SELF-CRITICISM: WE ARE OUR OWN WORST CRITIC

The saying, “we are our own worst critic,” could not ring more true to me. I’ve always been harder on myself than anyone else, and it’s very easy for me to find flaws or faults in my actions or appearance. Maybe it’s because I’m a perfectionist and I seek for things to be absolutely the best they can be, or maybe I’m subconsciously trying to make sure I live up to the standards set by society and all of the photo shopped images I see in magazines and on instagram. Whatever the reason, I’ve acknowledged the harm it does, and I want all girls to know that self-criticism does not heal, it does not make us better: it only makes us weaker and more vulnerable to the other critics out there.

Powers et al., state that negative, self-critical, forms of perfectionism are consistently associated with a wide range of negative personality characteristics when studied. This includes impaired functioning, low satisfaction and well-being, and a variety of pathological malfunctions; such as depression, anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder.

So how do we end the cycle? How do we stop ourselves from always being hesitant about our looks, afraid of disappointing others, and having low confidence due to the fear of not being good enough? The following are some ways to stop being so self-critical, improve your attitude about yourself, and get to feeling better about who you are!

    Make a list of the most common expressions you say or think about yourself: thinks like “I’m so stupid,” “I messed up again,” or “I’m not good enough” are all things to be corrected.

    Change all of the negative statements to something positive. For example, “I am doing my best/did the best I could in that situation,” “Everybody makes mistakes, it is going to be okay.”

    Consciously acknowledge when you are being critical of yourself. Often times we don’t even realize that we are criticizing ourselves, so being vigilant about it is important. If you recognize that you’re doing it, you can make the changes to positivity more easily.

    Repeat your new thoughts, especially when you’re judging yourself, or just feeling down. You can even carry the positive statements around with you on notecards as a handy reminder.

    Tune out the inner voice of criticism: do not accept yourself as someone who beats herself up for not living up to certain standards. That is a dead end that only leads to misery and constant unhappiness. Start today by emphasizing your many good qualities!

Nothing good comes from beating ourselves down and always nitpicking the things we do. The research shows that it only causes harm in the long run. Take control today and get out of the cycle of being self-critical.

About the Author:

Emily is a dual-degree seeking student in psychology and communication disorders, with minors in biomedical sciences and nonprofit management. Emily plans on getting her master’s degree in neuroscience then going to medical school. Emily wants to become a doctor of neurology, specializing in disorders affecting communication.

References:

http://attitudereconstruction.com/2013/11/5-ways-to-stop-being-so-self-critical-2/

http://www.academia.edu/1201857/The_Effects_of_Self-Criticism_and_Self-Oriented_Perfectionism_on_Goal_Pursuit

Celebrating Women's History Month | DOWNLOAD Your FREE eBOOK

Are You Faithfully Celebrating Women's History Month? Yes! We celebrate all successful women, but not because they are greater than we are.

“I’m old. I have cellulite. I’m 10 lbs overweight. My husband doesn’t look at me the way he used to. I don’t love him the way I did before. What happened to my life?”

I listened to a friend of mine tell me about how she just didn’t feel like waking up to go to work because she hated life. “This is not the life I planned. I’m successful, but I’m not happy. Nothing makes me happy.”

As we celebrate Women’s History Month in March, I thought it would be interesting to look at the contrast between what women want and what we actually get.

For many years, women have been celebrated during the month of March to highlight their extraordinary contributions to their countries. Both here in the U.S. and internationally, women have left a mark in history that deserves celebration, and this year, the theme for Women’s History Month is "Honoring Trailblazing Women in Labor and Business.”

As a businesswoman, I am very much aware of the challenges that threaten success. The greatest struggles that kept me from wanting to get out of bed, like my friend, were financial challenges, uncertainty, lack of confidence, strong competitors, and my inability to find “loyal” staff members. All of the areas were extremely challenging, however, the greatest struggle I had was establishing work/life balance consistently.

Day after Day, I work with women who feel unworthy, devalued, uncelebrated, and insecure. Interestingly enough, if you walked past one of them on the street, you would never know that they’ve thrown in the towel on happiness, contentment, and peace. Why? Because she looks amazing! She drives a luxury car (or something close to it). Her makeup is flawless. Her children are adorable and well dressed. She works hard. People love her. She is successful. She is all that; but, she’s dying inside. I just described the clients that I work with, but I also described me. My passion to help others came from a long, hard look in the mirror. When each of us looks into the mirror we should see one thing: HUMANITY. We are all HUMAN. This means that we all struggle. We all have insecurities. We all want to be loved. We all want to be valued. We all want success.

Are You Faithfully Celebrating This Month?

We Celebrate Successful Women; But, Not Because They’re Greater Than Us.

This month, we celebrate Women’s History in the United States…but many women harbor deep pain and problems.

Beneath the passion, behind all of the great success we find ourselves also motivated by a deep, painful guilt I, myself, know a great deal about. You may even question the importance of celebrating someone's life that doesn't quite model yours. Maybe women's history means nothing to you.

Well, it really doesn’t matter if you’re in the beginning phase of history making or not. False comparisons are made when you’ve no personal success as a point of reference.  

When March comes around, we ironically invite “the comparison trip” into our heads. Guilt floods in when you want the success that you find in another person.

Don’t feel embarrassed by it. This particular battle is a hard one to fight. And maybe it’s not just during the month of March, maybe it every month of the year that you struggle with illegitimate comparisons to your friends, coworkers, societal icons, or your sister.

- There’s Only One Way To Being You

Wherever you are; no matter how you’re going to “get there,” you’re not fulfilled until you arrive at your destination. The truth is, I don’t have a remedy or cure for the guilt you deal with.

I do, however, have a solution to enable you to walk the happy road to being you. The manifestation of who you are means you’ll be celebrated this month. There’s no need to wait.

I’m calling it my “positive step approach.” Instead of working on your guilt trip, I’m going to work on your final destination. This isn’t the place you’re at, at the moment.

Let me take you on the journey to become you! This is the same journey that the women we celebrate this month took to ultimate success. It was never an overnight success, and I won’t make it one for you. The journey ahead is a serious commitment that you have to make to achieve your personal goals.

-----------Once you’re in the rightful place, there will be no one else to compare with.

To do that for you, I’m releasing my book for free this month. At the cost of nothing, it’s put directly into your hands. Your final commitment, to end the guilt, is to read it. I’ve never given something so valuable away for free.

I Will Not Put A Price Tag On What’s Rightfully Yours. I can only do it during this month.

You have an entire celebration to go through. And we’re now walking you past the emptiness, anxiety and void. Embrace the fullness that’s yours.

Do it now. Open your copy, and discover how powerful success becomes when you become you. We’re ready to celebrate Women’s History Month, but this time it’s for you to make YOUR MARK and success this time. I know…you already have it in you!

- J.J.

>> Download Your Free Copy Now <<

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