BACK TO SCHOOL: Let the Games Begin! | 3 Tips PARENTS need to know

BACK TO SCHOOL: Let the Games Begin! | 3 Tips PARENTS need to know

It’s that time again! Anxiety and stress are crouched at the door! Your child is both excited and nervous; and you are holding your breath in anticipation of your teen’s next emotional roller-coaster ride.

As we approach a new school year, many parents are wondering if things will ever change. Well, the quick answer is, “No!” Of course, your child will still have butterflies on the first day of school. Your child may not want to go to school on the first day. She may have anxiety because she has the second-lunch period and her best friend has the first-lunch period. She may have fears about fitting in and being accepted. So, of course, she will be a little anxious and nervous.

But, how do you know if your child falls within the normal behavioral guidelines for back-to-school anxiety? Answer “YES” or “NO” to the following questions:

Does your child usually complain of stomachaches or body pains the night before or the morning of school?

Does your child suddenly seem quiet or withdrawn?

Has your child become more angry and/or irritable than usual?

Has your child’s eating or sleeping patterns changed?

Does your child seem to worry more than usual?

If you’ve answered, “YES” to three or more of these questions, it is possible that your child is experiencing back-to-school anxiety. Remember, life changes may cause a variety of emotional and somatic symptoms as your child learns to adjust to new classes, new students, a new environment, new teachers, and new expectations. This is normal. The real question is, “How can you help?”

Unfortunately, parents mistake their child’s anxious behavior as disrespect or “having an attitude.” It is important that you are able to recognize your child’s symptoms.

TIP #1: PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR

It is important to recognize slight behavioral changes in your child. If your child is cranky and irritable most of the time, you should seek help from a physician or mental health counselor. However, if your child is usually jovial and carefree, but you notice that she is angry and withdrawn…take this seriously. Here are a few symptoms to look for:

Psychological/Emotional Symptoms may include:

·      Excessive worry

·      Fear or panic

·      Irritability, anger

·      Dread

·      Obsessive thoughts

·      Difficulty concentrating

Physical symptoms:

·      Nausea or vomiting

·      Rapid heartbeat

·      Body aches

·      Muscle tension

·      Changes in eating and/or sleeping patterns

·      Sweating, hands and palms

·      Butterflies in stomach

TIP #2: DO NOT ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE

Your child may struggle with communicating exactly what she is feeling. When children are faced with change, their first reaction will be anger. It is important to understand that ANGER is a secondary emotion and usually there is a primary emotion lurking beneath anger. Those primary emotions may include the following:

·      Fear

·      Confusion

·      Unworthiness

·      Envy or Jealousy

·      Devalued

·      Helplessness

·      Inferior

·      Overwhelmed

·      Lonely

·      Hurt

·      Sad

·      Uncomfortable

·      Awkward

·      Distrusting

If your child displays angry or irritable emotions, refrain from adding fuel to the fire. Instead of chastising your child for acting out, attempt to understand. Here are a few questions you can ask your child:

·      How do you feel about your first week of school?

·      I know your feel angry, but what else are you feeling right now?

·      What can I do to help you?

·      What else will help you deal with what you are feeling?

In moments of distress, it is necessary to become your child’s ally and not her adversary.

TIP #3: SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP IN A LIFE-COACH OR COUNSELOR

Choosing to work with a Coach or Counselor is not an admission of weakness for your child or your family. When you decide to team up with a coach, you are giving your child an opportunity to embrace personal, social and academic success!

Coaching and Counseling will provide your child with emotional benefits that will strengthen her confidence, self-esteem and overall success. Here are a few benefits of adolescent or teen therapy:

·      Learn self-awareness skills to recognize emotional distress

·      Understand the difference between perceived and actual fears

·      Explore social anxiety triggers and learn to let go of fears

·      Understand and process relational conflicts and/or challenges

·      Learn to REFRAME negative emotions, thoughts and experiences.

·      Learn to create strategic plans to achieve attainable goals

·      Learn to embrace hope and positivity

·      Develop healthy decision-making skills

·      Learn the art of emotional management

As a Teen Self-Esteem Specialist, I encourage parents to take an active role in the emotional development of their children. As I work with my teen clients, I also work with the parents. It is necessary that the parent learn just as much as the child. Understanding your Parenting Style is the first step to helping your child succeed. Over the past 15 years, I've worked with teens girls challenged with low self-esteem and poor decision-making skills. My NEW Self-Esteem POWER approach to working with teen girls has proven both successful and necessary for building healthy self-concept. This 6-step approach to counseling teen girls through self-esteem issues will help your child achieve greater success!

I you want more information about back to school anxiety or parenting styles, contact a therapist near you. Or you can click the button below for a free consultation to learn more about Jada's Self-Esteem POWER Kit for Teen Girls!

Understanding Self-Esteem and the Brain | 4-Tips to Help

We all have those days when we feel like we just can’t rise to the challenge, or when we may feel that we aren’t good enough. It’s normal to feel down on ourselves sometimes. But why is that? This matter of mental health has to do with self-esteem. Self-esteem is defined as “confidence in one’s abilities or worth.” There are various ways self-esteem can be impacted, and several things one can do to maintain a positive self-image.

To better understand this important aspect of life,  self-esteem must be examined from a neurological perspective.

A recent Dartmouth study reveals a possible source of self-esteem within the brain. It appears that internal locus of control—how much control over our lives we believe we have, which is directly correlated with self-esteem—is related to how well regions of the brain connect. This finding could help with future treatments for depression and anxiety disorders. The study found that people with stronger white matter connection from their medial prefrontal cortex (responsible for self-knowledge) to their ventral striatum (involved in reward sensation) showed high long-term self-esteem.

Understanding how the brain works in regards to this topic will help improve self-esteem when necessary. The way you think about yourself is developed in the same type of process as learning how to ride a bike. The more practice with the bike, the stronger rider you are. Eventually you can ride without thinking about it. A strong pathway in the brain has been created. When we are children, our thoughts about ourselves are created by the messages from those who we believe are important, such as family members, schoolmates, and friends. For example, if you were constantly picked on in school, this most likely led to the formation of low self-esteem and a negative self-image. Now as an adult, your thoughts repeatedly revert back to the messages engrained in your mind. If you went to a party, your self-esteem and pattern of negative thinking could kick in and lead to social anxiety and the belief that no one likes you; the reality is that the others at the party have not even met you yet! The default to pessimism is a dominant thought pattern. It is automatic, just like riding a bike after lots of practice. Circumstances trigger thoughts that, even unconsciously, cause the reactions— based on your established self-esteem. The good news is that these thought processes can be changed and self-esteem can certainly be improved! Here a few solutions to promoting a healthier self-image, based on cognitive behavioral therapy.

·      Be aware of what you are thinking and feeling.

Once you are aware, you can practice new, positive, thought/behavior patterns.

·      Identify difficult situations that may decrease your self-esteem ahead of time.

Anticipate the negative and inaccurate thinking and challenge initial thoughts that revert back to a negative concept of yourself.

·      Focus on the positive!

Remind yourself of all the good things about your life, all the things that have gone your way in the past week, and the skills and talents you have. You truly are more amazing than you may realize.

·      Re-label thoughts that upset you.

Instead of jumping to the conclusion that you must react negatively and beat yourself up, step back and ask yourself, “What can I do to make this situation less stressful on myself?”

Self-esteem is a product of unconscious and unconscious processes that occur within the brain. It is a common problem among all people to develop a negative self-view, or sometimes underestimate one’s own self worth. However, there is no need to feel stuck in a negative mindset. Adhering to a few simple changes and recognizing your thought pattern can make a world of difference. So, before you automatically think negatively about yourself or a situation, take a deep breath, step back, and realize that these feelings are not facts.

Respectfully yours,

Jada Jackson  M.S., M.A., LMHC, NCC
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Author, Talk Show Host, Life Coach and Communicator

Total Life Counseling Center  (407) 248 0030  1507 S. Hiawassee Road #101 Orlando FL 32835  
Email: jada@TotalLifeCounseling.com
Jada's TLC Page: http://www.totallifecounseling.com/counselors-orlando-therapists-counselors/jada-collins/

Jada’s website: Jadajackson.com
Website email: info@jadajackson.com
Blog: http://www.jadajackson.com/blog/
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Author: Emily Simpson (Intern)

References:

http://www.self-esteem-experts.com/how-the-brain-works.html

http://www.dartmouth.edu/~opa/statements/brainselfesteem061614.html

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374