back and think of what-if situations. Just allow the situation to be what it is and move forward. You can't change a situation by living in the past, focus your energy on building your future.

What would it be like to live in a world where we wished well upon everyone, even those who have done wrong to us? While some see it as perhaps science fiction, others see it as a movement that begins, and perpetuates, with each and every one of us. I, personally, am inclined to firmly believe in the latter, as a world filled with love and compassion seems like a much more appealing place to live than one ran by vengeance and greed. So let go of the vengeful malicious intent, abandon the negative thoughts and adopt a much healthier lifestyle and mindset.

Have faith. Stay focused. Remember to breath.

Emotional Mojo Talk Show RECAP:

Benefits of Letting Go of a Grudge

Healthier relationships
Stronger emotional wellbeing
Minimize anxiety and depression
Lower your blood pressure
Lower risk of addictive behaviors

How do we let go of Grudges?

ACKNOWLEDGE what took place. (be honest with yourself)

STEP into HIS or HER shoes. (can you see the other side?)

Choose to COMMIT to forgiveness (for yourself)

MOVE ON. (an intentional action)

One thing to do today: CHOOSE one person and see if you can put yourself in their shoes to embrace empathy.

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC, Danielle James and Ricardo Mogo (Interns)

Block Your Haters! - 5 Simple Tips to Get Over Your Haters

Block Your Haters! - 5 Simple Tips to Get Over Your Haters

No matter how well you're doing, you just can't seem to get everyone on your side. There's always a Debbie Downer looming around the corner, a Negative Nancy ready to rain on your parade or a Pessimistic Patty with a few less-than kind words at her disposal. Now trust me, I'm not by any means new to Haters and their 'Haterade', but there's only so much a person can take! If you've got haters in your vicinity and are having a tough time finding the right way to deal with them, well you've come to the right place!

You can handle your haters by following these simple tips–

1. Knowing who you are:

Out of all the people you'll ever come in-contact with, you spend the most time with yourself, so shouldn't you enjoy your own company? Become acquainted with who you are and what you stand for, as this will better your understanding of yourself and help mold the foundation to which you can properly defend against all those haters out there! Also, identify your standards and abide by them as this will help secure a firm grip on your reality.

2. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people:

Probably a no-brainer but, the best way to handle your haters is to eliminate them! Don't allow someone the honor of being around you if they don't have your best interest at heart. Trust me, the right people (those who are meant to be a part of your life) will support your endeavors, raise your spirits and rejoice in your victories.

3. Set achievable short/long term goals:

Setting goals for yourself is not only a good way to keep yourself productive, but it also plays a hand in how satisfied you are with your life. It's been shown that those who set goals (both long or short-term) and consequently achieve them, have a fuller and more positive outlook on life. You'll see that constructing and reaching your goals will add a sense of purpose to your life and will really help center yourself around al that works for you which will ultimately eliminate all that doesn't.

4. Love yourself:

Be your own biggest fan! Need a point of reference? Love yourself as much as Kanye loves Kanye. In all seriousness, learn to love and accept your strengths as well as your weaknesses. Give credit where credit is due;there's nothing wrong with patting yourself on the back after a personal achievement

5. Keep in mind that you don't live for anyone elses approval but your own:

Once you stop living for other people, you'll see that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Not having a bar set to an unachievable height will greatly reduce your stress levels, but keep in mind that this doesn't mean not to set your own bar high, just means your point of reference should be nobody but yourself.

Follow these steps and you'll see that you will gradually grow apart from the Negative Nancy's of the world and a new breed of Uplifting Ursula's (I gave it my best shot) will gravitate to you. Also, don't impose yourself on a Hater, after all a Hater's job is to Hate, so let them do their job! If you happen to notice that people are slowly drifting away, don't feel discouraged Keep these tips in mind next time you're feeling overwhelmed or defeated by a hater and remember that people in this world aren't against you, they're simply for themselves.

Emotional Mojo Show Recap: Additional Tips

What are “haters?” People that are:

·      Critical

·      Negative

·      Destructive

·      In pursuit of what you have or want what you have

·      Green eyed monsters

·      Unsatisfied with their own lives

·      Miserable

How to Block the Haters:

-Kill ‘em with kindness

- Laugh at them 

 -Ignore them

-BLOCK them

-Surround yourself with POSITIVE people

One thing to do today: ENLIST an accountability partner to discuss the haters and choose to IGNORE them!

Authors: Jada Jackson LMHC and Ricardo Mojo, Intern