Finding Peace in the Storm: Embracing CPR for Spiritual Resilience | Dr. Jada Jackson LMHC, LPC-S

CPR for Your Faith: Navigating Loss and Rebuilding Faith Losing a faith leader can send shockwaves through a congregation, leaving many feeling lost and uncertain. Whether due to conflict or burnout, the impact is profound. But there's a way through the storm. Welcome to our video, "CPR for Your Faith" as see on Morning on Merit where Dr. Jada talked about exploring a healing framework to guide you and your community during these challenging times. What is CPR? - C for Community: Discover how leaning on your community can offer both comfort and strength. - P for Personal Faith: Learn ways to deepen your personal faith, ensuring it remains your guiding light amidst change. - R for Rebuilding Trust: Find out how to rebuild trust within your congregation through honesty and open communication. For a deeper dive into these topics, check out our full blog post: https://www.jadajackson.com/totallifecounselingdallasblog Subscribe to our channel for more videos and share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—we are here to support each other! #FaithHealing #CommunitySupport #SpiritualResilience

In the life of any congregation, the departure of a beloved pastor can feel like a sudden storm, leaving a wake of confusion and sorrow. Whether it's due to internal conflicts or the all-too-common burnout, the loss can shake the very foundations of our community and personal faith. Recently, I’ve found myself working more with church members who have become disillusioned by various conflicts involving church leaders. However, during these trying times, it's essential to remember that healing is not only possible—it's a journey we can embark on together through the power of CPR: Community, Personal Faith, and Rebuilding Trust.

     Community: Our Collective Strength

In the shadow of loss, our community is our refuge. The bonds we share with fellow congregants can offer comfort and understanding that is both profound and healing. It’s in our gatherings, whether virtual or in person, where we can share our feelings, extend compassion, and support one another unconditionally. Let us remember, we are not isolated in our grief; we are surrounded by those who understand, who care, and who will walk alongside us as we navigate this challenging chapter.

Scripture for Community: “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” - Galatians 6:2. This verse reminds us of our duty to support and uplift each other, especially during times of distress.

     Personal Faith: The Anchor in the Storm

When the waves are crashing around, our personal faith can be the anchor that keeps us grounded. It’s vital to reconnect with the core of our beliefs—those aspects of our faith that are not tied to any one person, but rather to our personal relationship with the divine. This is a time to grow deeper into prayer, meditation, or scripture, seeking the vertical comfort and guidance that our faith promises. Let this be an opportunity to reinforce the foundation of your spiritual life, making it a personal sanctuary that no external turmoil can shake.

Scripture for Personal Faith: “The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” - Psalm 18:2. This psalm is a powerful declaration of the steadfast nature of God, perfect for reminding us of where our true strength lies.

     Rebuilding Trust: Pathway to Renewal

Rebuilding trust might seem overwhelming, but it is necessary for healing. It starts with open, honest communication within our community and with ourselves. Acknowledge the hurt without dwelling on the bitterness. Discuss openly what went wrong and what can be learned. As we rebuild, let us aim not just to restore what was but to build something stronger and more resilient. Trust is rebuilt in the small acts of transparency, in the consistent efforts of inclusion, and in the collective commitment to move forward with integrity refraining from rhetoric and politics.

Scripture for Rebuilding Trust: “Therefore, putting away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” - Ephesians 4:25. This passage encourages honesty and truthfulness, foundational qualities for rebuilding trust within any community.

     Moving Forward Together

The process of grieving the loss of a pastor is a path marked by challenges, but it is also a journey that can bring about growth and deeper unity. As we embrace the CPR for faith, we not only find the way through our current sorrow but also prepare ourselves to face future challenges with a stronger, more connected community spirit.

To those feeling the acute pain of this loss, know that your feelings are valid, and you are not alone. Lean on your community, anchor in your personal faith, and participate actively in rebuilding trust. Together, we can heal and emerge stronger, keeping our spirits alive and our faith unwavering.

Let us take heart in knowing that while leaders may come and go, our community and our faith can endure and thrive, guided by the collective love and wisdom we share. Here’s to healing, hope, and a renewed commitment to each other and our spiritual journey.

Groomed & Consumed: Secrets of Religious Leaders and the Abuse of Power | Patricia Arps LPC-A

Title: Groomed & Consumed: The Hidden Secrets of Religious Leaders and the Abuse of Power 

Main Idea: PTSD, Depression and Anxiety Are Conditions That Stem from Suppressed Shame. Suppressed Shame can be Caused by Hidden Secrets. Hidden Secrets can be a byproduct from the Abuse of Power

What happens to a person who is reduced to feeling worthless because of shameful sexual acts in which they, themselves, felt they were a complicit partner?  Is a person complicit when groomed to engage in an act that violates who they are?  I was caught in this conundrum. I was the victim of the abuse of power in which I carried the blame, the guilt and the suppressed shame. I mean, after all, I was complicit, wasn’t I?

I was in my late 20’s in a struggling marriage that needed crisis intervention and counseling.   We sought the help of our Pastor.  This Pastor unfortunately saw an opportunity that I never saw coming.  We had known this Pastor for years.  We had been to his house for dinner with his wife and family on multiple occasions. He seemed like the caring “fatherly” type.  He was a gifted pianist as well as a vocalist. He was charismatic. All who met him loved him.  Leaders with this personality are easily embraced and trusted.  I looked up to him and believed he was the great man that stood at the pulpit on Sunday mornings.

All too often such charismatic leaders are wolves in sheep’s clothing waiting for their next victim.  They never think of the aftermath of their actions.  Their victims are often left with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, which can include abuse by an authority figure. Symptoms may include flashbacks, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the event.  This was my story.  I was traumatized for 12 agonizing years.  I feared ever getting close to a male pastor again.  Though I still attended church and loved my post-future pastors, I never would get to know them up close and personal outside of church. And I was blessed to have two wonderful, healthy Pastors that I was graced with as part of my healing journey. 

So, what happens to the victim who has been groomed and then consumed? What happens to her during the “power of abuse” relationship?  What happens to her when the relationship is over?   I can provide a personal account and answers to these questions.

What happens to the victim who has been groomed and then consumed?

When I was being groomed, I was absolutely unaware, totally naive. I loved this Pastor, like a daughter would love her dad. He was funny and kind.  He nicknamed me “kitten”.  It was an affectionate name, which made me all the more endearing to him and him to me. What was there not to trust? And then one day after undergoing “counseling” with this Pastor, my husband (at the time) said he was done with the marriage, it was over. Then within a few days the Pastor was calling and wanting to come over and “check on me” since he knew my husband had moved out.  The Pastor mentioned to me that his wife felt he was interested in me. I questioned and refuted that she would think such a thing. He chuckled and joked about it, and wanted to know what would be wrong with it? He wanted to know if I found him unattractive, or too old.  This was the beginning of the grooming process.  He was planting seeds. He was making suggestive comments. He was preparing to take me down a path that would consume me, devour me and almost destroy me.

What happens to her during the relationship?

His visits were the open door to his entrance into my life.  Back then, I concluded I was having an “affair” but I later learned it was the abuse of power to which I had become his victim.  Initially, there was this crazy feeling that came over me.  This feeling of “is he really interested in me?” This false affirmation of seeming important and validated. I succumbed to the enticement and the allure with all its thrills and frills.  But just as high as the excitement went, the shame and guilt went even lower as the sexual encounters began and persisted. The reality of my continued actions tore at my being and my conscious. I felt trapped by his demands and my guilt.  He was constantly pursuing me as I started to reluctantly give in. The shame that I carried from sleeping with my Pastor was overwhelming.  I was still going to his church while we were still sneaking around. I developed anxiety from the fear of getting caught.  I wanted to end the relationship, he did not. He literally cried and begged me not to leave him and told me he would have no one if I left. Because of his manipulation and coercion and my lack of my diminishing identity and low self-esteem, I stayed in the relationship for about another month.  One night after the Pastor left my house, his wife came looking for him. She came to my house, knocked on the door and asked if he her husband had been there, I lied and said “no”.  After she left, I knew I was getting out of this sordid relationship!  It took a miracle from God, but one month later I left the relationship and never looked back to be with him again. 

What happens to her when the relationship is over?

However, I did look back for 12 years at the shame of this relationship. For 12 long years I was haunted by its memory. I had severe PTSD as a result of it.  I would cry off and on for 12 years. I cried about sleeping with my pastor, seeing his wife and lying to her, sneaking around, sleeping at hotels, and all the chaos that went on as a result of this relationship.  I dreamt about it, woke up to it, would suddenly weep about it…. and this went on for 12 unbelievable years. I suffered with Major Depressive Disorder but didn’t realize at the time I had this disorder. Somehow, I had learned to manage my depression in silence and behind a mask. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would take this “secret” to the grave.  No one would ever know (except the man that I later married).  I told God this would be our secret because there is no way I could ever tell a soul!  How could I mutter the words that “I had slept with my Pastor”?  To admit to myself that it happened was bad enough, but to share it with other people would be to my total demise and destruction…so I thought. Though I shared “a pinch of the situation” with my oldest sister, she still never knew the extent of the relationship I had with this Pastor. I could not mouth the words to her, the thought of it overwhelmed and paralyzed me.

The aftermath…

The devastation brought into the lives of those victimized by men in leadership is horrific!!  The people who are sidelined (the wives, the families, the congregation and the victims are all being victimized as we all trusted them and believed in them).  To know some of the stories the pastor’s wives shared with me is heartbreaking.  I was privy to their stories after my book “Imprisoned by Secrets of the Heart” was published.  Pastors’ wives called me for advice because they had no one to turn to for help. They saw me on television, heard my story, and reached out to me for guidance.  Women and men wrote me, they shared their stories, and we wept together. 

Freedom and Healing

This relationship with the Pastor happened to me in 1986.  Twelve years later, in 1998 in my dining room, as I sat at my table and prayed for freedom from the memory and the hurt that haunted me daily, something happened that I cannot explain, other than to say it was a miracle! I definitely believe in miracles because just like that, from one minute to the next, my life changed! I knew I was free! I then wrote my story and submitted the manuscript.  My book with Whitaker House Publishing was published in 2000. From there I shared my story on Christian Television networks, at various churches, radio networks, women’s venues, and women’s prisons.  I started a support group for women in my church who were coming out of shameful situations where they were carrying guilt and shame.  I later became a mentor for women who lived at a halfway house in Odessa, Texas called Mission Messiah, where their stories were sad and painful. My heart and my passion have always been for women who seek refuge after being abused and used at the hands of men in authority.  It’s been 24 years since Imprisoned by Secrets of the Heart was published, and unfortunately, my book is still relevant today, and it is still a place of refuge for many women seeking freedom from the hidden shame of what happened or is still happening to them. I am here to extend my personal experience as well as my therapeutic skills to women who are seeking refuge from their shame or guilt because of the abuse of power from those in authority. Please hear me, you were victimized, you were groomed, you were taken advantage of, but know this, there is a way out.   I ask you to reach out to Total Life Counseling of Dallas to schedule an appointment with me, Patricia Arps.  Together we will hold hands, weep tears along the way and walk out of the storm together, onto the path of freedom. I am here for you, as are all of the Therapists at TLC Dallas. We will gladly provide you with a free 15-minute consultation to match you with the Therapist of your choice.

Patricia Arps is a graduate of the University of Kentucky with a MS Degree in Clinical Rehabilitation Counseling.  She is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate at Total Life Counseling, Inc. of Dallas, TX where Dr. Jada Jackson-Hill is the President.