"How Unforgiveness Fuels Stress: A Comprehensive Guide to Stress Awareness and Emotional Healing"
Forgiveness – the act of releasing someone when an action or an offense has been committed that is perceived or is done against another. This is beyond just accepting an apology for a wrong.
What most people fail to understand is that it is inevitable that at some point and time we will be hurt intentionally or unintentionally by others, and we are inevitably capable of doing the same to others.
Forgiveness has become a common word that I personally do not believe is relayed with full understanding and action. What I mean by that is, it has become the new “buzz” word; just a new way of conforming to the ‘new’ thing in the mental health awareness culture today when in fact, it should have always been a tool in our parental toolbox.
Unforgiveness (the mere opposite of forgiveness) is the fuel that intensifies relational situations thus increasing stress levels, taking away the ability to think creatively, and move forward in a positive manner for the benefit of ourselves and our relationships. Think about it, instead of releasing toxic thoughts we relive the event, pain and anger it has caused, and we can become unbalanced emotionally. Depending on how you perceive the offense and how you choose to respond, continuous negative thoughts stimulate the nucleus accumbens in your brain thus causing the pain sensors in the brain to be triggered. (article by Webster, C.).
Forgiveness is not about condoning or excusing the offense, instead you are simply exposing the offense so acknowledgement of negative emotions can be relayed, and healing can begin. It’s a requirement if there is to be peace in the relationship.
How do you become aware when you are stressed?
Our brain is designed to be creative and to be creative we must constantly juggle our thoughts and emotions. When you’re constantly thinking about stressful events, it is hard to think of creative and healthy ways to effectively problem-solve in various situations. Take for example, if you have been laid off or fired from your job and that is the main source of income for your family, your stress levels can go through the roof very quickly.
At that time, you have two choices to make in that moment. You can choose to direct your energy in a positive manner and use the situation as a motivation to sit down and take a moment to face the reality of your situation and devise a plan. Perhaps speaking with your spouse or a professional. Or you can choose to direct your energy towards the negative emotions of being hurt, blaming, angry, anxious, etc. From an emotionally intelligence perspective, you’re acknowledging where you are and how the situation has made you feel. Now once you decide how you’re going to use your energy, you begin to operate in the self-awareness principle, and you can decide which way to go.
Only you can decide if a situation is going to be stressful for you. Most stressful situations are brought on when you try to control things that are out of your control. Therefore, it’s important that you take a moment and access the situation to understand your capabilities and boundaries. Devise a plan of action for those moments you know could potentially cause unnecessary or overly excessive emotional responses.
Remember, naturally your brain wants to focus on other areas, but this depends on how you train and captivate your thoughts. When we’re not taught something or trained in how to use a tool, it can be stressful when trying to apply it in the wrong situation or with the wrong intentions. So, it’s very important that you be truthful with yourself during this time of self-awareness.
How do you heal emotionally by forgiving?
In an article written by Corey Webster, he states that forgiveness is a form of compassion. Brain imaging studies of people who practice loving-kindness meditation have been shown to have enhanced signals from regions of the brain associated with empathy, such as the amygdala. These are the very same regions that neuroscientists have shown to be hypoactive in psychopathic individuals. So, neurologically speaking, the best way to avoid becoming like the person who harmed you is act compassionately — forgive them.
Dr. Jada Jackson puts it best in her Reframe book, be willing to ‘let go’. She states that making yourself the center of attention is a great strategy when it comes to the subject of focus. Stay focused on what you want versus what someone else wants or has. It should always be your desire to take care of yourself first and then your relationships should follow the pattern of desire to win the heart of the other person back to you. Any other type of relationship becomes toxic to your body physically, emotionally, and spiritually; and becomes toxic to your end goals and thus when the other person has moved on and you haven’t, who really wins?
In Summary, with understanding of what situations or circumstances stresses you in an unhealthy and unresolved way, you are better able to not add fuel to the fire of stress but assuredly, confidently, and proactive put out the embers.
Power Nugget: Check out additional resources to help you eliminate current and potential stressful situations and share them with others!
Author: Marriage Coach Natasha Gibson
References:
Webster, C. (2018). The Power of Forgiveness According to Neuroscience Retrieved from https://medium.com/@cwebster_32318/the-power-of-forgiveness-according-to-neuroscience-dc19fa2a2ef7
T. Gibson & N. Gibson (authors) (2021). The Process of Forgiveness; the effect in Marriage. As One Ministry, USA.
Jackson, J. (2017). Reframe. High Definition Life, LLC.