As a mental health professional and advocate for emotional wellness, I know firsthand how challenging it can be to navigate a child’s emotional outbursts, especially when they happen in public.
During my doctoral internship at Head Start, I had the privilege of working as a forensic play therapist, specializing in supporting children who had experienced neglect and abuse. Many of these children presented with significant behavioral challenges, stemming from trauma and disrupted attachments. Using play therapy as a therapeutic tool, I worked with these young clients to help them learn to express their emotions, process their experiences, and begin to heal. This work helped me understand of the complex interplay between trauma, behavior, and emotional development, and reinforced my commitment to providing compassionate, evidence-based care for vulnerable populations.
In addition to working directly with the children, I loved collaborated with the parents, providing guidance and support to help them create stable, nurturing home environments. Our clinical team focused on helping parents establish consistent routines, which are essential for children recovering from trauma, as routines create a sense of safety and predictability. Together, we worked on setting healthy boundaries that balanced discipline with empathy, helping parents to reinforce positive behaviors while also addressing challenges constructively. I also assisted the parents in working on strategies to model and encourage emotional regulation like calming techniques and validating their children’s feelings. By empowering parents to play an active role in their child’s healing, we helped establish a more collaborative approach that strengthened family bonds and supported long-term emotional resilience.
So, after watching the video of the young girl having a destructive tantrum in Walmart, I couldn’t help but feel a mix of emotions—concern for the child, empathy for the onlookers trying to help, and a deep curiosity about what might have led to such an explosive moment. As she tossed items, smashed bottles, and escalated her behavior, it was clear she was overwhelmed and struggling to manage emotions that were likely far beyond her ability to handle. Watching the reactions of bystanders—some confused, others frustrated—made me reflect on how often these situations might be misunderstood. It reminded me of the importance of empowering parents and caregivers with the tools to understand and address the emotional needs of children, especially in moments of intense distress. This wasn’t just a tantrum; it was a call for help, and it’s a moment we can all learn from.
Seeing a young girl throw a tantrum or act out destructively can leave parents feeling embarrassed, helpless, and overwhelmed. But let me assure you—these moments are not reflections of failure but opportunities to help a child learn, grow, and thrive.
That’s where my CALM approach comes in. It’s a simple, actionable framework I’ve developed to help parents, caregivers, and even bystanders handle these situations with compassion and confidence. Let me walk you through it.
C: Check for Triggers
First, let’s talk about understanding what’s behind the behavior. Children rarely act out “just because.” Often, there’s a trigger—something they’re feeling, needing, or experiencing that they haven’t learned to express. Maybe they’re tired, hungry, or overwhelmed by the sights and sounds around them. It could even be a response to frustration or disappointment.
When we take a moment to check for these triggers, we gain insight into what the child is trying to communicate. Instead of reacting with frustration, we can respond with empathy. I often encourage parents to ask themselves, What might my child need right now? This question shifts the focus from frustration to problem-solving.
A: Avoid Escalating the Situation
When emotions are high, it’s tempting to meet a child’s energy with our own—raising our voices, issuing stern warnings, or trying to “stop the behavior” immediately. But I want to remind you of this: calmness is contagious. When a child is in the middle of an outburst, their brain is overwhelmed, and they can’t process logic or discipline in that moment. What they need most is a steady, calming presence to guide them back to a place of regulation.
I know it’s hard—especially when you feel like every eye in the store may be on you—but your calm response teaches the child something profound: how to manage their own emotions. Speak softly. Use simple words. And remember, you’re not just managing the moment; you’re modeling behavior they’ll carry with them for life.
L: Lead with Prevention and Preparation
One of the best ways to handle these situations is to prevent them from happening in the first place. I often tell parents, “Preparation is your secret weapon.” Before heading into potentially overwhelming environments like a busy store, take a moment to prepare your child—and yourself. Talk about what to expect. Share the plan for the outing and what behavior you hope to see.
You can also involve your child in the process. Let them hold a small shopping list or pick out an item. When children feel included and valued, they’re less likely to act out. And don’t forget to equip them with tools for managing their emotions. At home, practice simple techniques like deep breathing or counting to ten. These small habits can make a big difference when tensions rise.
M: Maintain Safety for Everyone
In the midst of a meltdown, safety must be the priority—for the child, for you, and for those around you. If your child is acting out physically or destructively, take steps to ensure no one gets hurt. Move sharp or breakable items out of reach. If you’re in public, create space between your child and others, and if needed, ask for help from store staff or someone nearby.
But remember, maintaining safety doesn’t mean “shutting the behavior down” forcefully. It’s about creating an environment where your child can de-escalate and begin to regain control. Once they’re calm, you’ll have the opportunity to address what happened and teach them a better way to handle their emotions next time.
Encouragement for the Journey
If you’re reading this as a parent who has faced public tantrums, let me say this: You are not alone. Parenting is one of the most challenging jobs in the world, and moments like these are part of the journey. What matters most is how we respond—whether we seize the opportunity to guide our children with love and patience, or let frustration take over.
Remember, "raising a child in the way they should go" and "spare not the rod" are guiding principles rooted in biblical wisdom that emphasize the importance of intentional, loving discipline in a child’s upbringing. To raise a child in the way they should go means understanding their unique temperament, gifts, and challenges while guiding them toward a life of integrity, respect, and emotional regulation. It’s about providing consistent structure and modeling Christ-like behavior, creating a foundation of trust and security. The concept of "spare not the rod" is often misunderstood as harsh punishment but can be interpreted as using discipline—guided by love and wisdom—to teach accountability and boundaries. By implementing these principles as preventative measures, parents can shape their child’s behavior early, reducing the likelihood of future defiance or outbursts while fostering a heart that seeks understanding and righteousness.
Finally, I also want to encourage bystanders who may witness these moments. Instead of judgment, offer kindness. A smile, a word of encouragement, or simply staying out of the way can make a world of difference to a parent navigating a difficult moment.
The CALM approach—Check for triggers, Avoid escalation, Lead with preparation, and Maintain safety—reminds us that every outburst is a chance to teach, connect, and grow. With patience and consistency, you’ll help the child develop the skills they need to handle life’s challenges, and you’ll strengthen the bond you share along the way. Together, we can transform the chaos into something beautiful: a step toward emotional resilience and understanding.
